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How do I make more friends?
So I only have 2 really good friends. I like them and they like me, I know I can trust them with secrets, but idk...one of them is really shy and never wants to do anything, the other is really stupid (school wise, she's smart but other than that she's a bimbo) and we just aren't into the same things. I like politics and human rights issues, I like astrology, and animal rights and follow the vegan lifestyle. I like the "scene" bands (i know that's not a genre but just putting it in general terms) and I wear black and have a fringe and wear band merch. I like darker things I paint my nails black. She isn't interested and is hard to start a discussion with, she isn't into astrology and thinks veganism is stupid. She likes pop music. She wears pink and has curly hair and is way too immature for the darker things, we're in 7th grade but she still faints at "darn it" she doesn't paint her nails. I mean when I first met her we were compatible as friends, but i don't think so anymore. I've met a few girls, like one girl from an enviormentalist account we like and comment on each other's instagram photos, like the same music, dress the same but I've never met her. And another girl I met at the park who I text, we like similar music and are into the same things, but she's in a diffirent town. Two other girls, one I don't have much in common with other than we boogy board together but she's at my maturity level, and another I don't see eye to eye on some things but she's still cool but I only see them when I go on vacation. A lot of the kids who dress like me and appear to like the same bands as me (they write band names on their arms for whatever the reason) have a huge superity complex and bitch everyone out. I just don't feel like I connect with people, and a lot of people are sort of scared of me because of how I dress and they think my music is scary (Suicide Silence, BMTH earlier, and Asking Alexandria terrifies them) and i just don't really like them, other than this one girl who im going to a Sleeping With Sirens & All Time Low concert with she's nice. How should I make new friends?
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You sound like you're doing OK really. We're drawn to some people because we have the same interests and outlook. Also having friends who don't share our views closely is good too. It's nice to have that point/counterpoint aspect in the relationship if you know what I mean. Sometimes a discussion/chat/whatever with people who don't share our views can be stimulating and interesting. As much as someone we share a wavelentgh with, and at times even more so. Just be yourself, be outgoing and stay open-minded about what you do and what you talk about, where you go. We don't have all our friends all around us at the same time. Casting a broad net, as you might say, can open up new experiences and have us going places we might not have even thought about visiting ourselves, or within the group we share (on the surface) the most likes and attitudes with. You've recognised the 'superiority' aspect in some people, that makes them 'bitch everyone out'. That's a bad signal to put out if you want to have a good circle of friends, so put out good, welcoming vibes. We shouldn't confuse a level of intellectual maturity with simply being narrow-minded and set in our ways and attitudes. Real intellectual and emotional maturity is about recognising that we all have opinions and differences of opinion. For instance, although we wouldn't all claim to be 'into human rights' most of us have some idea of what is and isn't acceptable. There's room for dark and serious music, and light-hearted dance music. Getting young people to engage with politics and economics is very difficult in the UK where I live, for sure. How about getting a discussion going about how the mysterious 'government' and their policies affect our lives even without us knowing? From your post you sound like a very mature-thinking young woman. A proper 'world citizen' in fact. You won't raise everyone up to your intellectual level in conversation and friendship I'm afriad. So you have to step back a little sometimes, and keep the relationships on the level they warrant. I guess what I'm really saying is a good, true friend does not have to be a 'carbon-copy' of you and your ideology and interests. Keep your mind open and embrace as much of humanity as you can. In some ways it's a matter of thinking "I may not agree with what you believe and say, but I respect and defend your right to think and say it." A real world-citizen indeed, and you won't bitch out anyone and you won't miss any opportunities for personal development yourself either. A good listener and intelligent entertaining talker is welcome in any company. But NEVER 'preach' to people, I'm sure you know what I mean, and what the difference is. There's much more to connection with people than a sort of 'compatibilty chart' rating.
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Hon, it sounds like you are already doing the right things, venturing into chat rooms or groups where you can meet others with same things in common. Its not as important as one might think in 7th grade how we look as a person including how we choose to dress. Everyone has a right to personal choice and one choice isn't better than the other but that seems to be hard for young people to get. You wont easily find a friend that you have something in common with on all levels. Yes it's possible but at school ages, really hard. Its better to focus on having different groups of friends, the couple who have same music in common, those who like astrology, maybe one friend who is all about animal rights. The only way to find out other than on social media, is to ask enough questions of teens you do know in school. You may be a bit ahead of your peers as far as subject matter of interesets. Things like that they havent even begun to think about. A sure way to find others is create a blog for young teens who think far beyond their age, on subjects like what you mentioned. Then write about what you find, put ads on your facebook for the group, join others who have those interests and get your blog or facebook or what ever other media mentioned on there. Get the word out and once there are enough members, start finding out those who live in your state and which there is a possibility to meet in person. When something doesnt exist or is hard to find, it just points to a need for a place where others like you can find each other and one of you need to be the one to create it, why not you?
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