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I don't want to live anymore. I just need advice on what I should do.
I am currently going through so much and I am only 18. Everything for me is falling apart, no one cares about me, no one tries to help, and I an so alone. All I can think about is taking my own life. I don't have anyone who will miss me, or anything. I don't have anything to look foward, I just feel like giving up. I've tried so hard to stop thinking about it, but I can't. It's like it's already stuck in my mind. I harm myself every night, in hopes of actually dying but it's not working. I just can't take anything anymore, it hurts to feel so alone, it hurts to be so alone. I want to give up, I want to be gone. I just wish I had someone who cared, someone who loved me. But I don't, and that's driving me towards actually doing what's been on my mind. I don't want to live anymore. I just need advice on what I should do.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
You NEED professional help. The thoughts in your head about suicide and the self-harm you do aren't yours and are not normal. They're trying to convince you that you are worthless and should kill yourself when in fact it's the opposite.
As far as other people go I'm sure that there are a lot of people who do care and do nice things for you. They may not always pat you on the back but they do think good of you.
In the instance where people are harming themselves or trying to die it's considered a mental disturbance and may be because of a greater illness driving the whole thing. As much as you are scared and don't want to do this you need to tell an adult you trust about these thoughts and self-harm and that you cannot stop it nore the voices in your head.
What must happen next for your safety is to go to any emergency room. Don't hold anything back and have them tell you why you have these urges, feelings, desires. They will treat you and help you get back to valuing yourself among other things and control the disturbance and figure out if you are depressed or something different.
When people want to harm themselves or die the hospital by law keeps them 72 hours for observation. Don't be scared of that because all it means is that you are getting help and having a rest from everything going on and getting well. You can see your family and go about activities and interacting with other people. You just can't be at home until then until they figure out the help you will need.
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Yeah life can be hard sometimes. Probably most of us here have at least considered or wanted it to end. A lot of times, you don't really wanna die, you just want someone to listen and understand. I referred some suicidal guy on here to the suicide hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). After a week or so, he thanked me and told me that calling that number and talking to the people there "talked him off the ledge" so to speak. He talked to them and they were very understanding and put things in perspective. Its worth a shot right? Better than hurting yourself.
Often, we make ourselves feel bad cause we don't have those things we want. Happens to most if not all of us. A way to reverse that is to be thankful for what you DO have. I take lots of things for granted when I'm feeling "pouty". I wanna die cause I don't have the $ and relationships I want. (which both things are pretty easily accessible if you work at it) And I completely take for granted things that REALLY matter. Being able to walk and run, have full control of your body. Not being in any pain or have a disease. Be able to see beautiful things, listen to beautiful music, smell great smells, taste awesome food... Like the saying goes "I wanted to die because I didn't even have shoes, until I saw a happy man without feet. On a side note, sounds weird, but there are shows that help you see that you're not as messed up as you thought. By watching people that truly are messed up. Shows like "my strange addiction", "hoarders" and "intervention" can help you put things in perspective.
About the friends and relationships thing. You can be like me and just decide that its not really important if others care about you or to what extent they care. Letting go of the idea of feeling lonely just cause I am alone. Putting your happiness/self worth in other people's hands (by gauging how much they care or don't care) is a HUGE mistake. Letting go of expecting people to behave a certain way has been instrumental in my mental health regarding people and relationships. I think this is what you need. NEVER EXPECT people to behave a certain way. That way you're not disappointed when they don't fulfill your expectation. Its not really what they're doing or not doing that hurts us. Its the unmet expectation.
There was a time where I too wish it would end and I was put out of my misery. But we don't know what happens next... Hell maybe?, reincarnation? Karma says that we will just come back under the same or similar circumstances till we learn what we are supposed to learn or experience what you're supposed to expetience. So I could kill myself and just end up in a bigger shithole than the one I just got out of. Yeeeaaah, think I'll take my chances with this try. Or nothing at all happens. Oblivion.
Life is a school and sometimes leaves scars. The most difficult times are the ones we learn the most from and grow the most. Hardship is what makes us grow as human beings. So, call that hotline to talk you off the ledge and help put things into perspective. Learn to not base your happyness/self worth based on how much you think others care about you.
From my experience, life just gets better after 18. Might be off to a rocky start, but things often work themselves out. Pretty soon, you'll look back and wonder why you were trippin so hard on something that maybe wasn't that big a deal.
Gotta roll with the punches and get through this time. You'll be glad you did.
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My guess is that you are worrying about your future too much. I have been in your place. I tried hanging myself when I was 19. The rope snapped and I survived. No one in my family knows it. I did have suicidal thoughts afterwards but I didn't go for it because I thought about my family. You will be leaving behind a scar that doesn't heal in time. About no one liking you. If people don't like you it's their problem. They are missing the chance to talk with a fantastic person like you.
I'm 24 now and still hurt myself once in a while. Both of us are kinda same in that. I have scars on my left hand which I take the trouble of hiding it from my mom. So I stopped. I'm employed and earning pretty well. At 19 I never thought I could earn but that's not the case now.
Things will change. You must probably be having a lot of free time. Get a new hobby. Remember an idle mind is a devil's workshop. The more you stay at home. the more these kinda thoughts creep through. Share your problems with someone who is trustworthy or seek a therapist. Do not hurt yourself. It isn't worth it. You will probably feel bad for it later.
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