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Confused
I have never dated before because I was always to focused on my education *20 year old female. Now I like this guy and he likes me. Problem is I don't understand him. When I give him attention he makes me feel like I'm bothering him. When I ignore him he wants to be clingy. And every time we see each other there is an awkward vibe. He says we need to talk about our relationship because even our friends are confused, but when we are alone he does not want to talk. PLEASE HELP.
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Be blunt and insist on that conversation. Tell him what you said above about nit understanding him. He needs to know how he is coming across sbd you have to know whether to move on. If he cannot do that with you than forget it and him. You would only run up against constant indifference and mindgames. He appears not sure in imself let alone you to be brutally honest and that's not a great foundation for friendship let alone what you hope for with him.
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Well, it could be a lot of different things dear, no way for us to know. It could be his personality makes him act as he does, it could be due to both of you having a lack of experience in dating and dealing with and understanding the opposite sex, as in the book--Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and it could be that the two of you really were never meant for each other either in a short term relationship or for a life long one. Not having dated before, you will not be able to recognize the signs that give a clue whether the relationship has a chance or whether the two of you being together is a big mistake. At 20, I didn't know how to recognize the clues so i married a guy. After 30 yrs, I finally divorced him. It was a big mistake and i wished I had the backbone to leave earlier.
Soo, don't avoid a talk. Talk is important in any kind of relating, whether with a friend, a coworker, a parent or sibling. Without good communication, a relationship will suffer. Although keep in mind that just talking alone will not make a relationship successful if the two dont mix well like oil and water.
So talk to him. Find out what his concerns are, and state yours if any. When people give conflicting show of interest in someone as both of you are doing, its more likely that neither of you are sure what you are looking for in a relationship and that needs to be determined in your mind and heart first before you will know what to do with prospective males you meet. You should be able to know early on, in a handful of dates whether a guy shows promise and you show continue to spend time with him or if he's wrong. You cant do that if you dont have a written or at least a mental list of what you are looking for or think you are looking for. 2nd time around, I made a list and had to keep updating and refining it, adding some things and leaving out others until I had a good idea of what i was looking for. Then when meeting a guy, I thanked him for his interest but told him I needed to share up front what it was that I was looking for in a guy. I said, If he didn't feel he could fit the bill, then I was perfectly okay with him saying so and ending it right there after a couple dates. I also said that in dating, I might discover after some time that my feelings for him are not the same as at first and I'd let him know and we'd part. Its all about finding the perfect mate and that's harder than finding your next pair of shoes.
So I suggest reading books on relationships, conversation between male and female, something to teach about serious dating do's and don'ts, the mistakes we make that turn a person off and so on. there are some good videos on dating dos and donts for girl if you put that in a search on you tube, but I suggest getting books as well. good luck dear.
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Seeing that you both are confused about where your relationship stands. If you feel like the conversation is extremely needed then push him to have the conversation. If you both are interested into eachother, but you two are having troubles bounding then make it clear to him that you dont understand him. The talk will clear things up.
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