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Does My Father Love Me?
Back before I was born, my mother and father didn't have the best relationship.(She left him after 4 years) He was a cheater, and abusive from what my mother told me. He never took care of her and very rarely helped out with me when I was born. I often brought these stories up to him and he always denied it saying that my mother exagerrated to make him look bad. Once again on our way home, she told me more stories on how horrible he was and I brought it up again and I think that he got upset because I believe he realized I found out the truth about him after all these years that I believed he was a good person. Ever since then he hasn't text or called me or anything. He just denied everything.
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While it may be true that he was abusive and a cheater, it could also be equally true that Mom felt bitter towards him and in her hurt tried to emotionally turn you away from him by painting a worse picture of him than how things were.
My own kids when small didn't really see the issues and problems even tho they lived with it daily. My husband was abusive verbally. Once they were teens, I had to leave for my physical health and begged them to come with me but they wanted to stay with their friends, or their school. Once I was gone, it became apparent quickly who had kept the functioning of family life on an even keel...me. It wasn't until I was no longer there for him to target, that he began to treat them and his new girlfriend the same way he had me. My kids were 18 and older once I came back into the area after going to live with friends out of state while I healed. As young adults, they now could decide for themselves what exactly they saw in their dad and I never said a bad thing about them. They pretty much all have been hurt and dissapointed by him and limit their time with him. You had a choice to examine your fathers own character. Unless it was a need in you to idolize your dAD and see nothing wrong with him, then if he's the good man you really know him to be from the time you've have with him since becoming a teen or adult, there must be a good reason why he's not keeping contact, or at least his reason seems valid to him. For if you confessed to always having niggling doubts not knowing who to believe but now you know exactly who he is and what he's like. If you are supportive of him and complimenting him for being a good person, then that should be no reason to cut off contact. I dont know how longs its going on, so maybe its something recent thats taking up his attention, problems at work, loss of a job, repair jobs at home or financial worries, health issues, etc... He may just be mad that he was robbed of the chance to be with you when you were growing up and that has him not wanting to keep contact at all. I know, a very silly reaction but some people actually do that, choose to make themselves suffer even more rather than take the more pleasant path.
I wasn't sure of your wording tho. So in case that you confessed you've learned the truth and realize now that thinking as a kid that he was perfect but now you've discovered the truth that he wasn't is what actually happened...then I can see why he wouldn't want to talk with you. Either he's still in denial. Or he knows he did wrong but doesn't like being reminded of it, and doesnt know how to or care to humble himself enough to admit it and ask forgiveness, in which case he may be angry because he doesnt want to have to confess to such things and so he cuts off communication.
People do really weird things all because of their emotions, usualy negative emotions, anger, regret, etc...so theres no way for me to really know why. I could only put here a few reasons that might or might not apply.
If you never hear from him again, even if you try, the best thing for your peace of mind is to keep this thought foremost, he had a problem with your mother and relationship, not with you. Or perhaps he has some mental illness that caused him to act that way and having it diagnosed back then and getting on meds may have changed everything. It was discovered now that my ex has mental illness, a highly functioning version so its hard to detect out in society but at home is where they drop the facade and act themselves and let the disturbing character traits out. He refuses meds so he will never improve. If this is the case for Dad, that mental illness of a sort, if what affected him in how he behaved, then he is not entirely at fault, he was born that way and even in the last 20-30 years, many others have gone undiagnosed with mental illness. If he does have it and it had been caught, things might have been different with medication. You have no way to really know this. But its a good possibility and takes a lot of the pressure off him for choosing to act a bad way and ruin his chance to raise you and be Dad when you were young. Or look at it this way, he was half responsible for giving you life. So have gratitude if even for that one thing. thats what my daughters do as they can't find much redeeming qualities in their Dad. I have given them the same talk regarding his mental illness so they dont hate him. But they make wise decisions as to how often they have contact with him because in each time they meet he says something to hurt them or hurt or piss off thier boyfriends.
If my own father had had such issues, i would choose to believe that he loved me the very best that he was capable. It just won't compare with the way that Tv Dads, or your friends DaDS were able to love them.
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