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explaining to my mother
hi when I was younger my dad and mom split up and I lived with my mom over the past 2 years my dad married my step mom and has two children witch are my step sisters and since i was 8 I have been able to fly back and forth every summer to visit my sisters but now im 13 years old and my dad and my step mom got a divorce and I barely see my sisters anymore and I also have problems at my home with my mom problem is my moms boyfriend she has been with for 3 years wont stop drinking and coming home and yells at her now right now my mom has about been I think 13 weeks pregnant and her boyfriend still wont stop drinking and now that im becoming a adult I want to live with my sisters really bad and ive been in a lot of stress because I will miss my mom but I really feel uncomfortable with her boyfriend over the past 3 years and she wont listen to me the other reason is I want to start my career early so I have a bigger success in life when I get older like modeling or acting and other stuff I haven't talked to my mom about this yet but I really want to be here for my sisters and I want to ask her but all my life she said no and no and no over an over and im too afraid to ask what should I do pls help :(
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Where to start as there are some problems with what you are thinking that you have not considered. There is also some solutions that you can follow to help yourself and your mom.
Lets start with going to live with your stepsisters. Your stepmother has no legal responsibility for you. She may love you and she may have treated you as her own when you visited but legally she cannot be responsible for you. In order for you to live with her You mother, biological father and stepmother would have to enter into a legal guardianship arrangement where in your stepmother would take on the legal responsibility of parenting you.
Can such an arrangement happen? Yes it can but it has to happen between the adults it is not something you can legally start. Your biological father is still legally responsible for you until your 18 regardless of where he lives.
If you would prefer to live with your father's second wife I would suggest you contact him and tell him that you are not comfortable around your moms boyfriend. If you fear that in a drunken rage the boyfriend may harm you in some way say so to you father. You can also tell him how you miss your stepsisters and how you would like to live closer to them. Then you ask to come live with him. If that's not possible, then ask him if it is possible to live with your former stepmother.
If it is not possible to go live with him it is not because he doesn't love you. It would be because your mother was given legal custody of you in the divorce. In order for you to go live with your dad you mom would have to agree or dad would have to go to court to prove she was unfit.
Last if none of the above is possible and you are concerned for your safety you can go to the police and ask for help. They will help you contact child protective services (CPS) IF CPS finds you moms boyfriend is not fit to live with you and your mom he will be told to leave or they will take you from her. If they do then your dad would be asked to take custody of you or another relative. This would also be a time you could ask to be placed with you step mom and if she agreed CPS would make it happen.
These are your options, they are limited but they will work for you in the end. If you are ever afraid or if you mom's boyfriend ever hurts you, this includes threatening you. You have every right to call 911 and ask for help. You do not need permission to call for help.
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I am guessing you are mom's only child as you mentioned no siblings by her. If it was a housefull of kids, even though she'd miss you, it might be a wee bit easier having one less kid around to take care of and look after.
Also, mom's boyfriend drinking means his thinking and actions will be compromised by not having a clear mind. It puts you at age 13, in a very awkward and potentially dangerous position. I know sometimes dads have reaped daughters but its even more so with moms boyfriends.
You did not say so, but if this man is making such hints or advances towards you, you need to let mom know. Its her boyfriend whom she loves so she may not believe it or not take you seriously. If it is or ever becomes an issue and you are afraid for your life, then talk to a school counselor. If its a more immediate threat like right that evening, walk to a neighbors and ask to call police from there or walk to the fire or police station for help. Let them know whats going on and they will get you help.
Now as for seeing your step sisters, I dont know the situation between the adults involved and whether financially they can't afford to send you. Often parents will say no without explaining why. So you have to ask. If mom says its a financial reason why you cant go fly out to visit them to stay for lets say all summer, then what you'd need to do is find a way to raise the money on your own to make it possible.
At 13, we all think we are very grown up but a part of our brain lags far behind and won't reach its adult reasoning and decision ability at matureness until at least our mid 20's. Not making this up, Its a scientific fact you can research for yourself if you want, its the frontal lob of brain that takes so long to become mature. So in any decision making, it is best to always seek advice. In that, youre on the right track by thinking to ask here. However, we aren't close to you and your family and don't know you and family situation as closely as family would. the best place to start asking is mom, dad, step parents, aunts and uncles, grandma. Let them know what your concerns are and what your wishes and goals are. You have several listed here. tRY not to present it as all one issue.
As for earning your own money, it is very possible with the internet today. My 2nd husbands daughter, when she was 11 was playing IMVU online and realized the need for clothes to purchase for avatars and she began to create them and was earning money in the game account from it. However she needed a way to get the money out and heres where the support of parents come in. She needed to create her own pay pal account but to do that, she needed her own bank account, mainly a savings account with a debit card and for that, banks require a parent to come in with the minor and also be a signer on the account. So you will want an adult you can trust to not take your hard earned money out of your account, a situation I can see as a slight possibility if boyfriend was drunk at the time he was looking for money for more booze and used your moms card on your account. I've heard from a girl who's own dad took out all of her own money out of her account.
Once you turn 18, you can have the parent removed off your account. SO if you have some talents and something you could sell on the internet, thats one of the most popular ways young teens are earning money before they are able to get hired at 16. Hope this helps you some.
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