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Is it a break-up or no? Confused
Hello,I've been in a long distance relationship for quite some time now,as of a week ago,I didnt hear from my guy,due to some personal problems and his dad being in the hospital. Below,I have written the text message he sent me:
''Dear___ ,So it's been long enough and I think you deserve an explanation for my absence.I've been drifting apart. mostly because I dont know what I'm doing right now.I need to get my life back on point and I just cant rely on you right now.And when I say rely on you,I mean for you to be okay with whatever life we would live together.There's a dream and then there is reality and right now its looking difficult for me becauseI cant seem to find a stable job.But Ive made a commitment from today and from nowIm going to change my a lot of my ways.And I cant keep this long distance relationship thing with us going anymore.No more photos,no more videos or anything like that.I really need to focus on my life right now instead of our life.I definately think we can work in the future but right now I need to focus on myself sincerely from the depths of my heart.I feel like part of the stress that put my dad in the hospital is my fault.I'll talk to you soon.''
So,essentially,I have different scenarios.
Either Im being let down easy,and this is my chance to exit.
Or,he wants me to wait for him to get his life together
Or he is calling it off but gave me a little hope while he runs away
Or he really means what he says.
Im very confused,first he cuts ties,and then says,yeah,we have a future.... Its confusing....
Its hard,its very very very hard,and I just want to know what to do.I love him dearly,I love his family so much.
He is struggling with jobs,and he wants a stable one,so he can get a place for us to move in together....
Thank you in advance for your advice
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If this guy, took his time to write this, he means it. If I were you I would be proud, don't take it as a bad thing. Take it as this is your time to do the same. He came to the realization he needs to do something for himself and that's a wonderful thing. The way I see it, he loves you. HeS just stuck and need to find himself "you cannot love another until you love yourself". Let him do what he's gotta do, if you truly love him that's the best to do. Be happy for him and be there for him if he ever needs it. He will appreciate it more than you know.
Stay strong girl.
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From the sounds of his message it seems he has a lot on his plate and perhaps feels that ending this relationship with you will help ease some of the pressure or stress so he can try and deal with things (maintaining a long distance relationship can be very stressful).
All I can gather from that message is that he is breaking things off but him saying that you could work in the future does seem unfair to you because first saying he wants no contact then saying there's a chance for you both just seems very contradictory, perhaps he is confused as to exactly what he wants. Have you tried to ask him about it at all? From my perspective it seems he is either saying it in an attempt to try and lessen the hurt he may cause from breaking things off or he really does believe that sometime in the future you both could re-connect. However, this is where you may well need to decide on how you want to proceed.
You could just wait it out until he sorts things out and hopefully comes back to you (you could even tell him that you will wait for him) but the reality of this situation will be that during this period of waiting without contact at all, he could meet someone else or his feelings he has for you can change. You may well end up meeting someone else and in time your feelings could change and then what if out the blue he suddenly show up in the future at some point? It may not be as easy as just dropping everything and carrying on like nothing has happened.
I'm not entirely sure why he said what he said but this is something you should ask him - you deserve that much so you know where you stand. It will be a chance for you to be able to tell him where he stands too because if he is asking you to wait for him it isn't in my opinion something that is fair on you or him.
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The only respectful thing to do, is assume he means what he says. He's definitely calling it off, but it's also clear that he hasn't really thought through what 'off' means.
He's also definitely confused, and you don't have to just be confused with him. It's totally legitimate to ask him some follow up questions and expect clear answers: Did he just break up with you? Does he still want to talk to you at all? Are you no longer together and now free to see others? Is he asking you to wait for him or to have reduced expectations of him while he looks for work?
Do yourself a favour and just ask him the tough questions now. He's not a moron, he knows what his text looked like, and he knows it was vague. You are owed some more clarity than that.
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