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My grandfather just heard that my sis & I think that he's a lousy grandpa
I feel like a terrible granddaughter right now. My paternal grandfather is currently in the hospital. His mouth keeps on filling up with blood and it's making him gag. Judging from the last time that we spoke to him, the doctors have no idea what is going on.
For most of my life I was not close to him. In my opinion, he never really made much of an effort to be in my life. He was someone who never called and who I rarely saw. Honestly, I never thought that he loved me. My sister feels the same way.
There were times that he really hurt me. For example, when he did not attend my high school graduation dinner, after telling me that he would attend. Instead he chose to stay at home with his puppy when my godmother (my aunt) was going to pick him up.
When I was speaking on the phone to him, he told me, "So, I was speaking to your sister today, and I heard that the two of you think that I am a lousy grandfather." I could tell that he was hurt by that. Hearing that I knew that he loved us, and he is my grandfather, so I obviously love him too.
How can I show that I do love him, and that I do forgive him? Life is short and I want a relationship with my grandpa, who I know now loves me. I can see him a lot more now, because I am graduating out of college soon and I plan on getting an apartment close by to where he lives. He's in good spirits, a true fighter, and everyone thinks that he will pull through.
My long-term boyfriend and I are going to the hospital to visit him, and he will be the first one on my dad's side of the family (the side that I am closest to) to meet him. I am hoping that he likes my boyfriend as much as I do and grows to love him as family.
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This is a tough question to answer. Hopefully the doctors will correct whatever is wrong with your grandfather and you will have the time to show him that you do love him.
By introducing him to you boyfriend as the first member of the family outside your immediate family you are showing him how much he means to you. When you introduce your boyfriend make sure to tell him he is the first extended member of the family to meet him and that you wanted him to be the first one to meet him.
It is hard to say why you felt your grandfather did not love you. There could be a valid reason why he chose to stay home rather than come to your graduation dinner so on this you might give him the benefit of the doubt.
Your grandfather might be like my wife's father was. He believed that it was the parent's job to parent not the grandparent and he took a hands off approach. When we visited he did not play with my son but when he was older they would talk. Now we did find out that he did have a favorite among his three grandchildren which was of course the child of his daughter. We found this out by looking at how prominently awards and things my son earned were displayed over those of his cousins. It wasn't right and my wife even spoke to her dad about it. But that was the way he was.
As with his children he rewarded excellence. When my son did things he was proud of he rewarded him in his own way. I don't know your grandfather but is it possible my father in-law and your grandfather are alike. If so it is not that he didn't love you he just had what we could call old world ways about him. Not like grandparents depicted in TV shows from Hollywood.
My suggestion is you really don't have to tell him you love him, especially after your sister has said otherwise. You show him by making time for him. Invite him to your apartment when you move in, even if you are living with your boyfriend. Go and get him if you have to and have him spend an afternoon with you and cook him a dinner he likes.
You and your boyfriend could plan some outings with your grandfather to places he might enjoy going or just a picnic by a lake or the seaside depending on where you live.
Doing is the best way to show someone you love them. In this case making time for a grandparent is the best way to show your love for them. As in our busy the busy day to day world we live in it is our grandparents that often get forgotten.
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