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Should I apologize or just let it go.
Me...f,48 (but look like I'm 35),gay. I walk to work every day. During my walk I was passing this attractive woman (early 30s maybe), who would always smile at me. We smiled at each other for weeks before I stopped her, talked to her (complimented her smile, and we had a great comvo) and gave her my number(I have business cards, and a habit of jumping first and asking questions later). She didn't ask for it, and as soon as I gave it to her, I felt like she just wanted to go. Well, I've seen her once since then (it's been three weeks...we used to see each other twice a day, every day), and she said "I'm going to call you", which she hasn't done. I know she's been leaving early to avoid running into me. I misread the situation, obviously, but I also want her to know it's OK for her not to call. I'm not desperate. I just wanted to get to know her. I really want to catch her and apologize/explain... I miss her smile... but part of me says just let it go. What should I do?
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Ok, let's have a talk ma'am...
Psychologically, you can't really "let it go". That thought would only get stuck at a part of your brain like a chewing gum under a cinema seat.
So with that off the list, let's see the other answer, which is also wrong.
You see, apologizing to a person would make it seem like you're desperate, ironically. No! seriously. Just imagine it. A person gives you a calling card, then when you didn't call, he/she knocks on your door and says sorry. That ain't right, somehow.
I don't know how to put this...
That's not enough level for an apology.
This might be shocking, but it's true.
Now what should you do?
Talk to her when you catch her. Let her explain, and then, you'd apologize. There's a difference now, you know you have a fault, so now, you can say sorry.
But be ready, if ever that's the case, that means she ain't interested to you.
You can be the world's sexiest model, but you can't win the heart of a person who's not interested.
So yeah, hope this helps.
(if not, im sorry, im 15...)
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I say talk to her. Try to be straightforward and ask her if she's avoiding you. It'll be uncomfortable at first, true, but I'm sure you'll both feel better afterwards. She's not comfortable, for whatever reasons, and if you don't say anything she's going to continue to feel uncomfortable. Trust me, I've been in her shoes. I'm a friendly person and, before I was married I had the habit of smiling and being a little flirty with guys that I had no interest in - the situation that you described happened to me a couple of times and, truth be told, I had no idea how to turn them down without hurting their feelings so I avoided them. And I'll tell you, in my experience, I appreciated when they would speak up and say something about it and I've learned from it to be real and straightforward with people and not run away. If you talk to her, tell her you meant no offense and just thought she was cute but make it clear that if she's not into you or not into girls that's cool and you're fine with it. In the end, I'm sure she'll be flattered and thankful that you said something so she could relax and stop avoiding you. And YOU'LL feel better to get it resolved too. Hey, you may even end up friends and laughing about it some time in the future. Just remember to keep it light and friendly. You sound like a cool person who's comfortable with herself and that'll come across to her so, if she's cool too, she'll feel both silly for the avoiding and flattered by your interest. If she's not cool about it, then that's her loss. You will know you did the mature and truly nice thing. Good luck!
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there you go, you said you realized you offered something unsolicited and put her on the spot. I am very talkative and sometimes will start telling a person a story they didnt want to hear, have no interest in or no time to listen. I still goof up at times but have learned, would you like to hear more about ???, I have a funny story on the subject. If a person says yes, then I have the go ahead. I do know that gay or bi women tend to have something not tangible, but something invisible they let off that other such women are able to pick up, vibes I guess you could call it. Out of curiousity I went with a bi female neighbor friend and her husband to a club they liked going to. When I saw how many females walked right up to her and hugged or kissed her on the spot, I was wondering if anyone who saw me there with hubby would assume I was bi too. I was enjoying dancing when only 1 female asked me if I was bi. I said I wasn't and she was surprised as she felt for sure I was.
In all your story, I didnt hear anything about picking up that she might be gay also or bi. In general public, other than having been once at the club, I never think that when a female is being friendly towards me that she might be gay, bi or hetero. I simply figure that she saw something she liked about me for a friend and that is it. It might be that later she got the weird vibes that you might not be hetero like her if that was the case. Or if gay, she wasnt attracted to your personality or no pheremone connection, just not the right vibes and therefore feels no reason to call.
I'd say your gut feeling is right to let it go. Some people are really squeamish when it comes to talk about sex, attraction, sexual orientation or gender identity. And if their subconscious picks up even a hint of something along those lines, they panic and don't know how to handle it other than avoiding. Thats her particular way of handling. Not everyone can be as self assured and comfortable as you. For whatever reason, she's unable to tell you anything. Lots of people lack skills of how to tackle a situation like this.
If it helps to ease your mind and your concerns, to understand her actions better, put yourself in her shoes. If you have a great imagination this shouldnt be too hard...like watching a movie play out in your mind where you are playing the role of her and all the actions and emotions that come with it.
Now, if you were her, lets say shes straight and her gut is telling her you just might be gay. She doesnt know that for sure, just guessing. Now picture yourself with just this guess, approaching a gay woman like yourself and saying something. What exactly would you say? Hi, I've been kinda avoiding you. You see, its cus I've been picking up weird feelings about you. I thought you might be gay or bi and I am not. If you were gay, you might have your feelings hurt or dissappointed at the very least. Lots of people take things so personally too easily and if not gay, could become very upset with her. She feels its safer to say nothing and avoid than end up with her foot in her mouth and perhaps pissing someone off seriously and now having someone who's out to pick on her as a way of getting back at her. The world is too full of such sensitive, and insensitive people, so I can understand why a person would avoid rather than confront. Its human nature, the fight or flight complex. Either one runs and hides, or bravely stands ground and faces the scary situation.
You're best off not saying at thing, and also...not taking any of this so personally. the fact its bugging you simply means you resolve to do better next time when approaching someone. Us friendly outgoing types have to keep things like this in mind to avoid making people uncomfortable.
good luck.
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