23/F
Hello, I want to start by saying that I grew up in a house hold that everything got discussed and everything had a solution. Two parents that loved each other and did everything together. Even after 25+ years of marriage they would still grab the car and go places almost every Sunday. Unfortunately it all came to an end when she passed away recently.
But that's not why I'm here. I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years with a guy I've known for over 8 years. Started dating after talking for a good 6-7 months. Everything was great. We could talk for hours, hangout all day, we both love to dance even though I'm more of a dancer than he is. I could literally see him everyday and at the end of the day when he went home I already missed him.
Lately, a couple things have been happening. From me finding out that he has hungout with other girls with telling me to constant arguments about petty things. I hate arguing I think its such waste of time and energy.
Hes always going out of state with his boys for the weekend but the moment I decide to go out with a girl friend or even my older sister its suddenly an issue. And I honestly stopped going out because I didn't want to make him upset. Up until recently. I started going out again and I'm not much of a drinker so I am always conscious of what I'm doing and who I'm around. I go, have a couple drinks, see people I haven't seen in a while and that's it I come home. I feel like he thinks I go out and dance on all these guys and get sloppy drunk and flirt. But I don't.
I started to notice little things that in the past wouldn't have annoyed me but now I do. He always needs someone asking if he needs help 50 times before he finally accepts. Or if he's upset at me I have to ask 3 days in a row before I get an answer. Or the way he ignores me when hes around his boys for hours. I think its safe to say my feelings aren't what they used to be.
Thing is mom has gotten sick and even though I want to call things off and venture out I feel like I cant because of that. I love his mom and I think me leaving him it would probably drive him insane. I feel like this is such a sick relationship and I want to get out but idk if I should stay for the time being. Please help
You sound like a truly kind and sweet person. I admire that. A lot of people do not take into consideration what someone is going through before they break up with them so I'm truly impressed by the compassion and caring you're showing for this guy.
That being said, I think you need to do the right thing and break up with him. Staying with someone because they're going through a tough time doesn't do them or you any good. You can be there for him, AS A FRIEND, but being in a toxic relationship (which is what it sounds like) is not good for either of you.
Two things to keep in mind - 1. There is never a "good time" in someone's life to be broken up with. What if after his mother gets better (and I sincerely hope she does) something goes wrong with someone or something else he cares about? Are you going to stay with him another year? Another 5 years? Will you marry him just so that you can help him through his tough times? Of course not. So why now? And 2. In reality it's not fair to him for someone who is not "All In" to be with him just to be 'nice' during this time. You can be there for him without being WITH him. Make sure he knows that and mean it when you say it. He needs a friend during this time, he needs someone who cares as you do, but doesn't NEED to be in a relationship with you to get through it. And you surely don't need such toxicity in your life either. It can embitter you in the long run and from the sounds of it - as kind and caring as you seem - you don't deserve that. Hope this helps! Good luck.
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Me...f,48 (but look like I'm 35),gay. I walk to work every day. During my walk I was passing this attractive woman (early 30s maybe), who would always smile at me. We smiled at each other for weeks before I stopped her, talked to her (complimented her smile, and we had a great comvo) and gave her my number(I have business cards, and a habit of jumping first and asking questions later). She didn't ask for it, and as soon as I gave it to her, I felt like she just wanted to go. Well, I've seen her once since then (it's been three weeks...we used to see each other twice a day, every day), and she said "I'm going to call you", which she hasn't done. I know she's been leaving early to avoid running into me. I misread the situation, obviously, but I also want her to know it's OK for her not to call. I'm not desperate. I just wanted to get to know her. I really want to catch her and apologize/explain... I miss her smile... but part of me says just let it go. What should I do?
I say talk to her. Try to be straightforward and ask her if she's avoiding you. It'll be uncomfortable at first, true, but I'm sure you'll both feel better afterwards. She's not comfortable, for whatever reasons, and if you don't say anything she's going to continue to feel uncomfortable. Trust me, I've been in her shoes. I'm a friendly person and, before I was married I had the habit of smiling and being a little flirty with guys that I had no interest in - the situation that you described happened to me a couple of times and, truth be told, I had no idea how to turn them down without hurting their feelings so I avoided them. And I'll tell you, in my experience, I appreciated when they would speak up and say something about it and I've learned from it to be real and straightforward with people and not run away. If you talk to her, tell her you meant no offense and just thought she was cute but make it clear that if she's not into you or not into girls that's cool and you're fine with it. In the end, I'm sure she'll be flattered and thankful that you said something so she could relax and stop avoiding you. And YOU'LL feel better to get it resolved too. Hey, you may even end up friends and laughing about it some time in the future. Just remember to keep it light and friendly. You sound like a cool person who's comfortable with herself and that'll come across to her so, if she's cool too, she'll feel both silly for the avoiding and flattered by your interest. If she's not cool about it, then that's her loss. You will know you did the mature and truly nice thing. Good luck!
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So, I finally got my crush, like I always thought it would be crush, but turns out he is into me, and just woo ! But, we going on a date, having Chinese, just any tips, for if it goes quiet, because I'm one of those people that get so nervous I can't talk, anytips, any good subjects to talk about?
I'm so happy for you getting your crush! That's exciting. Here's the thing you need to remember, the hard part is over - he already likes you and asked you out! You don't have to make him like you anymore. You just have to MAINTAIN it. So the fact that you get nervous and can't talk is probably something he already knows and thinks is adorable so don't worry too much about that. The truth is the pressure is more on HIM than you. He's supposed to take you out and try to impress you and get you to like him. It's the beauty of being a girl. The pressure is usually on the guy. Truth is, HE IS ALREADY INTO YOU and he's probably nervous too! When you can't think of something to say, don't freak out, look at him and realize he's probably freaking out trying to think of something to say too. So bail him out, ask him if he's nervous? Speak what you're thinking about - be real - if you can't think of anything else speak exactly what you're thinking - tell him you're nervous OR ask him if he is. Or if you're afraid to tell him what you're thinking then look around and point out someone else and wonder out loud about them - "I wonder if they're on a first date too like us". It'll take the attention off of you for a minute and give you a chance to relax. He's probably worried he'll do something YOU don't like. In the end there are two things you have to remember - 1. What you're feeling he's probably feeling too. And 2. This isn't just about how much you can get him to like you, it's also about him wondering how much YOU like HIM. Remember THAT when you get nervous and use it to calm yourself down. Also, always laugh at his jokes and remember to touch his arm every so often - it tells a guy you like him. Good luck!!
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