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Going away together for the first time.
Hi guys! I'm twenty and my boyfriend is twenty two. He and I are going away for the first time in August and I'm so nervous about it. We've been dating for a couple of months now, I've gotten quite acclimated to his friend group and vice versa-he with mine. So, anyway, his friends are all planning a big beach trip and he asked me to go along. We're renting a beach house that sleeps ten so the more people we get, the better it will be for everyone money wise. Anyway, I'm excited for it since it's a bunch of people that I like and get along with. But I'm so nervous that it's going to be our first time away together. I know in relationships, there's a first for everything but this is kind of a big deal.
I'm guessing we would share a room in the house and that kind of thing but that would be the first time that we would be sleeping in the same bed and even having a "sleepover". I know that the night time is really the only time that we will be alone too, with so many friends going and sharing a house, there's going to be someone everywhere besides our shared room.
My parents are strict, so he hasn't every stayed over my house for a night. I'm the little girl in my family so they're both just protective of me, but they both really like him and his group of friends, which is why they're letting me go away to the beach with them.
I'm especially nervous since the couple of days we are utilizing to go to the beach are the three days before my birthday and everyone that is going to the beach, is going to my birthday. We're all already planning to get rooms, we're having my birthday at the casino and since it's my 21st, I don't trust myself, nor any of my friends to drive home afterwards so we're all getting a couple hotel rooms for the night. And with my over thinking, I've come to the conclusion that if the beach days go bad or they're awkward, sleeping arrangement wise, I feel like my birthday is going to be awkward as well with the sleeping arrangements.
I like him a lot, I do. I'm making him seem strange with how awkward I know he's going to be but he isn't awkward in any other regard, I just don't think he wants to overstep his boundaries, he still wants to be a gentleman which I do respect. I think it's just him realizing that we aren't going to have our own, separate houses to go back to when we're done hanging out, when we're tired and ready for bed, we have to go back to the same room for the entire night.
Anyway, I guess my question to all of this is: how do I get over feeling like this so I don't ruin the two trips with my over thinking? I've been told that my over thinking has ruined things in the past and I don't want to do that here. How do I just go to the beach and be with him and all of his friends and enjoy the time with them and have it not be weird at the end of the night? Any help is appreciated, if you yourself dealt with a similar situation your first time away with your significant other.
Thanks!
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As Adviceman said, I also believe the big unknown might be the subject of the possibility of sex. No matter what your parents beliefs are or how they raised you, you're an adult now and able to decide whether or not, and where and when you will have sex, even if it goes against their beliefs. Just be safe and have condoms along with in your purse if you think its even a slight possibility.
One thing that stood out is when you wrote: "I'm guessing we would share a room in the house"
The problem is that you are "GUESSING', which means you do not have enough facts. I don't consider it over thinking but thorough adult-like planning to get all the facts and info straight before hand. Sharing a room and how many beds available are two different things. If there are two beds, and you get your own, that will make you likely feel more comfortable, am I right? I know how hard it is even with good intentions to abstain from anything sexual when we move in our sleep and end up in contact with the other person. Sexual interest and passion can flare pretty quickly. Plenty of times either my hubby or I have gone to be saying I am so tired, fighting off a cold or I have bad acid reflux or whatnot, so lets not do anything tonight. We agree. But later as we're snuggling up, we find ourselves wanting to have sex despite how we may be not feeling our best.
So, you need to know, how many bedrooms there are. Have an idea of how many beds and how many in each room. Once you know that, of all the people going, you'll want to know how everyone is planning to divy up bedrooms. Are there girls who will be present who are not sexually active yet with boyfriends who'd prefer to be sleeping in the same room or same bed with another female and guys share rooms together. If you do not know this, best to talk things out before hand rather than try to decide once you all get there.
Describing him as a gentleman means nothing as far as sex goes. there are gentlemen who are sexually active and others who aren't. And gentlemen are not able to turn off their libido at will according to the situation they find themselves in. So gentleman or not, you need to be realistic here. And it all comes down to what Adviceman said, do you want to have sex with him or not. If so, the shared beach house isn't the place, too many can hear you and you wont enjoy yourself. The hotel is a better place. Don't decide on whether you are willing to have sex or not once you're on your trip. Thats too late. Decide now. If you are willing but he would rather not on this trip, that would be good to know so you both can plan your first time after the trip. The only way to know if he's ready to have sex and waiting for a signal from you is to ask him. If he's ready, but you aren't...let him know that even tho it might look as an opportune possibilty, you want him to know ahead of time that you are not ready and its not happening at any point during this trip. It might feel awkward at first to talk of such things, but if you can't do so with your boyfriend, you're definitely not ready, but he needs to know that.
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After reading everything you have written I believe the overriding question is, will you have sex with him at the beach house or will he expect you to have sex with him since you will be sleeping in the same bed?
You don't say if you're a virgin or not, I have a feeling you may be. Even if you're not the elephant in the room is sex so why not get that question out of the way before you get to the beach.
First you're over 18 legally an adult responsible for your own actions. If you want a sex life it is your choice to have one or not to have one. The same goes for going to the beach with your boyfriend; your parents really have no say in what you do anymore. It is great that you wish to honor them by asking their advice but in the end it is your choice they cannot punish you for going or not going or having a sex life.
Now the question of sex. If you want to have sex with him then say so. You may not want your first time, with him or if you are a virgin, to be in a house full of other people. That would be understandable. The first time you have sex or the first time you have sex with someone you would want your privacy. Even though you would have your own room two places where your privacy is not totally private are beach houses and cruise ship cabins. These walls are thin and the people in the next room can hear everything that goes on generally speaking.
If you do want to have sex with him a better place would be at the casino where I'm sure you will be more comfortable and have more privacy. If you are a virgin and wish to remain one then tell him so. IF you want to wait for a more private location to have sex with him tell him that.
You can sleep in the same bed and not have sex as long as you have no expectation of sex. My wife's roommate had boyfriends spend the night all the time. When she was not going to have sex with them they slept in the same bed with two sets of blankets. She slept under one, he slept on top of that one and under the other. They could cuddle, kiss and make out but the blankets acted as an old fashion bungling board separating them.
Short answer to your question so as not to over think or ruin this for you and him. Remove the elephant in the room and discuss whether or not you will have sex with him at the beach house. Once the expectations are known you can both have a good time. If you are not going to have sex with him tell him why especially if you are one who wishes to wait for marriage. If he truly loves you he will understand.
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