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Husband is distant and playing mind games
The past few months my husband has really went downhill in a few ways. He has put on 50 pounds, he is always missing work, and no matter the problem or situation, I seem to get the back lash of it. He hardly talks to his family and expects me to do the same. He will turn small problems in to huge ones that he likes to make grudges of. I feel like nobody can do right by him and that eventually if I keep overlooking things, I will loose friends and family because of it. He is only friendly to me when he wants something. I work full time and do all of the house work with no help and am starting to think that this is how my life will be forever unless some actions are taken. I honestly feel very used and broken and think that we should be much happier than we are. They're good days, but over the past few months the bad is outweighing the good. Any helpful advice is greatly appreciated.
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Sounds like he's depressed and bitter/disillusioned by something/just over it. Maybe something happened? Putting on 50 pounds is reason enough to get depressed. If its the weight gain that's the cause of the depression, maybe his way of dealing with it is by pushing others away and lashing out. Good luck getting a man to talk about his feelings or why he's acting the way he's acting. Hmmm, maaaybe you can encourage him to write what's going on with him in relation to himself and to you. Easier to write it, than to express it. Even if he just writes it and doesn't show it to you, just writing it can sometimes make one see themselves or the situation from a different perspective.
Part of how men are is that they want some space once in a while. Nagging him into telling you what's wrong will only make him want to get away more. So if he wants some space, give it to him.
No reason to stop hanging out with your friends and family. If he doesn't want to go, you shouldn't try to force him. Or stay because he refuses to go.
You telling him he's getting fatter in subtle ways is also a bad idea (not that you said that). My sister does that and not only is he still gaining weight, he's bitter cause he's fat and gross to her now. So he deals with it by lashing out and not being his normal/happier self. But he can't stop eating his favorite foods.
Another obvious choice is therapy or counseling, but he doesn't seem like he would be inclined to do that. I've found that walking in nature or hiking is very uplifting. You get exercise, get some fresh nature air, get out of your usual places where you always are, being miserable, in his case. So maybe that would be something he'd be ok with.
Even though the book "men are from mars, women are from venus." Doesn't cover this subject specifically, its still a good idea to learn how men and women think differently. Maybe you're doing something that's "bad" in his eyes, while you're only trying to help or understand. Or you can recognize patterns of behavior he does that you don't like, but he does them simply because he's a man (and not to annoy you) and men think differently than women. Its certainly worth your time to listen to the audiobook. Ideally, you would listen to it together. I think the whole thing is on youtube.
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Well have you talked to him about this??
is there anyway you could sit him down and talk to him and ask him whats REALLY going on here, and why he seems to "have something against" everyone all the sudden these days??
It sounds like hes really stressed out about something and hes just not talking about it. If thats the case then make it known that if he doesnt tell you whats wrong how can you help fix it?? how can anyone how fix anything hes feeling if he wont make his feelings known to the people around him? and then just see what he says.
Let him do the talking. stay calm, dont let anything hurtful he might say get to you in these moments, he needs to see that he has your undivided attention and that you want to be attentive to him if he'll only give you the chance.
if hes feeling depressed about something thats out of his control, try to console him and say theres just some things in life that none of us can control but we have to try to move past it and keep going. Take him out and get him a nice hair cut. Really in this life the small things DO help and show others that you care and WANT things to be ok.
based on what youve said here today this is the best i can do. feel free to inbox me if you have more questions or need more help. good luck.
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