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My father doesn't love me anymore
I am a 21 year old female going on 22, currently finishing my degree. I have a rather different life compared to most 21 year olds, I have parents that still dictate my life regarding when I go out with friends, how long I go out for and if I go out one one day of the weekend I'm not allowed to go out any other day. I realize it because I still live under their roof I have to follow the rules, but this is not the issue. The reason I've brought this up is because it's the only attention I seem to receive from my father, I have made me fair share of mistakes as a teenager that did not make my parents proud, but I have spent the last 6 years of my life making them proud, my mum has forgiven me but father doesn't seem to, and believe me I don't mean anything drastic, I basically got caught drinking with my friends after school when I was 16 and that has seemed to ruin my life. Ever since then my father gives me no affection, comes home after work walks pass me and greets my 17 year old sister, he praises her accomplishments, he's there for her through the things he's never done for me, and I can't seem to understand it since my sister is not doing anything with her life, she's taken a year off studying and still doesn't know what she wants to do. I've tried and failed to receive love from my father, he is deeply involved in religion all of a sudden and if I ever refuse prayer, he yells that it is the law in this house and forces me. My father is a person that constantly needs to display authority, there is no arguing with him or expressing your feelings he'd just get mad. I don't need a solution because I'm prepared to move out at least a year from now, to get away from this , I just need to understand what I've done wrong and why he treats me this way.
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Heres the thing. Its not always YOU ok. Sometimes people think their lives are going to one way and when they go another people get deeply depressed to the core and for whatever reason they will refocus that anger on someone else and find someone else to blame for things that have gone wrong or "not according to plan".
What you might try doing first of all, is no matter what he says, DONT LET IT GET TO YOU. Dont let him stir such deep emotions in you that force you to take that anger out on yourself or others because its not worth it and youll only be feeding into his bullshit.
There are plenty of men who feel like they need to show authority in their house, and that is something you should really talk to your mom about because shes probably having to deal with this too and it could be just as stressful for her that her husband is practically ignoring one of their children more then the other.
I would try to talk to her first and get her on my side by asking her how shes doing with dad acting the way he is, and if it ever gets to her. is she the passive type? or does she ever stand up to him and defend you?
As a wife this would piss me off alot. Its not ok to practically ignore our children and make them feel like they are somehow "unworthy".
What you also might try is when everything is calm, the house is quiet, and hes sitting there just watching tv and seems calm, just walk up to him, sit down near him and ask if "we can talk" stay completely serious.
maybe start out with a "hey watcha watching??" ((wait for his answer as you sit down nearby))
If he seems to answer you in a calm manner or if he doesnt answer you at all, say hey i was wondering if we could talk, just the two of us?" ((even if your mom is there thats ok))
((wait for his response, saying completely calm no matter what comes out of his mouth dont let it set you off))
If he agrees, ask if he or you can turn off the tv so that you can make eye contact.
then say "is everything ok between you and me? you seem kinda like youve been in a mood lately or upset with me"
((let him answer, stay totally quiet and poker faced do NOT show a reaction or interrupt him because he needs to see that your paying complete attention here in this moment))
now we're going to talk worst case scenario and best case.
worst: he gets pissed off because you interrupted his show or something and leaves the room refusing to talk this out.
you will: ask him where hes going, say you only wanted to talk and let him walk away because hes too much of a coward to act like an adult and a parent.
best case: Hes says ok, turns his full attention to you and is open to talking.
you will: say youve been feeling like hes mad at you for some reason and your not sure why but that you'd like to hear from him and where hes at right now with thinks. ((your basically "checking in with him" and trying to gauge where his head is at when it comes to his thoughts, his attitude, why he hasnt been talking to you.
You can mention here that you "dont like not talking and remember when you were little that things being easier to talk with him about up until recently" ((even if its not totally true this may hit a nerve for him emotions why and his heart may soften up a little for you to worm your way in there. ; )
once he softens you can gently ask if you done something wrong, or if hes just going through some things right now and that your asking because despite everything you DO care about his mental well being.
you saying big words like this will probably shock him and make him feel like you are REALLY growing up because you actually care what he thinks and feels.
i can help you more with this if you need to you can hit me up in my inbox. ; )
good luck.
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