|
This Was Bad Advice, Right?
Hello, I'm the woman who was on this site a couple of days ago asking for advice about my friend, D' s behavior towards his ex girlfriend, A. I'm sorry to bother you, but since you said that I could inbox you if I needed to, I wanted to ask you something about an answer I got to my question this morning. This answer got me thinking about my own judgement of the situation. I don't agree with the answer because this guy totally put words in my mouth and twisted shit all around, but what I was curious about was whether or not D sees things this way. This was the answer:
""D was always paranoid that A was going to cheat on him"
A very sensible thing to think, seeing as he "stole" her off P.
"A is a devout Christian"
A is a devout hypocrite if she is having sex with someone to whom she is not married. You say that A is "jaw-droppingly beautiful". People tend to think better of attractive people than they deserve, and it seems to me that that's what you are doing here.
"A broke up with D a couple of weeks ago when her ex boyfriend, J came back."
LOLZ! So A was only doing D because she was temporarily without her preferred "the D", if you know what I mean. How long did she last without getting some? A month? A week? My picture of A begins to come into focus.
"I've tried to tell him that he's better off because they were too different and because she's kind of a player anyway"
No kidding. That's putting it mildly. He religion means nothing to her, her relationship
with J means nothing to her, and poor Mr D (whose penis she was using for a while, until J came back) means less than nothing to her.
"Does D sound like a stalker? If so, what, as his friend, can I do about it?"
No. If he'd been going through her trash or spying through their windows, *then* he would sound like a stalker. He's just coming to grips with the problem that he has been steamrolled by some attractive people.
You know what this sounds exactly like? It sounds like the plot of "The Great Gatsby".
"They were careless people, Tom and Daisy--they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back to their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made."
My advice? Show him my post here. Let him read this:
D, you know how you feel that A would be more into you if you were better-looking? You are absolutely right. She would. Loose weight. Get in shape. Maybe even take up a martial art, for confidence. Oh, you won't get A again cause all the work in he world won't make you tall, but you will be able to get the P you want. Leave J and A to it."
There's no way in Hell I'm putting a question in this guy's inbox, but his response did make me think. His comments made A sound like a heartless slut and made D sound like a innocent wimp. D' s my friend and I love him, but YOUR answer seemed spot on to me. The guy who left this answer was wrong about almost everything. They never had sex, and she did try to make their relationship work. He was the one who didn't. She did care about him, but he pushed her away. She was the religious one and he mocked her beliefs. She cares about him and J and does not use them for sex, but this guy assumes that's the only reason she would want either one of them. Sure, she dumped P for D, but it's not like she dated them both at the same time and it's not like D was innocent in that situation either. His answer upset me quit a bit because now I'm freaked out that D sees things the way this guy does, which makes me worry about him and guys in general more. Is this the way some guys think? It can't be the way they ALL think. I don't know the genders of the first two posters, but their responses and yours were great. I'm pretty sure Rahzie is a woman and that Dragonflymagic is too, but the last poster is a guy (the only guy) and his answer bothers me. Especially since he sees NOTHING wrong with D's behavior, even the standing outside of her bedroom window at night. Guys in general don't see this as normal, do they?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Thank you, and you absolutely CAN inbox me anytime. ((Ive always been really good with people and through the years with friends always coming to me for advice AS situations are playing out right in front of me ive learned quite a bit))
the guy poster your talking about is a bit opinionated TRUE but not all guys think like him NO absolutely not. He too has probably been hurt in the past maybe even by a similar situation happening in his life and thats why it was easier for him to see things the way he saw them. When i read your question and then his response i could see how he could have taken it the way he did. Through no fault of either of you, what you may have been trying to convey and what he interpreted things as came across wrong thats all. It happens all the time and theres no shame in it, all he has is his own thoughts right in that moment when hes reading what you wrote so he has no choice but to take what your saying at face value because none of us can hear the tone in your voice, or your concern for your friend. kinda like how texting with a friend can end up in an argument at times. see what im saying?? maybe your friend thought you said something "mean" when you didnt mean it that way at all.
what we do here is give as many answers as we can you if YOU feel someone gives one that could work for you then you can run with it. you dont have to agree with what everyone says because their view of the world may be somewhat skewed or from an angle of someone that is emotionally damaged making their advice not usable.
good luck and feel free to hit me up anytime!
(everyone else does ; ) hahaha
]
More Questions: |