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Should I tell them to stop texting each other? I'm just jealous, afraid and paranoid.
20/f
My best friend from college recently introduced me to a guy who she thought I would really like. Him and me are in a wonderful relationship now and I truly love him. She has known him since they were kids and nothing ever happened between them. But,recently she broke up with her long term boyfriend and is quite in the dump. My boyfriend and I are her best friends and we're doing our best to console her. And here is where the problem lies: I am jealous. And I feel really guilty because of it. Firstly,because I know he is a great guy and he loves me dearly,he has never given me the slightest reason to be jealous. And secondly,she is my best friend and she was the one who brought us together. I have a few very bad experiences,and as a consequence I find it very difficult to fully trust him,despite the fact that he's proven he loves me so many times. And I know how slimy some girls can be after a break-up,to even go as far as stealing someone else's boyfriend. I am very troubled by my jealousy since I feel I don't have a valid reason. I don't know what to do. I don't want to get in the way of their friendship,but I feel hurt when they text. I have already talked to my boyfriend,he says they are just friends and that he never even thought of her as a girlfriend. My friend says they are just good friends and that he's not even her type. I don't think they are really lying,I'm just afraid and paranoid.
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All you need to do is learn to trust them and let them be. If they would break it, then it's their problem. Just try to keep calm, okay? The more you're silent, the more their consciences are loud. Give them enough trust, love. Everything will be okay soon. :)
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The problem is not them. You don't trust your boyfriend or your best friend. You mentioned how "some girls can be so slimy after a break up" you really think your best friend would do that to you? These are the two people that you are supposed to trust the most outside of your family.
You need to realize that your best friend would never do that to you. She set you up with him, obviously she has no desire to ever be with him then. Girls like to keep guys to themselves, but if they pass them off to someone else.. it means they were never interested in them. Also, anyone my friend has ever dated, I have never felt attraction for. I know that he is with someone else, and it is my friend. The idea never even enters my head.
Also, if you really love your boyfriend, you wouldn't worry about it. It's ok to get jealous sometimes. I would be mad if it was a random girl. But, he is talking to your best friend, who he was friends with before you got together also.
You need to relax, and not ever bring this up to them again. Your best friend would be really mad at you, and may even act out of spite.
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It takes time to build trust in a new relationship. I don't know how long you've been dating him but I'm going to guess a couple of months which isn't long enough to know enough of his character beyond a shadow of a doubt. So for one thing, it takes time. But also, it takes a certain intimacy, a bond, the guy saying and doing certain things that will help build that trust in you. Let me give you an example with my 2nd husband. His ex really has no one. She was an orphan so him, his dad and their one daughter now married and moved away are all she has. His is her only emotional support system and in our 6 yrs she has called any time she has something bad happen or she is really depressed. He calls her Honey, because she is dear to him, but not as a mate or even an ex wife, she is to him what he would call any person he has had a close connection to in his life, and considered family, like his best friend and his best friends older sister. She is like another sister to him. He has several facebook old female friends too. He has proven to be a man of his word. He is what one calls a man who feels it is the males role to support and uphold women and treat them with respect and as equals. If he were to treat only me that way and not be available to help encourage or do an odd errand for a female neighbor, then he wouldn't be that kind of man. that is something that can't be selective, choosing to be that way with wife, girlfriend, mom sis and aunt but no one else. He though not a professional counselor is good at listening and helping people. He actually will do that for men too in his life if they ask for help. But too many females don't have a man in their life they can depend on. There is a limit though to his help and reaching out to women, I am his first priority and if he were to spend too much time helping out others, his time placement would be out of balance. So as long as your boyfriend is a good kind hearted soul who wishes to help an old friend, but keeps things in perspective and puts you and your needs first, then all is good.
If you feel jealous, jealousy is a fear, usually of loss, or being replaced. This would mean that you do not feel reassured that you are the one his heart beats for, that you are his one and only. In relationships, when someone moves on to their next, it should be an improvement which for my husband, according to what he's shared, I am a great improvement in many many areas over his ex. things that were lacking or he never got to experience in a marriage cus she wasnt capable or had many issues. So he praises me all the time for the qualities I have in my personality, my looks, how I show him love, etc. etc. and he never stops. I hear something like this on a daily basis and never tire of it. This is why I am so sure of my position with him and my importance and know that truly no other woman can interest him because he doesnt just love my looks but really who I am on the inside.
A younger man may not realize how important this is. If you;re just starting to date, it's probably too early for him to be that sure that you are the only one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. that will take time, but he has shown his interest in you and told you she means nothing to him. You will have to trust him. You are not going to lose him unless you push him away by being jealous. Lack of trust when there is no reason not to trust if he hasn't cheated is a sure fire way to kill a guys love for you. So you need to work on yourself to become more self confident. If you think it will help, have a night where you both agree to write a list of all the things you appreciate about the other, things about him that makes him so unique, you could never replace him with finding another guy if you lost him for example in an accident. He would need to take the time to write a list like that for you. If it is hard to do for you both, it may be too early in your dating relationship and you both need time to get to know each other better. But good and constant reminders from both of you to each other will be a sure way to feel confident about your importance to each other. I hope you can find that with him.
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