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I don't know what to do anymore
So, it seems as if I'm never able to please my family members. I always end up disappointment them. I'm 14/f and the school year is almost over and I'm under a lot of stress and pressure of getting my grades up and finishing final projects and regions too. My mom doesn't understand that all I want to do when I get home is just sleep and calm down. My older brother said that I'm a lazy bastard that just abuses my mom and grandmas assistance around the house. My mom calls me names like pig, useless, a disappointment, and I can never make her happy no matter what I do. I want to tell everybody how I feel about their hurtful remarks (at times I end up crying but they don't care) but I'm a shy person who's kept to herself and I fear that they'll just laugh at me and look at me even lower then they do now. They even tell me what would my dad think of me and that just makes me want to just die in a hole because he was a good man and he died from cancer. I just want to die and maybe everybody would be happier and not have to stress about "The disappointment" of the family. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just physically and emotionally exhausted of it all. I'm slowly giving up on everything and nobody notices or cares anymore.
I'm sorry that this is so long but i didn't know how to fit this into a few sentences
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
In response to what adviceman said. You can tell a counselor or trusted teacher. I don't know if that will really make them stop and treat you better unless they feel threatened somehow. Kinda like why its so hard to tell on bullies, cause lots of times telling on them will only make things worse. (hopefully this changed nowadays)
If you decide you don't want to go that route, maybe you can find an activity or club or something where you spend time with people you like, instead of having to be at home.
I lived with someone who was verbally abusive and what I had to learn is that. Nobody can make you feel bad without your permission. Meaning, if you don't care what they say, their words can't hurt you. 2 things that facilitated this is "forgive them, for they do not know what they do." I decided to forgive them for being a-holes and that they are sick in the head and don't know any better. They can't help themselves. I know they don't deserve forgiveness, but its for you, not for them. If you forgive them and accept that they are sick and are not aware of how much they hurt you, it becomes much easier to deal with them.
Maybe talk to your grama? You didn't say she was mean too. Or maybe an uncle or aunt you trust.
Bullies like your mom and brother are psychologically broken. They make themselves feel better by degrading someone else. If you forgive them for their crappy personality traits and you see them as being mentally ill and don't know what they're doing, the things they say won't hurt you. If they do hurt you, Forgive them. It's not their fault. They're sick. They don't know anything else.
Another 2 things, I'd like to suggest, is the audiobook, "the power of now" you can find it on youtube. It will help you remain calm in the chaos and help you understand what your mom and brother are doing and why they do it. Also, "the 4 agreements" This book talks about words being like magic. You can use your words to help and heal. Or you can use your magic words for evil like your bro and mom do. Thing is, you have to let their black magic affect you. If you don't let their poisonous words reach your feelings about yourself, then they lose their power.
Lastly, meditation is a great escape from reality. It will make you feel more empowered and let you brush off black magic cause you'll be more in a state of peace. There's guided meditations on youtube. Try some out, see which ones you like. Meditation takes practice, so don't be discouraged if you don't feel anything initially.
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Don't apologize it sounds like you have good reason to vent. Venting is one of the reason we are here.
First my condolences on the passing of your dad. Not knowing how long ago your dad passed may I ask if it was close enough that mom the rest of the family, as well as you, may still be in mourning for him. The reason I ask this is mourning is a form of depression that we all must go through when we lose someone close. We all mourn in different ways.
From what I'm seeing in what you wrote I can see child abuse or I can see someone in mourning lashing out and you happen to be the person in the line of fire. Your older brother just picks up on what your mother does.
The other side of what I see is just plain child abuse and that is illegal not that the other isn't as well. One is understandable to an extent while that other is not. Yes I know this is a little confusing.
What I would like you to do is tomorrow discuss what is going on at home with a trusted teacher or your school principal. Once you inform them of the abuse, this is mental abuse which is a valid form of abuse. They must by law step into help you by notifying the proper agencies such as child protective services (CPS)to come and talk with your family.
If I am correct in my thinking that in some manner you mom is still in mourning for your dad. CPS will find her help to better deal with her loss than lashing out at you. If there are other reasons for lashing out at you they will help correct those problems as well. CPS does not always remove children from the home unless they are in imminent danger. This does not sound like your problem. So talk to either a teacher or your principal and get help to fix what is broken at home.
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