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Ex is emotionally harassing me
so I'm 24 ex is 23 we were together for 3 years. I broke up with him cause he wasn't make an effort to come see me or talk to me or spend the weekends with me. The only time we'd ever talk is through text and while he was working I had to ask every night if he was planning on coming over and at least calling to talk and he always had something more important to do. Then the weekends would come and I'd hardly hear from him only a few text or so. He just wasn't putting in the effort I needed him to. But somehow that was "my fault"... Everything was always somehow my fault. Well anyway we broke up on Saturday cause it was my birthday last week and I had to ask HIM if he planned on spending it with me and when I made him feel guilty he did but then the weekend came and I asked if he was coming out with some friends and me and he refused he wanted to play games. So I broke up with him I had enough. Well since Sunday he won't stop texting:calling so finally I answered last night to tell him to stop and he was like "ok fine sorry I even bothered trying" like really?!?! A few phone calls doesn't count as trying... I'm just over the whole thing am I wrong to be mad that he considered that as him trying?! I've been trying to get him to spend time with me for months and I get nothing but excuses
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Okay you are no where in the wrong at all. I had a boyfriend of 8 months, we were long distance and we never had met in person (long story) i really thought i loved this guy. Around 5/6 months in i stopped having so much interest in him. He always had an excuse not to skype me he constantly only wanted to text. He would get so mad and jealous when i hung out with friends, even if they were girls. It's bad to say but i kinda dealed with him for another 3 months until i had literally had enough. I broke up with him and he was so mentally attatched that he tried to commit suicide over me to guilt me into dating him. I told him it was too much. Anyway i think u should tell him that you want the attention, who wouldn't and not being able to see him or constantly being stood up hurts you, let him know exactly how you feel. You cant waste your life on this one guy if he won't do "anything and everything" for you. it seems as if he just doesnt wanna be alone. he wants to be able to say he has a girlfriend to fill in some of those empty pieces. i could be wrong but you jsut gotta let him know how you feel just flat out say it and if he deosnt like it then oh well, what are you gonna do about it? You really cant do anything at all.
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No way we're you wrong. Not all all, whatsoever! He clearly didn't care enough if he would prefer to play video games than spend time with you. No one would want to be together with someone like that. It's like that song 'gone' by tobymac. This situation is exactly like that. If you listen to it then you'll see. He thought you would always be there anyway, so he took advantage of you. NO ONE likes that. I would say try blocking him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you being furious with him. I would be the same way. He clearly wasn't worth your time, so find someone who will respect you.
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He is who he is and there is a chance that he may never during his entire life change to become a better person, partner and male. Usually, a person's actions tell you whats going on at core inside him, what his motives, beliefs, morals etc are and like fruit on a tree that tells you what kind of tree you'r looking at, his actions have shown who he is currently at core. That doesnt change overnight.
A relationship needs two people putting in 100% effort to make a relationship successful. And a couple of phone calls is not 100% effort in my book.
If you decide to cave in and let him back, knowing what you already do, then at that point, you no longer have a right to be mad at him if he repeats his mistakes because you already knew what he was all about and it was your choice.
Strike this up as a learning experience for you. Hon, we all go through that with relationships. Its just that some of us wise up faster. I wish I had some one who woulda talked turkey with me, plain facts like this when I was your age. I didn't wake up and leave my abusive ex til 30 yrs later. Now I hope to encourage younger gals to look at all the real facts and decide whether the guy is worth it or not.
Just as an aside, I will post a questionnaire I got off the internet to know whether a guy loves you or not and the questions asking if he does these certain things, I can attest to as being fully possible because my 2nd husband is all that. this quiz should help you in the future to determine sooner if a guy really cares about you or loves you.
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
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