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how to stop my boyfriend from talking to his dad
my boyfriend I been with for over 3 years now and I cant stand his dad his dad is a bad influence and is a cheater and my boyfriend acts different and wants to fight me when he hangs around or talks to him when he don't talk or see him he acts normal and nice to me I don't know what's wrong
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
First off, if your boyfriend is a minor living with his father, than basic humanity is going to require he speak to his father. It would be pointlessly rude and nearly impossible to give a parent the silent treatment.
Secondly, this is an utterly unfair and unjustifiable thing to even consider asking your boyfriend to do! That's his dad. You don't get to make ultimatums about his relationship with his dad. You have no right to even imagine you are entitled to do that.
If his father is abusive towards him, or makes his life worse, than by all means advise your boyfriend to get some distance from a toxic person, but that is father, and his choice to make. Not yours.
If any person I ever dated asked me, or expected me, to cut a family member out of my life, I would dump that person on the spot. That is so disrespectful.
If your boyfriend acts differently after speaking to his dad, then talking to your boyfriend about your boyfriend's behaviour. By all means ask to be treated the way you would like to be treated. By all means, point out to your boyfriend how you see his attitude change after he has spoken to his father.
But instead of making the absolutely, 100% inappropriate suggestion that he end his relationship with a parent, show some concern for your boyfriend! Ask him how being with his father makes him feel. Ask him if he wants to talk about it, or needs help. Suggest other people he might reach out to for support when his dad upsets him!
Stop. Absolutely Stop. Thinking that the only problem here is your feelings. If your boyfriend is going through a transformation like that when he deals with a difficult family member, then he needs your sympathy, your respect and your support, not your absurdly unreasonable demand that he reject that family member.
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If he's not an adult yet and living under his parents care, he can't just stop communicating at home. Maybe it's a divorce and time spent visiting Dad which is a court decreed thing usually. I don't know if he can choose to not see his Dad. If he did, found Dad to be disturbing and stressing to him, perhaps he could bring it up with his Mom. If he likes seeing his Dad, then he won't be likely to refuse seeing him. Sometimes we get the short end of the stick and end up with parents that are not good role models and very negative people. It will take some personal strength of his own to choose to ignore his dad's bad ways and not choose to copy them. Just because a parent or adult is seen acting in negative, abusive, morally wrong ways, etc... does not mean it's okay.
I think the best thing you can do is bring up to him the changes that you see, as if he was two different people. Let him know which behavior you do not like and won't tolerate. Since you care about him alot, you want to give him a chance to improve himself in that area and have a suggestion to offer him. Ask if you may. If he doesnt want to hear, you may have to stop seeing him for a scheduled period of time, like a month until one of two things happen, 1. he misses you and decides to want to work on his relationship with you 2. or you never hear from him again. You have to make any contact and he still shows no interest in changing. He may be too young and immature yet to want to but might once he grows older but (I am guessing here since I have no age range from you.) If he could care less that you weren't around and doesn't miss you, then despite the length of time together, he isn't all that into you.
What you need to understand is that no one can actually 'make' another person change. It's that old saying, 'You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.' The horse has to have a thirst to drink right? Same with people, we need to have our own internal desire to change, to want to improve ourselves below we will take the steps to do it. No one can give that person the desire to change. What can help in his life is having a better male role model other than his Dad as far as relationships are concerned. You might ask him what men he knows of that he really admires for being a good man in society, to their girlfriend or wife and kids if any. You can encourage him to spend some time with, if the other person is willing (like the big brother program unofficially) to be there for him, be his mentor and available to talk, for him to spend enough time with seeing how the man treats others. He would have to want to be more like that man in his behavior and decide to want to change.
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