Question Posted Wednesday February 4 2015, 4:46 pm
So, I'm a teenager, and my parents seem happy together. They go places together and talk, but... Well, first off, they don't sleep in the same bed. My mom has three dogs who like sleeping with her, so she sleeps on the couch with them. My dad sleeps in the bed alone because the dogs annoy him when they crowd the whole bed. Is this weird? Also, I know this'll sound weird, but they never have sexual intercourse. I know it's none of my business, but I know for a FACT that they haven't done anything of the sort since I was, like, born... I'd know if they did, LOL. Since they're never alone in a room with the doors shut or whatever, and they're just never... Alone. Except for when they talk and are at the store, but I know that my parents aren't intimate. There's honestly no way. Is this weird? I've brought it up a few times jokingly, and my mom says because she's too busy or whatever. It's kinda concerning.
It's not really weird. It's relatively normal.
Fun Fact: You sleep better when you're NOT next to someone else. Science says so.
If your parents don't fight. If your parents don't throw plates at each other. If your parents seem happy, then you shouldn't worry about it. Relationships work a lot of different ways. Many of which, you won't understand until you're in one that works contrary to how you thought they should work.
Want an example? I'm asexual. I don't have sex. It's not that sex is gross. It's not that I dislike being close to someone. I just don't feel sexual attraction to people. People can be nice to look at. People can be wildly fascinating. I just don't get that moment where you look at someone and want to have sex with them. I still date. I still have relationships. I still like to make out with people. I just don't have sex. To me sex and intimacy are totally separate things. And... that's weird. But it's how my life works.
So, I wouldn't worry about your parents. Love comes in a lot of different shapes and sizes, with different accessories and features. It's a strange beast, and it's a personal experience for everyone. [ pseudophun's advice column | Ask pseudophun A Question ]
Crizma answered Wednesday February 4 2015, 11:53 pm: sadly enough it is not that uncommon. Things change after many years together and people just get comfortable. Seems a lot of couples stop trying to do things that would please thier s/o and just get set in thier ways. If the other spouse doesn't raise hell about it then things just start being that way all the time, I suppose.
It is obvious that they do love each other or else they would live apart. It's pretty damn cool that you love them so much be concerned if they have alone time to boom chicka wow wow.
How bout arranging it for them to have the house to themselves to possibly do some things they may have been neglecting for far too long? Not that they would use the alone time for it but hey it is a good idea. You could give them a bed and breakfast getaway for christmas of Mother/ Fathers day. I bet they would do the deed then ; ) [ Crizma's advice column | Ask Crizma A Question ]
Dragonflymagic answered Wednesday February 4 2015, 6:16 pm: My parents after 4 kids had no sex life. What they were is each others best friend though. I ended up in first marriage with a guy who not only wasn't my best friend but we were sexually mismatched and didn't have sex often. So I wondered how common that was. I was really close with coworkers in my department, all married with children. I began to ask questions only to discover that none of them had sex any more and only one could claim the husband was at least like a good friend. Worse yet, none of them had ever enjoyed sex either. So why do so many people married who don't have sex? I can't say why for them but I suspect my personal answer from my experience will just about cover it for 99% of those who are married but don't have sex. The reason I ended up married to someone I had a horrible sex life with is simply as a young person, not having enough experience, being too naive, not having a clue what i wanted in a guy or what I didn't, and not having enough personal power and confidence to lay down the rules and boundaries of the relationship, which if he didn't meet, then I'm out of there. I had no idea of what the signs were that a guy was a great match, nor what the signs were that there were issues with him. Now much older and looking back, I can see that the clues were there, to not choose him and marry.
two things make a solid foundation for a marriage, one being best friends and the other being each others sexual equal, having chemistry.
If the sex is missing and both have low libidos or after some time, of no use, their sex drive shuts off or goes into limbo, then it's very possible to remain happily married, just being each others friend and not having sex.
More often, it's one having the sex drive and the other not and the one who's not getting it, going out and getting sex elsewhere. When I dated after divorce, I met guys who said they were single but hoped once I'd meet and like them that I wouldnt mind that they were married. The complaint, no sex life anymore and yet the guy never wanted to leave her because he loved her, even without sex, they were best friends.
I am now older and wiser and have more self confidence and learned to love myself enough to step away from a bad marriage. He began to verbally abuse. With what I learned, I decided, getting married as I had as a virgin wasnt what its cracked up to be. I now knew how important it was that a vibrant sex life was part of any relationship I had with a guy. If I were to marry again, it wouldn't be until I checked the guy out really well, not just sexually to make sure we were a match but spending lots of time with him, around almost 24/7 and best way was to live with a guy. There's very little a person can hold back or fake long term. So I did all that with my 2nd husband before marrying him.
When your time comes dear, just because the majority of people are sexually mismatched in marriage doesnt mean you have to settle for less as they did. Read up on healthy relationships. Learn to understand your body perfectly, what turns you on, how to have cit, g spot and a spot orgasms and learn about all the things there is to know about pleasing a guy as well, the physiology of the sexual workings of males and females in general and then whether you are totally satisfied with sex one a week, once a month, several times a week or per day. If you really pay attention to these details, you can find something better than what the parents settled for. But don't worry, this doesn't in their case mean there is a chance of divorce because of no sex. [ Dragonflymagic's advice column | Ask Dragonflymagic A Question ]
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