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had enough of being mean to people I really like! How do I fix this?
I'm tired of being mean to the person I like. It's always me calling them names and calling them ugly when I. don't. mean. it. It makes me mad because impulse control disorder makes me blurt out some mean things some times without even thinking. I want to be nice, I really do. But I just don't know how...
any suggestions as how to improve myself in being nice? Because I want to better myself, for the sake of the person I like, for our friendship in general, and for my sake.
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if you like the person tell them youre sorry it will help your friendship with the person , and people does say mean things they dont mean. i usually am the same way but now im nicer than i was before . control your temper it will help too . let them know you didnt mean it and that you are very sorry they might forgive you . i hope i helped you on this advice im trying my best to help the best way i can .
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If this is who i think it is, you have to think about the reason behind it, you have to understand if you can't control yourself, distance yourself from the person you like so you can learn to take care of yourself too.
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Dear Had enough,
I believe that you are a nice person but that you are sometimes prone to the very human failure of saying and perhaps doing things before giving thought to the consequences. However, as you now plainly admit your fault and are expressing the desire to change for the better, I'll forgo the usual punishment of 20 lashes with a wet noodle.
I come from a time before every behavior was labeled as a "disorder" or "syndrome" and people weren't force fed mind altering drugs as methods of management. Self control was something people learned and then practiced as they made their way in the world. No one is born with this ability, people learn from experience what works and what doesn't. Some learn early, others take a little longer. A few never get it. It's not easy!
My advice to you is to get a strong rubber band and place it on your wrist. Every time you fail to maintain control and blurt out something mean, give you wrist a good sharp snap to remind you of the unnecessary pain that you are inflicting. Also, I want you to keep a private journal where you will enter the details of your every failure and also make note of the times when you were able to overcome your interpersonal shortcomings. It won't be long before you truly become the captain of your own vessel.
Best wishes! I believe that you'll make it through this, sooner rather than later.
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You are able to label what you suffer from. Is this a self diagnosis? Is a doctor seeing you? You can't rely on self diagnosis. I was reading a book on behavioral and mental disorders to try to gain insight into understanding an ex and one of my girl friends and almost everything I looked up had the same descriptions. It takes a professional to see you for some time to even come to know what you have to help you with it. So if not seeing a behavioral therapist or mental health professional. it's time to do so. If you are not yet an adult, talk to your parents and school counselors and trhey can get you set up with professional help. If you have seen a Dr. they need to know you are still suffering some this impulse disorder. They can help with things you can do to gain control and I have no idea if they offer meds for this condition.
Even if friends know you have this disorder, once spoken, words like that, even if you don't mean it, are very negative and negative words are a poision that will slowly eat at any people who spend much time in your presense. It will harm their own emotional health. So the obvious would be to keep the thoughts you get, inside your head and not speak them out. Thats one step. But takking it further to find what cause's your impulse discorder and deal with it so you no longer have it would be the best option. Thats what I'd be going for with a professional. Or, if you've had no success yet with Drs. go as a last resort to a hypnotist. They work with people all the time to stop destrutive habits like smoking, drinking, gambling, so I am sure impulse disorder would be just as easy to deal with.
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Dear Impulse control,
The next time you feel the urge to say something mean to someone who doesn't deserve it, think about if you would say those things to yourself. Treat them like you would treat you. You have to better yourself though before you can show that to people. Figure out what makes you say those things and work on improving yourself. Save it and use it on people who do deserve it like the liars and cheaters of the world. Be a better listener then a talker and maybe it helps so you can say better things instead of blurting out things that will end the friendship.
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