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humorist-workshop
College and friendship
My best friend of 14yrs attends the same college as me. Neither of us like it here and we wanted to transfer but decided not to. However, we visited another state with another college that we fell in love with and we both sent in applications and decided that we wanted to go there instead. A very hasty decision but something we really wanted. However, her parents have now decided against her going and mine have not. If I get into this college and leave her behind I fear that It will ruin our friendship , but I really love the new school I applied to and I want to go there very badly. What should I do.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
While I completely disagree with the fact that your friend's parents really have almost any say at all in where she chooses to attend school, that is indeed the case.
Now, in regard to the situation itself. I've always believed, and in doing so am in agreement with most of the authorities on the subject, that choosing a school based one where a friend or significant other goes is not a very good idea.
If you happen to go to the same school, that's great. But, it should not be one of the biggest factors in your choice.
That being the case, if you really like the school, I would go for it.
As far as your friend goes, if she is a true friend, while she may be disappointed in her situation, she will be happy for you. If she makes it an issue, then she probably wasn't as good of a friend as you thought.
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Go to the new school. You can still visit hometown, call, keep in touch via computer. Yes, it wont be the same. But rarely can a person take a childhood friend with them through their life even into old age without changes taking them in different directions. Its part of life. Different schools is the first thing that takes friends in different directions, during these years, we learn to define how we are for ourselves, not to please everyone else as before so....another change may be to ones religious belief systems taking one into hanging in different circles that the other has no interest in or belief in. Dating and relationships, when starting each new relationship with a guy, thees the star struck stage where a person cant get enough of their new sweeties and best friends get set on the back burner for a while. Marriage, now with a husband, setting uphousehold may be not close enough to keep in touch in person. Jobs, either one you apply for takes you far away or a husband gets transfered to another state. children: yes, this one solidifys the fact that all energies are going into your life and raising kids and there is no time to keep in touch frequently. The most you can expect when some of these changes occur is once a month or a couple times a year visits, but lots of phone calls and skyping. However when both your daily routines take over your life, job, husband kids, church, volunteering, vacations, then there is no time left to keep in touch regularly. I have a friend that keeps in touch on facebook, we write to each other about twice a year. My mother in law had a childhood friend she's kept in touch with and is now approaching 90. I learned that of course things changed in each girls life so that they had less and less time to keep in touch, but never did a year go by when they didn't have some type of contact, a long indulgent phone call, a weekend drive or flight to go visit if money was in the budget to do so, sending a fun care package, with homemade gifts, etc, sending updated photos of yourself and the family and the kids, writing letters, and even once or twice in your life, perhaps even a planned vacation together that both your familys agreed on. You don't have to lose her unless you intend to let that happen. All that will change is how often you see her or have some kind of contact.
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