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how can i make it up to him and get him to not be mad at me any more
14/f
me and my ex are thinking of dating again but i kinda dont think its goin to happen any more cuz i told him he wasnt a gentleman and he got really pissed of and he said to forget about hugging and kissing him and i told him i was sorry over txt ,he wouldnt txt me back and i tried calling him but he didnt pick up and i really need some help on figuring out how to get him to not be mad at me and forgive me (fyi i dont actually think hes not a gentleman)please respond asap thank you
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I am glad to hear that you told him he wasn't a gentleman. Females have to learn how to let a guy know upfront what the boundaries and rules are. You get to call the shots. You also make clear what is and isn't acceptable. Women who tell a guy what they expect up front will in their life, get respect from men and attract only the guys worth attracting in the first place.
Problem in teen years is that females are sooo hungry for attention from a male, that they will put up with anything just to get it. There's such a thing as good attention and bad attention. A young child ignored by parents and not shown love will act up and do bad things just to get attention, it will be a focus on them alright, but in anger and punishment, but the kid accomplished what they wanted, getting attention, even if it was a negative type. You don't want to encourage negative behavior in guys. Unfortunately females do when a guy misbehaves, you tell him its not acceptable and he gets upset. Then to get him back, you say you're sorry.
Saying sorry sends him the message that you are sorry you called you out on not being a gentleman, that you won't do it again and that you will put up with however he wants to treat you, even if it's something as bad as cheating or physical or emotional abuse. If he does call/text you back ever, let him know it was a weak moment and that you are not sorry that you told him what you expect from a guy who wishes to date you. If he can't agree to be the way you want, then you let him go. There are plenty of other guys out there. Girls think they might never find another boyfriend cus they are waiting for the boy to ask her. Decide what you want a boyfriend to be like, start watching the guys at school until you think you may have found someone like that, and remember you can't judge a book by it's cover. He may not look like a jock by still be okay looking. Ask the boy if he's like to hang out with you some time. Dating is like an investigative period where you find out and learn more about the guy to determine if you even want to become his girlfriend or not. If he seemed nice but eventually shows that he isn't, then stop seeing him and go on to the next. You will make mistakes in choosing a guy to ask, but as soon as you discover, he has some major faults, and doesnt treat you well, you let him go, that is the key, and you don't go back to him or that send the message that you don't mean what you say and his rotten behavior is actually accceptable to you. Also, do not say things that are not true to a guy, calling names when its not true is not acceptable just cus you were ticked off about something else maybe his fault or maybe not at all. A guy can not improve for you on a point you don't like unless you tell him. But there are good ways to do it and bad ways. Do you like being reprimanded by someone, something totally unexpected? It feels like a knife being stabbed into your heart to recieve criticism. He's human and will feel the same way. I don't know what the offense was so its hard for me to give an example. If you feel he is basically a good guy but just needs to be trained, (yes, it's much like training a pet, teehee)then correct him nicely also giving encouragement. But just for teaching purpose, let's say he put you down in front of friends, bringing up a private issue in public,embarassing you. Mind you, this is calling him on it the first time, not letting it go for half a dozen times before you say something, cus in the waiting to tell him, you've already lost the ability to be taken seriously. So, on the wrong side, you'd be joining him in his game. "Eric, you are such an asshole of a boyfriend for putting me down in front of my friends. You're being a child, grow up Eric. That's not being a gentleman at all." You have just attacked him personally and done it with an audience, same as he did to you so you don't look any better to him and he will respond in anger.
A better way, "Eric, I need to talk to you a moment in private, please step outside with me." If he wont, you leave him and the area. Wait until next time the two of you are alone to bring it up. If he will follow you, heres a sample of what can be said, "Eric, I have seen some good qualities in you such as you being so loving and gentle with animals that I know you to be a good guy. So, I don't know if you were aware of what you just did back there and feel you need to know because what you did hurt me. You brought up personal things between us in front of everyone and since you might have been in a bad mood or angry, you also put me down calling me an idiot. So I want to discuss some ground rules that are important if we are to continue to date. First, I will only accept being treated with respect. So having a private discussiion in public, will never be acceptable to me. I am more than willing to talk to you in private if you have something to discuss. Also, there should never be any name calling between us, Neither of us should call names, degrade each other, or yell at each other. I will treat you with respect and talk things out like the adults we're learning to become and expect the same from you. This is an extremely serious issue to me, so serious, that if it happens one more time, I will break up with you and not be willing to get back with you even with an apology but apology's don't change a person and make them better, only your wish inside to change to become a better person and better boyfriend will work. I want to be the best girlfriend too, so if there is something I do that you don't like, let me know so I won't repeat it again. Can we agree on this?"
i know it's a lot to remember, but you have to read and re read and just the basic gist down of what to say. Starting with a complimet, including yourself in the rules, not that it applies only to him and then asking for his agreement. If a guy listens to you but says nothing or doesnt promise to agree to the terms, you have accomplished nothing. Giving him another chance without his agreement, means you can expect him to mess up royal again and very soon because he doesnt care and actually plans to act the same, perhaps cus he feels theres nothing wrong with himself and that you are just a nagging female. If that's his attitude, you're better off, letting him go and not go crawling back to him ever.
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Yeah im sorry but i have to agree with the other poster here. Hes not worth your time if hes gonna be like that. Ignoring you is just a passive aggressive way of trying to get to you back. do NOT text or call him and after a while he will miss YOU and come crawling back just you wait and see.
He is learning RIGHT NOW based on his actions and your back how to treat a girl in the future and even his own wife one day. Show him how you treat a young woman! ; )
guys are clueless at your age, and your the more aware gender (i mean we all know it come on right ladies??) lol.
be honest with him, tell him that you didnt appreciate this or that and that you will NOT be treated like that ever again if he wants to get back with you (make him work for it) you should be the ones thats mad not him.
but give him some rope and he IS your age im assuming and doesnt know how to handle certain things yet. Take the lead and show him and every guy around you how you treat a lady (without being totally cold and controlling of course) and then give them a chance to "make it right"
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Did you guys break up because you told him that you don't think he's a gentleman?
Or was this after?
If you guys broke up over this, then he's not worth getting back together with because he gets upset over small things that shouldn't be the cause to end a relationship.
If this was after you guys broke up, just let him cool off. To be honest, I still think she shouldn't get pissed off over you just saying he's not a gentleman. If I was a guy and a girl told me that, I'd want to know why she didn't think I was a gentleman and then change that and fix it, not get mad and ignore her.
Ignoring someone is immature. But you guys are both still young and still learning. But I wouldn't even bother with a guy who was ignoring me, especially over something like this.
Either way, you've already apologized. The ball is in his court now.
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