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my kid lies
why a 14 years child lie and what to do
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Lying is a part of our DNA. You lie, she lies, the president lies, the cashier lies. It's not a big deal unless it is constant or unnecessary. If you want her/him to stop lying, sit them down and talk to them. Get to know your child, but to do this you cannot be judgmental, you're their parent and you love them no matter what. You will always be their parent, but you can also be their friend.
Open up to them, and hopefully they'll open up to you.
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I'm sure you lied as a 14 year old. You just have to catch them and explain to them that lying is bad. Punish them. Show them that admitting to their mistakes will allow some lenience whereas lying will garner a harsher punishment.
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All children lie, why this is I'm really not sure. Mostly I believe it is the fear of getting into trouble. How you handle the lying is really up to you.
How I handled my child's lying is this way. Of course he was punished in what I thought was appropriately for what he lied about. As the saying goes let the punishment fit the crime. After you talk to your child about the following advice if the lying continues then the punishment escalates until the child gets the message.
Now some children are habitual liars; hope this is not the problem with your son for if it is there is another problem. One that requires professional help do find out and correct. That help would be in the form of a psychologist and talk therapy. Hopefully this is not the problem with your child.
So you have caught your child lying. First administer the proper punishment; grounding, extra chores around the house, extra school work if the lie involves school work. Do not back down on the punishment see it threw no matter how hard it may be on you. The child must learn that just like society exacts punishment when laws are broken; mom and dad exact punishment when house rules are broken and they are lied too.
Then sit down and explain to your child how it is better to tell the truth rather than lie. One thing about the truth is you never have to write it down for it is easy to remember. Lies have to be written down because they are hard to remember and while he or she will not remember what he lied about; the person he or she lied to will always remember what was said and what the lie was. This is how they will get caught.
You continue to tell them that telling the truth will not always mean they will not get punished for what ever happened or what they were thinking about lying about. What will happen is the punishment will be far less severe than if they lie and the lie is discovered.
You may have to pound this into your child over several conversations. Just remember a 14 year old teenager has many things happening to them. Puberty is in play and those hormones may just play a part in the lying if this is something new to the behavior of your child.
It is hard for us as adults to remember what it was like to go through puberty. Puberty can hit a young teenager extremely hard causing the many problems that as adults we see as behavioral problems. They are really frustrations with things they do not know how to deal with. In fact these frustrations can cause what doctors now call "Teenage Depression" caused by Hormone imbalance as the body compensates for the new hormones.
If this seems to be the problem take you child to the doctor and have him or her screened for depression. This is not a true mental illness as it is caused by a medical condition easily rectified with a pill for a few years. During this time it is also advisable to have the child see a therapist. This is someone they can talk to that they would never talk to their parents about. Free in the knowledge that what they talk with the therapist about stays with the therapist.
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