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Getting my boyfriend to stop smoking?
I'm 16/f. I have a guy who I'm just gunna call my boyfriend because we are pretty much dating without the official title. So he smokes weed and I am the least bit judge mental about it but I'm genuinely worried about him. Like I want to try weed with him too one day but I just need to see what the hype is about. He has been doing it for several years. I have my own additions so I understand but he said that he was quitting and that was a long time ago when he said he was having his last smoke before quitting. I understand but he said he's in full control. Like I want to help him and be supportive but he just does more of it. How do I help him quit? It's better than smoking cigars or cigarettes like he used to but I still wanna help.
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First of all, you cannot get addicted to smoking weed. You can become accustomed to the routine, and basically addicted to that, but he is not addicted to weed itself.
Now, weed isn't really that bad, as long as he can function like a normal human being while smoking it. If he's doing well in school, is good to you, and doesn't make other bad choices, then why stop him? He enjoys it. Yes it's "illegal" and I wont get into my views on the matter, but you either gotta let him do his thing, or move onto another guy.
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You can't get him to quit.
It has to be 100% his choice. If he quits because you asked him to, then he'll fall back into it.
In the end, you can be supportive if he wants to quit. But you can't make him.
So like the other adviser said, you chose to date a guy who smoked. You can't go into a relationship and expecting him to change to what you want him to be.
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The short but rather blunt answer is that you cannot quit for him or prevent him doing it in any workable, practical way. It has to be his choice. You elected to date and still choose to date a guy you know smokes weed. Surely loving someone means loving who and what they are, NOT loving the person you would have them be or believe you can make them into? If he has no inclination or desire to quit you must accept that 'my boyfriend smokes weed' and get on with it, or decide that it is not acceptable to you and look elsewhere. Making him choose (quit or smoke without me) is very direct and will force a result. But you have to be in a frame of mind where you can handle either outcome before you issue an ultimatum of this order. I appreciate you feel it is in his best interest to quit but it simply doesn't work like that. While smoking weed satisfies some need, aspiration or desire in him he will continue to do it. If or when it no longer does it will hold no attraction for him. As you point out nicotine is worse since it supports a strong physical addiction and craving which often needs more than the desire to quit alone. Weed is a lifestyle choice and lacks the ability to build the nicotine dependency a 20 or more per day cigarette smoker will be subject to.
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