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Continuation of went to 3rd base, regret, and now she wants to break up
Hello, thank you very much for your answer. Perhaps I have my bases mixed up, but there was no penetration involved. Rather just dry-humping and fondling of the genitals until orgasm. Maybe this doesn't actually matter, because either way it was wrong to her. She still has her virginity essentially.
I do plan on marrying this girl. She means so much to me. I know you're mother said, "there's plenty of fish out there.." but not this one.
A day later she messaged me saying in her words" I really don't mean to hurt you ...just keep in mind that I am a little insane and nothing makes sense in my world at the moment.." to which i replied that "just know that i care about you, and i'm here whenever you need me and want to talk about anything".. She responded with a crying face and said ,I'm sorry and thank you.." You say theres not much hope, but I'm not going to give up on this girl. I vowed to her father moments before he passed that I would do my best to be there for her.. Now its just that I'm not sure if she means she's sorry, "don't mean to hurt your feelings but i'm still breaking up with you".. or if she means " i'm sorry for what i said last night, lets stay together.." I didn't want to ask because she may just rationally say in her current unstable emotional state that she does want to split up... What she said though was pretty hurtful.. never had she said anything like that before and seemed so cold the night that she said we should split up. Would you say that she's dealing with a lot of stress and pressure and just doesn't want me to get hurt if she doesn't talk to me for a bit? So she's intentionally trying to hurt me, to agree that we should break up? This similar siutation happened before.. randomly (on the subject that i said i would miss her alot)she wanted to break up.. a day later she said lets work it out and was so glad that she decided to keep the relationship... This is really killing me.. I think I should just give her space to think things through and she'll message me eventually right? IF not maybe every couple days i'll just email or send her a message asking her how shes doing? Before I give up, and try to find a new woman. I want to do all it takes to be with this one.
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I'm not sure how to put this as I can see you feel not only an obligation to her father but you are also deeply in love with her. In one sense I have been where you are having once been in love with a girl who was not in love with me. You have done your best to carryout your obligation to her father and you can still do so by being there for her should she ever need you in the future.
The biggest problem I see in your present situation is one of distance. Words in an email are cold and lack expression. Phone calls can add emotion to the words but still lack expression so they both can easily be dismissed. Tome might heal all wounds tough it may not in this case make her heart grow fonder as you are nowhere close to be seen or heard.
Going to third base crossed a line she did not want to cross in doing so she either no longer feels she can trust you or trust herself with you to stop at third base. One or the other or both are a possibility. These are real fears for her if she is set on saving herself dor her wedding night.
You don't have to give up on this girl totally. You can give her a month or two and see if she contacts you. Call it playing hard to get for she has hurt you as well. Then if you still want to, you can email her and say sommething happened that day to make you think of her and you thought to send her an email to see how she was getting a long. Christmas will be here soon and a email to wish her Merry Christmas would be appropriate.
Keep it short,tell her your happy though you miss her. Update her on any mutual friends if she has not kept in touch. Then wait and see if she writes back and if so what she says. If she does take your cue from what she writes to you. If she doesn't write back you have your answer as to whether or notyou can get back into her life.
I wish I had a better answer for you but I just do not see one. Not knowing her cultural background I can oly guess that what you did violated her in a manner that she now feel dirty and possibly used goods. If she is from any of the middle eastern countries this would be a true feeling for her as it is not only a cultural thing it is a religious upbringing that only her husband may have any caranal knowledge of her.
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If she's the kind of girl who is waiting till marriage for sex, any sexual activity will be a big deal for her. Obviously, she thought she was ready at the time but in reality, she wasn't. She doesn't want to take the blame that it was her decision.
When things become sexual, the relationship changes and she wasn't ready for that.
I know you said you vowed to her father that you would be there for her, but I'm positive her father would want her to be happy and not be with someone she doesn't want to be with.
I think she's hurt. I think she didn't want to hurt you.
Give her space. Maybe in a couple weeks, talk to her, if she still doesn't want to work things out, then that's when you have to respect her decision and move on.
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