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hey, am an 18 years old highschool senior girl, am not confortable with the way i look, i mean i know am not ugly and many people told me am beautiful as well, but thats not the issue am worried about, i am very slim girl. and all my friends are all bigger and curvier than me, they always makes fun of me, well they don't mean it in a bad way its just a joke to them, but it makes me feel bad about my self, and the boys as well see me as some skinny girl, so they don't respect me as a girl ,and i have seen many boys after my friends but not after me ; well i searched on the internet and i found out i need to work out, build muscle,but thats not what i want.i don't want to be muscley girl, i just want to weight normal, and look normal.am just tired of being called the thin and baby face girl always,even my 14 years old cousin looks bigger than me i don't really know what to do about it p/s i need help/advice!!
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Hi,
Thank you for your question to my inbox - it my pleasure to try and help you with this.
I do understand. Years ago I had some real hang ups about certain aspects of my appearance - or more accurately - my perceptions of aspects of my appearance. This is actually far far more common place than you think - it effects many more people than you would imagine. You don't realise it because people don't like to admit it or talk about it. Some of the people you look at and think 'I wish I looked like that' will have hang ups of their own - really!!
The really great news I have for you is that there actually is a solution to this.
It's not a solution that involves changing your physical appearance but of changing your thoughts about this and in turn change the way you feel. We can actually change the way we think and feel about things like this. If you think that sounds too good to be true then I'd say two things. 1. I would have thought the same at one time and 2. This isn't a magic wand solution - you don't give it a wave and suddenly get ultra confident and loads of self esteem and self worth in a few seconds. It takes work, understanding, practice and a real desire to make a genuine positive change and to give up negative and destructive thinking. This is a journey I started on that ultimately lead to me undertaking professional training in Hypnotherapy, Nuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Transformation and Life Coaching. I pursued that route because I want everyone to live a life of freedom from these negative and destructive things that can effect our happiness and fulfilment in life. What I am trying to say to you is - you can take control over these feelings and become a confident person with self worth and the knowledge that you're beautiful inside and out. It's just a journey you have to go on, not a magic wand. And it's a journey that requires determination.
Before I try and give you a helping hand starting on this journey (should you want to go on it) let me just say this: there's nothing wrong in making physical changes to your appearance if you prefer to look a certain way. It's a question of the reasons for those changes and your starting point. If your starting point is lack of confidence and a destructive dislike for how you look and your reasons are to become more confident, happier with how you look etc. Then it won't work - confidence and self acceptance comes from within not from without. If your starting point is of a person with confidence and self worth who accepts themselves and the reason is because you want to try out a new look or make a change for the fun of it or as a fashion thing that's great.
Obviously I'm really limited to how much I can write here so I'll just try and point you in the direction of things that might help you:
First of all Joseph Clough is absolutely fantastic. He is a Hypnotherapist and Transformation Life Coach. He has produced many free self hypnosis tracks and coaching audio tracks and videos which are available via his free apps and online. He also has a great book 'Be your Potential' which is available and an audio book and e book as well as in print from amazon. Check Joseph and his work out. Here is a link to his website:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Also try learning some of the fundamental principles and techniques of CBT And NLP. CBT is generally easier to get the hang of quickly and to start and apply to your own life. Starting to learn the basics of these and apply them to my life is what ultimately lean me onto training professionally in these areas - but I believe everyone can improve their own lives dramatically just be knowing the basics of this stuff!
I wish for you that you will go confidently in the direction of your dreams and live the life you've imagined!
Good luck and take care
Ashok
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