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my parents blame me for everything
Ok so just today my mom yelled that because I argue with my sister her and dad fight and because of me someone might have to leave and it might be her because she can't deal with it and today my dad pulled my sister's hair and it's my fault because I aggravated him. And when my suicidal thoughts reached them my dad told me I'm gonna have to stop or him and mom are getting a divorce. Wtf? And I'm not going to a fucking psychologist I refuse. I haven't attempted suicide and my mom made me promise not to but sometimes it seems like the only way out! And my dad seems to think I'm some unpaid baby sitter because once when I was at a bbq I said I wasn't gonna watch them all night like I always do and both my parents threw fits! Help?
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My gosh
Honetsly,
They are too either prideful or blind to see their own faults.they are acting like children despite being an adult
Friend,I think you should at least tell this to your relatives
Or real adults.
Hope it helps.
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Parents blaming their children for their problems is not only poor parenting it is child abuse, mental abuse, which is just as real as physical child abuse. Yes you should see a psychologist for you need someone you can talk to, scream at if need be who will help you put what is happening in its proper perspective or it will ruin your life for ever. Don't be like I have been and try and bury it and then have it all come out in a near death experience when you're in you mid 50's and have to deal with it and the accident and lawyers and everything else that happens when some drunk driver runs you off the road.
You can't fix what is wrong with your parents but you can get help for the abuse you and your sister are under. Talk to a trusted teacher or your school principal. Tell them what your home life is like, in detail as I'm sure there is more than what you wrote to us. They are required by law to protect you if they feel you are being abused at home.
Just what action will be taken I can't say as it is up to what child protective services feels is needed to keep you safe. Your parents could be sent for counseling. You would be assigned a person for CPS who will check on you or you could call if needed.
It does not always mean you or your sister will be put in foster care. That is something that is done if you or your sister are in real danger, which I don't see from what you have written.
Children don't come with handbooks like a new car. Some parents come by their parenting skills naturally and some like your parents may need to be taught how to parent and how to cope with teenagers and still manage to love each other. This is what CPS does, they work with families to correct problems. It is not their purpose to break families up. So please tomorrow talk to a teacher or your school principal.
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Wow, I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I'm not really sure to say other than that your feelings are completely valid and your parents' behavior is abusive. Blaming someone else for an irrational outburst (pulling hair, etc) is a classic abuser behavior.
Please just hold on, I promise you there is a way out of this other than suicide. You won't have to live with them forever, after all. You can get through this - even if it is not always pleasant, there are better things waiting for you if you pull through.
Is there someone you can go to with all of this? An aunt, uncle, teacher, guidance counselor? It doesn't sound like you are in a very safe environment and they may be able to help you.
Stay safe and God bless xo
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If it's exactly as you say it is, a parent pulling their offsprings hair does not sound like adult behavior.
It sounds more like both parents have their own issues to go through that are not related to you kids at all and chose to point the blame rather than face facts. Even if they are mismatched in marriage and no longer love each other, or the two of them fight each other because they are selfish people,or financial pressures are putting then at wits end, or perhaps there is some truth that two teen girls bickering is getting to them, other adults and parents have to face the same things every day and not all will lash out at their kids, only the immature ones.
The reason pressures come into our lives is for the purpose of shaping and bettering us, helping us grow. We don't grow from living easy care free lives with all our dreams come true. People are like diamonds, it is thru great pressures that carbons create diamonds and great pressures create a jewel of a person too.
Your parents are going to have to learn how to process through whatever it is they are avoiding. No, pressure isn't fun. If they don't learn to process through what ever it is they need to learn in life as souls, then pressures will continue to increase for them until they either crack, or learn. And this will happen, even if you and sis and other siblings were no longer in the home, even after you're all grown and on your own. It isn't fair that you are stuck in a dysfunctional family but then perhaps that is your pressure process to learn to deal with. If I were you, I'd reach out to school counselors. Tell them everything you told me, and if they don't take it seriously, which I highly doubt, then you will need to keep telling people until you've got someone who will do something about it. Maybe you have relatives who are sane and mature you can talk to. Right now, having parents who are so stressed they can pull hair, only means it can get lots worse, escalating to shoving, hitting and throwing things at. You already suffer verbal abuse but there isn't much that can be done to protect against that unless things have changed in the last 5 or so years since I left an abusive marriage.
Laying a hand on another person in any way meant to intend to hurt or punish out of anger is either a misdemeaner or felony .
The difference between a misdemeanor and a felony is based on the severity of the crime. So before it gets to that point, someone of authority needs to speak with your parents and see if they can get them in for counseling. My ex had mental illness that worsened over the years that were part of the reason he abused. Your parents may love you all but people under pressure who try to handle things themselves instead of turning to others for help, are going to botch things up.
I understand too about being the oldest and always asked to watch siblings, no matter that the next one in line was old enough to do that now. I had to bring that fact to my parents and once I did, I was released from that responsibility except for them scheduling ahead with me on occasion to be sure I didnt have any youth events I planned to attend. Of course my parents werent totally stressed out and could respond within reasonable manners. The only way your parents are going to get the help they need is for others to know and set things in motion for them to get help now. You yourself may want some counseling to get past all your frustration and anger, and it should be left up to you who, or whether you do. After years of marriage abuse, even I as an adult needed a little counseling. Didn't need much, just a different perspective, to realize I was using coping mechanisms I came up with that is common for abused people in their situation. But copings mechanisms that are more harmful rather than helpful when popping into that mode subconsciously while out in public with friends, or boyfriend, students teachers, co workers...etc. I am gonna guess that this has been going on for quite some time and just slowly getting worse. It had to get extremely bad before you noticed. Its like the story of how to cook a frog in a pot of water...you slowly turn up the heat, every so slowly that the frog easily adjusts to the hotter and hotter temperatures until eventually it goes beyond the point at which any living thing can survive, and they are boiled to death. So trust me, whats going on is not trivial. On one last thought, if you have a church priest or pastor to reach out to, do so, for they may be of help in getting some resolution to this moving. Good luck
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