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Would You Have Your Brother Arrested?
If you knew your 27 year old brother was on cocaine and heroin and you felt that having him arrested was the only way to protect his life, would you do it?
If you, your parents, and your other siblings had tried everything, and I mean EVERYTHING short of getting him arrested and it all had failed to get him off of the drugs, what would you do? What if you had enough proof that he possesses drugs for the police to make the arrest? Would you actually call the police and have your own brother cuffed and thrown in jail?
He's already been arrested twice and sent to rehab twice and of he's arrested again he could be in big, BIG trouble. He might hate you if you do it and although your parents have talked about doing it themselves, everyone else might think you're a horrible brother. Still, you love home too much to let those consequences control your decision.
He actually overdosed once and almost died. His roommate had to call an ambulance and when they got there, your brother had stopped breathing and they had to shove a tube down his throat to force air into his lungs. You had to drive you parents to the hospital because upon hearing the news, they went into some kind of episode driven by the fear that their son was either dying or dead.
In addition to the fear you feel for your brother, your parents are living in agony because they're terrified for his life and you're worried that their stress and anxiety is damaging their health. You mom can't sleep well most nights and can't sleep at all some nights. She's constantly on the verge of having a coronary because of she can't live with the terror of her son dying from a drug overdose and your dad is always stressed out too. Your siblings live in agony as well and it'd just be better for everyone if your brother got off the drugs one way or another. What would you do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
No, I wouldn't.
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My cousin has been in the same situation, but he's 19 and I feel like he's addicted but won't admit it to himself. He has been in too many car accidents because he has been under the influence by all the drugs he uses. The last accident he had almost left him paralyzed, but he so stubborn, he won't stop doing drugs and continues to use drugs even when his family continues to lecture him on his bad choices, or even when he almost died.
At this point that both our families seem to be at, all we can do is hope and pray that nothing happens to them and let them know that we will be there for them when they want to better themselves.
Make sure to also let your brother know that you love him and that you want him to take care of himself, tell him that every day, maybe then his eyes will open up.
I hope everything turns out well!
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First some of the facts about jail time. Many states and the federal government are relooking at the minimum jail times being handed down for simple possession and use of drugs. The mandatory minimum sentences handed down in the 80's and 90's are being looked at as cruel and unusual sentences therefor they are now seen as unconstitutional. Those sentenced under those guidelines may now apply for Clemency and or early parole.
What I'm saying is that the threat of going to jail may not have the impact it had just a few months ago. Also if your brother has been to jail before then he may very well know how to score drugs while incarcerated. It is unfortunate but true that in our prisons drugs and other substances are easily obtained. Sending your brother to jail to dry out may not be the answer.
What I suggest for you and your family is Al Anon to learn how to deal with a family member who is in to substance abuse. By attending Al Anon meetings, which are like AA meetings, you will learn from others, how best to deal with your brother and how to save yourselves the pain and anguish he is causing you. If you are a teenager or under 21 Alateen meetings may be more comfortable for you.
One of the first things you learn is like the old adage; "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink." The same is true with and addict. They have to want to get better before they will accept help. Generally this means they have to hit bottom before they will accept help. Everyone's bottom is different.
Al Anon and Alateen are your best choice in dealing with your brother. Putting him in jail does not mean sobriety. Even if he does get sober the chances are very high that upon release he will go right back to his old habits.
Below is the URL for the Al Anon meeting locator page. Before you do anything else go to a meeting or two and talk to the people at the meeting. They have been where you are and they can and will help you deal with your brother.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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You'd have to first be able to answer how his getting arrested again would make a difference. Was he told if he was arrested for using coccaine he'd go to jail for life, or if he's selling it, the same? If he went to jail for life, do you believe that you and the whole family would suddenly feel relief because he wasn't in any danger of dying? Maybe initially. As time goes on though, you realize he is not having a productive life, you all can't have him at family gatherings and chat with him any time you want. You'd be trading one agony for another.
This is like those families with a loved one who is being kept alive artificially in a hospital. If unplugged they will die. And Dr prognosis after so many years gone by is that nothing is going to change. The loved one may be alive but is already lost to them as far as being able to interact with normally. They are making a decision on her behalf to continue to keep her alive which forces her soul to remain attached to the body, unable to go home to heaven to rest.
Your brother's soul is forced to remain in this life longer by being put in jail for life, he won't have the opportunity to be released from this life early if that's what he wishes. Obviously his mind set has been to reject help, not want to go with the program and really make it successfully through rehab. We all have been given free will and that means to make our own decisions no matter if instead of good, they are bad, hurtful to others or hurtful to self.
It's a tough call. I kinda have an idea what its like. I have a daughter who should be on meds for mental illness but at 28 hasn't been taking now for a few years and keeps getting worse. She's cut off all contact with all family members, met a guy who is also mentally ill and not taking meds and his paranoia and stories have her convinced that all he suffered in childhood was actually what happened in her childhood and blames her parents, me as one, for things that never happened to her. She's gone off the deep end and there isn't a darned thing we can do about it as she is an adult and by law has the freedom to make decisions for herself. The only other thing would be for family to say she was endangering herself and forcing her to be locked up in a place for the mentally ill. The thing is, her path will not be a more immediate possibility of death but a slower one do to not taking care of herself, like choosing to live in quarters that are basically un inhabitable per housing codes for one. But she isn't trying to take her own life, and yet, she really has no life and plus, no family ever gets to see her anymore. She won't answer phone calls. It's just as scary.
So what do I do as her mom? I pray for her every day. If I dwell on what's going on with her, my own health will suffer. I won't let what is happening to her, take out my life too by domino effect.
I have to content my self with the fact that if I never get to see her again in this lifetime, I'll get to see her in heaven, no longer dragged down by a mentally ill mind, just perfectly healthy and whole as a soul and we'll be able to hug and love on each other. That is realistically all that I have to cling to.
You must do what you feel is best in your situation because really everyone once faced with something like that in life may act differently than they thought they would ahead of time. And others may have regrets after they make a decision on behalf of a loved one. I will not say one way is right and one is wrong...that isn't so. No matter what happens, it is an emotional experience in this world for the souls of all your family members and it may be just as much about what you are here in this life time to experience and go through as it is for your brother.
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I would hand him the note you just wrote us and tell him this is where the rest of the family are at with his addiction. Stage an intervention with the family and try to get him back into treatment.
If he won't you have to get tough as a family and let him know that if he's on hard drugs or any drugs that you don't want to be involved with him anymore.
Your family needs to tell him that if he
pardon my word choice fucks up again and lands in jail that he could be behind bars for quite a while. The problem with addiction is that you can lead an addict to help but it's on them to take it and make it work.
It hasn't worked before. He needs something more aggressive with treatment but it's on him to stick with the program and get better. You have to try.
Are you a bad brother for wanting what is best for him no matter what? No. You aren't. You're all backed up against a wall here. Would I report him to a probation officer or tell the police what he has in his possession?
That's tough but if it's life and death and your parents are considering it as a last resort than as a family make the decision together not alone.
You can imagine if you or they do so that he's not going to be happy with whomever does perhaps for the rest of his or your lives but if it saves his.. A Catch 22.
Try as a family to get him to enter rehab again and that this is his last chance and that a probation officer or those who arrested him previously would have to be contacted in order to save his life. No clear-cut answer for this.
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