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I Do Not Like My Brother And His Wife Visiting!!!!
I am seriously, seriously dreading October 15th as my older brother and his wife might be visiting. I seriously do not like this because each time they come down here, they end up using my room. I do not like this as they have a habit of going through my things and give me problems with what I own. Examples include my old action figures when I was a child which are stuffed in the closet and a Confederate Flag which I have hanging on my wall (I keep it mainly for my admiration for History). They also give me issues about something new each time they visit.
Sometimes it is something they just brought up or imagined. I say this because many years ago back when they visited in 2005, they had the nerve to accuse me of yelling at their only child when I do not recall such a thing and now I fear they might accuse me of something EVEN worse.
Lastly, I do not like being displaced because I feel a sense of inferiority considering I still live with my father. I also do not like this because I have no where to leave when my brother and his wife visit. I have tried to tell my family I do not like them using my room nor do I like them giving me problems. I want my room to be mine when they come. I am sick of being walked on by my family who does not respect how I feel when my brother and his wife come to visit.
How do I get them to listen where everyone wins and I keep what is mine?
Displaced and Frustrated.
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This is a tough question to answer. While your room is your room. The house it occupies belongs to your father and as many of us have written before it is his house his rules. If he says you need to sleep on the couch while your brother and sister in-law visit; unfortunately that is what you must do.
If I understand what you have written correctly they last visited in 2005. We are now approaching 2015, ten years have past. It is possible they have matured since then having raised their own children. It is also very true that you are older and entitled to more privacy then you were 10 years ago.
What I suggest, and I am assuming there is no other room with privacy they can use, is that you have a conversation with your dad before they arrive. You need to point out your concerns and your need for your privacy as well. This part about your need for privacy is important for as parents we tend to forget about this and similar things with older children still living at home. You could suggest to dad that your brother and sister in-law be put up in a close bye motel. If you are working you can offer to pay a portion of the cost.
There is no shame in asking relatives to stay in a motel just for sleeping especially if your home cannot offer the comfort and privacy for all concerned. It is also not unreasonable to ask then to chip in for expenses they may cost you during their visit if you cannot afford it. This would include food as well as the motel. It is also quite possible your brother might prefer a motel over your dads house but afraid to say anything for fear of offending your father.
I have been asked by relatives if I would stay at a motel as they are short on accommodations. While they have offered to pay for the motel; with one relative I have paid for I earn more than they do. In the case of one relative I prefer the motel as she tends to be a bit bossy overbearing.
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I don't know the layout of your home but I am willing to guess that your room is probably one of the only places they can go.
If it were not than I can't see them staying there otherwise. You need to ask your father to speak to them that you are upset over last time they stayed in your room.
Have him tell them that it was disrespectful to riffle through your personal belongings and make critical comments towards you about them or in general. And, he needs to develop a backbone and tell them that they treat you and everyone else in the house with respect or find a hotel.
You yourself can't come out and say that. However, you are well within your right to let them know that you're not putting up with their shit for another second if they start in. Let it roll off your back if you can as these people aren't worth it relatives or not.
You can tell your father that for those reasons and them being cruel towards you and accusatory that you would prefer them not to use your room and see what happens. Do it in a mature fashion and don't whine if he doesn't side with you due to space.
The other thing is if you think you have something in your room that they'll criticize you for find a way to move it to a file cabinet, or place you can lock it up and keep them from accessing.
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