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My family doesn't know me
I'm a 14 year old girl so obviously I'm old enough that I know a good amount of curse words (though I generally don't use them of course) and about sex and everything (I don't have sex of course) from health class. My parents think that I'm so innocent though and they try to shelter me! I learned a lot from health class, friends, and experience but they think that I don't know anything. I haven't even gotten "the talk" yet and learned to take care of my period myself. I just feel like they don't know me.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Some parents are not comfortable with the topic of sex so they push it out of their mind. The parent should be initiating the conversation about dating, how to relate to boys and the topic of sex, answering all your questions, or if no questions, just sharing the basics and giving you their rules and boundaries regarding dating, and sex. Very few parents are able to do that. I think its because parents can't get past the image of you as a baby, toddler and child growing up when you relied on them for everything. Now that you are becoming your own person and spreading your wings to explore your world, subconsciously, that doesnt compute with their memory of you as a child. My adult children are totally different entities from who they were as children. It's like a parent having to meet a totally new child, someone they haven't met before, and it's up to you to reveal yourself to your parents, ask for chats and tell them about yourself. If you want, instead of going straight to questions on sex, tell them you want to know what their ideas and rules if any, for you are concerning dating since you're now in High school. And see if they have even given that any thought. Some parents have an age requirement or no dating alone, only with other couples at first. Once on the topic of dating, it may be easier to add in the topic of sex. "By the way, since we're talking about dating, I want to know how you feel about teenagers and sex. I've gone through puberty, have my period, and don't have a boyfriend yet, but when I do, if I develop deep feelings for him, I may naturally want to have sex. Are you comfortable talking to me about that? " If mom can't talk to you about sex, then thank her and tell her you will continue to learn all you need to know from other sources.
The world keeps changing so fast that for example, mom may not be the best person to go to for alternative products for use during period. But there is one helpful site, by a 20 something young lady who is intelligent, witty and entertaining all while sharing helpful info on sex and relationships. I will share her site link so you can check it out.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Good luck dear.
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I have to agree with Razhie. The world changes so fast today, much faster then when we were your age. Forgive us if we want to keep our children young and innocent for as long as possible. That being said I realize some parents do take this a little to far thinking that by keeping things from them they are keeping them innocent. As a general rule this will come back at them in the wrong manner as the child grows older.
You seem to have a good handle on right and wrong regardless of the fact your parents are trying to keep you young and innocent. It is not that they don't know you, I'm certain that they do. They are trying to ignore the facts in front of them and so doing feel they can keep you as they wish too. This is wrong in my book though they are your parents and they must raise you as they see fit.
For your part until you are 18 and legally an adult there is not a lot you can do to change things. What I can suggest is that possibly you ask mom for some you and her time. Maybe lunch or a shopping trip at the mall. Someplace where you two can sit quietly for aa few moments and you can explain the facts of life as they are to you. How what she and your dad are attempting to do is not protecting you or keeping you innocent but quite the opposite.
I can't promise this will change anything between you and your parents. You will have least tried to advise them that the world around you is changing. One other alternative if mom does not accept what you tell her is to speak with an Aunt or Uncle who she is close to and trusts and who understands what the world is like for teenagers.
Whatever the outcome is please stay respectful to your parents for I know they have only your best interest at heart. I know you don't see that I am asking you to take this on blind faith as this is the truth for most all parents. When you turn 18 then you can do as you please and be in control of your own life.
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Do you know yourself yet?
I mean, things are changing so fast and you are learning so much each year, you have to give your family a bit of a pass on not being able to keep up. It's hard work to recognize a young person who is changing every day, every week and every month.
Becoming your own person does mean having things going on in your head that you don't necessarily share with everyone else. That is part of being an adult and a full fledged human being. But if you want your family to know you better, the only way you can do that is by talking to them and telling them what's on your mind.
Which will be hard. Because they may not be ready to let go on the idea they have of you in their own heads. But still, the only person who can challenge and evolve how they see you, is you.
You are probably right. There are lots of ways in which they know you better than you'll ever know yourself - and there are lots of ways in which they are utterly clueless. If you want them to know who you are today, you have to let them, and keep letting them as you learn and change.
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