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humorist-workshop

Mixed signals?


Question Posted Sunday September 14 2014, 11:48 pm

My ex and I dated for a year we later broke up in a very weird way and there wasn't much closure. I got over it and dated others. Long story short I get a texted a year and some months later asking me how I have been and if there was anything new going on in my life. We texted on and off for a bit and I agreed to see him, we both ended up cancelling but he texted me again later to hang out and I was busy at work. He told me to text him whenever I was free and that we would hang out and catch up. I texted him back to say that I forget and to text me next time. It's been a month and no text? I am not interested in a romantic relationship anymore but this behavior confuses me?

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Dragonflymagic answered Tuesday September 16 2014, 1:10 am:
It is your imagination that is making more of this than there is. This is someone from your past, who for what ever reason felt you are not the best partner for him but still cared about you as a person, just not romantically as boyfriend/girlfriend anymore. As a person who cares enough about you to know how you are doing since you moved on, he contacted you to meet to catch up. When it didn't work out, he tried contacting you again just to make sure you didn't think he had 2nd thoughts about keeping in touch as 'just friends'. Obviously, both your schedules are too busy and/or you both are too distracted. I wouldn't make anything of it. You don't have to carry through and chase after him by phone or on line to get together. It was just a nice thought or gesture. If it doesnt happen, at least you know his heart was in the right place. Forget about the missing meet up. If he still wants to meet sometime later and has time, he will contact you.

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ciao77 answered Monday September 15 2014, 10:37 pm:
Whatever his reason for not texting you back, there is no point in continuing to think about why. This doesn't necessarily mean that he sent you mixed signals-- that would be if he constantly ran hot and cold, giving you indications that he is interested and then backing off once you showed interest/crawling back only to disappear again, etc. Like Razhie already mentioned, sometimes people change their minds and decide not to pursue for whatever reason. He could have lost interest, got really busy/sidetracked, doesn't want to give you the impression that he wants to start a relationship, got intimidated by his own feelings for you/your history together, or any number of reasons.

Your job isn't to figure out why he hasn't contacted you. You could spend hours ruminating all the possible reasons and still not come to any solid conclusion, simply because there's no real way of knowing. You already know what you need to know: that he hasn't contacted you in a month. End of story. If he really wanted to, he would have. It wasn't a priority for him. One thing I will say is that you two have a history together, and sometimes men back off when they *think* that women will try to get back together, get emotional/attached, etc. Even though this doesn't apply to you in particular, he doesn't know that. I would advise on either letting this one go, or sending a casual text checking to see how he's doing and leave the rest to him. If you do decide to contact him, try not to get your hopes of seeing him up. Let things happen as they may and focus on your own life.

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Razhie answered Monday September 15 2014, 5:47 pm:
Sometimes what we call 'mixed signals' is really just a normal human being changing thier mind.

Whatever moment, or desire he had to speak to you - it passed. If you aren't interested in him, why worry about it? If you still really want to be his friend for some reason, then just reach out yourself.

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