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stuck in the middle
hi,
so my high school friends and i have been friends for a while now, but theres this girl in our group of friends that always tends to start drama. this girl that usually starts drama is one of my good friends, and we were pretty close for a time,but then as graduation started coming closer my group of friends and i started to distance from her because we felt that things were always one sided, she was always with her boyfriend and we felt that she didn't want to be friends with us anymore. After graduation , we pretty much cut ties from her during the summer. But one day during the summer, we went to the mall, and we saw her and her boyfriend there and it was kind of awkward, cause she saw us, and in a way i guess she felt betrayed. We exchanged small talk and that was it. Then yesterday night, the group and i went out for sushi and went to my friends house later to watch a movie. We were all talking about her and how it was so weird that she doesn't seem to care about us anymore. and we all decided that i should text her and see if she answers. She didn't answer until the next day, but when she did answer i asked her if she was mad at me. and she said that she was and that she shouldn't have deserved this. She told me to try and be in her shoes, and how would i have felt if i saw her hanging out with the group of friends at the mall, but no one invited me. And i apologized to her and said that i wouldn't have felt too great if that happened to me too. While i was texting to drama girl, i texted one of my friend Sarah the conversation, and she told me that i should just tell her that being friends needs to be two sided, but in this case we felt that it was being one sided and we didn't know she wanted to be friends anymore cause she never kept contact, and that if she wanted to hang out she should've texted us. And i told her that. And then she started telling me her side of the story and said how she always felt Sarah stole our close friendship from us because she felt jealous and then as soon as we stopped being close me and Sarah started to be close, how no one really hung out with her at grad, and how she's felt Sarah is always hyporcritical, how she feels like I'm always following orders and wishes from them, instead of being friends with her. and how when she wasn't invited to the one of the girls birthday party and she had to find out from others. And i guess instead of defending my friends, i just said that i am sorry if you felt hurt, and that i miss us being friends,and that if you still want to be friends with the others then you should address them, if it is your choice and i don't want to be caught in between.i still want to be friends with you all, and if that means that we have to have our friendship separate then I'm fine with that. and so she agreed. and now we're good now.
And so i told my friend Sarah that her and i are good now, and that i told drama girl that if she wants to be friends with the rest, then she should address them cause i don't want to be caught in between. But she didn't she didn't answer, but i know she read it. and so i texted her again , and she was like"chill I'm busy right now"
i felt like it was a slap in the face.
I don't know, like in this friendship, I'm always the one to hear both negative sides of the story, one from the group, and then one from the drama friend. I always feel that I'm stuck in between.And while i understand both parties, i really don't want to get involved. and i just want to be friends with all of them.
I feel like I've offended Sarah now... and i'm afraid that i'm gonna lose the group because of it. I'm starting to question if i did the right thing , to just forgive and forget drama girl, and be friends with all of them .....
is this even worth it, cause honestly i feel like i'm in elementary picking sides.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
If you enjoy the company of the drama girl you don't need to answer to anyone else about who you are friends with. Make time for your friends separately and if someone doesn't want to be your friend because you're friends with someone else they aren't much of a friend. Friends are seasonal. As you get older you will see this more and more. People you were once incredibly close with may one-day be a distant memory and there is nothing wrong with this. We all change develop new hobbies and interests that will lead new people into your life and others away. Don't feel guilty and just do what makes you happy as long as you aren't hurting yourself or others. There is something special about drama girl that the others are missing and perhaps it's pure jealousy over your time. It's unfortunate but friendships can be full of jealousy and drama like relationships with boyfriends. Just stop worrying about others and focus on your own happiness.
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If drama was what made all of the people reject and no longer associate with her, then why go seeking after it by texting her. I am thinking that perhaps that is something your soul has to learn by going through the experience of being with a drama person. I can't say what it is.
Another thing, for anything having to do with talking to someone, use actual phoning and chat instead of text. Text should be used only when you don't require an immediate answer, such as a non emergency. Its good to use when a person is at work and you dont know when their free time is to call, breaks, lunch. And you're asking them is they want to drive straight after work to meet you somewhere...an answer that is okay to get a couple hours later.
It's okay to forgive people. But when a person who is not good for you, detrimental to you in some way, it's best to not begin reassociating with them after forgiveness. Here's a clearer example.
Lets say you had a boyfriend who physically beat you. Thats obviously wrong. He doesnt care. You can't tell him you are forgiving him, but you can in your heart forgive him. But now that you've forgiven him, does it make any sense to get back to gether with him so he can continue to beat up on you? Only you can know if this drama girl, robs you of your peace, sets your nerves on edge, treats you poorly etc... If there is no great reason for becoming friends with her, then don't let a misplaced guilt put you back with her.
If your group is asking you to pick her or only them to spend time with, that is unreasonable. If they are asking that you not invite drama girl to any event where you are hanging out with them, that is fine. They may have decided it is healthier for them to not be friends with her anymore. If you want to have separate times you spend with just the group or just drama girl, thats fine. If the friends aren't okay with it, they are a bit immature about it. You may end up walking away from drama girl and the group and searching out more mature friends. It's all up to you.
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