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Has Anyone Ever Been Here? Has Anyone Else Experienced This?
I am a 23 year old female and I am wondering if anyone has ever felt this way, or even what I can do in the situation that I am going through.
Since October of 2013 I have been unable to hold down a job. I hold a strong value on being successful, and this is an area where I am experiencing a great deal of turmoil.
As much as I love my boyfriend knowing that he is being told that he has done so well on his internships makes me kind of jealous. It is not that I do not want him to do well, but I am so used to being the successful one in the relationship. This time the tables have turned.
Over the summer I worked two jobs and they both let me go. Before offering me the first job, the officer manager had explained to me that she did not know how long it would last. Sure enough, it only lasted me two days even though I was doing such a fabulous job and they told me that they would put my resume on hold. Ironically when I saw a job advertised in the paper by another company located in the same office, I was not even considered for the position.
I was terminated from my last job last week after three weeks of working there. The week before my supervisor had said that the team leader said that I was doing a good job, but that she (my supervisor) sensed tension between me and one of her other employees which I assured her of that there wasn't.
A week later I was fired, because I wasn't a good fit for the position apparently. Although when I asked the HR manager exactly what I had done wrong, she kept on repeating that same phrase over and over again. My analysis is that they decided that our personalities clashed too much. Another theory that I have is that they really didn't like that I had to ask to come in half an hour later than they had originally scheduled me for, and that I could no longer work there full time.
In between these two opportunities I kept on going for job interviews. Most of the hiring managers seemed to be interested in me as a candidate, and really liked me but for whatever reason they chose not to hire me.
The only thing that I am sure of is that I am a good student and that my boyfriend (maybe also his mother too, but I feel like she and his aunt both know that the two of us will get married one day), my cat, and my best friend really love me, to the point where I believe that they have too much confidence in me.
All that I want is to graduate from college, find a stable job, my own place and to marry my boyfriend. Not being able to maintain a steady job terrifies me because I am so worried about the prospect of finding a job after college. Has anyone else been in the place that I am currently in?
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I've not been to college but I've been without work. It is scary not knowing how things are going to turn out but living in fear of the worst will hold you back from pursuing anything too.
I see two issues. Your questions as to loss of job. and your competitive spirit and jealousy of boyfriend.
I am speaking of serious relationships, committed ones in dating and the life long partners: this kind of partner is not someone to be in competition with...ever! The two become one unit, like a mini team and there is a certain synergy created where the two if working together truly for the same purpose and goals can accomplish the work of 3 people. You are going to need to learn how to deal with feeling you have to be better than everyone else or you will have many failed relationships and have trouble holding on to any jobs that require team work.
As for why you were let go, companies understand the synergy of people truly working together as a team. More gets accomplished on the job, more problems solved and people enjoy the experience because there is no competition to outdo each other but collectively accomplish something that they can take pride in together.
You can say the words and even go through the motions, but most people have an ability to pick up on things unseen, like the energy waves coming off a person, It can be positive, negative, competitive, jealous, indifferent, etc... So it was something they sensed or felt. Only empaths are sometimes better at picking up on something and knowing what it actually is. Most people just sense and avoid something they don't feel totally comfortable with...like a person's 6th sense. I am sure you are a very lovely person but people dont generally like having to be in relationships or work close with a person who is choosing to remain aloof, apart from them and compete with them. There is lack of good bonding between you and others in relationship or work. I could be totally wrong dear, and sorry if so. But I am simply going by the words that you actually wrote.
There is something deeper to a need to compete and jealous if you perceive someone to do betther than you. Do you perhaps have a poor self image, perhaps struggles with feelings of being accepted and liked. There could be a whole passel of things that contribute to the fact that you feel compelled to compete. Some jobs do want the competors, the cut throat people who will step on many people and hurt, cheat, lie to get ahead. But once you do get to the top, it is a very lonely place to be and your accomplishments will pale in comparison.
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The real problem is your sense of self. In all honesty from reading your letter I see someone who has self-esteem that is in the sewer--and it shouldn't be!
What I would like you to do is to put finding a job on the back-burner for a bit. Do some work on yourself first.
You have to be able to sell yourself to yourself first before anyone else will buy into you be it employers or anybody in general. You should find yourself a professional therapist or even psychiatrist. You don't need to be crazy to see one. That's a stigma) Have them figure out your true identity and build a strong self image.
It sounds also that you could be depressed because you feel nobody "gets" you and that only your boyfriend, the cat and 2-3 others love you. If you have love for yourself and confidence in yourself so too will others.
When it comes to a job ask yourself "what am I better at than anyone else?" See if you can take that talent and find a job or career based in it. You may have had two bad starts but it's common. You want a job that fits you.
Next, if you aren't confident or going overboard to please or appear to be wrapped up in yourself people will see something is off and misread it like those who fired you.
Ask the therapist to find you a life coach or someone who can show you what it is that isn't getting you hired or worse yet is getting you fired and correct it. In fact, psychiatrists often have (from experience) have connections to employers who will take you on if you haven't found a job any other way.
Finally, it's not a job that defines you. Yes, you need to eat. It will happen. Don't push as often what you push for isn't the right gig. I know you will do well, marry etc, go to college and excel but you have to start with building yourself to be stronger. People will gravitate toward you if you believe in yourself. Right now you aren't doing that.
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