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What my freinds said hurt.
M/16
So today one of my freinds straight up said he hates gay people. Well I'm gay but I havent come out yet and I always thought so did most of our other freinds that he was bi. What he said hurt me and it dosnt make sense to me. He's not a religious person at all so he dosnt really have a religious reason. Mabey he's just trying to fit in at school. We do go to a pretty homophobic school. It just dosnt make sense to me.
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Is it possible for you to go to another school? I am asking this, because going to a homophobic school would be really difficult for someone who is gay. Are your parents accepting, can you tell them?
One thing that you cannot do is deny who you are.
I would strongly suggest cutting this friend out of your life if he is going to make such ignorant comments. Yes, I understand that at 16 fitting is a big deal, but it is very important to watch the kind of things you say.
Ask yourself is he worth having as a friend? You already seem to be doubting your friendship with him.
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teens often make a decision, a judgement or such with out thinking them through well. In judgements aspects of why they believe it to be so are not given any thought, so it is a blind judgement, right off the top of their head. As far as decisions, teens get into sticky situations with terrible consequences cus they don't think things through and never consider all possible outcomes and their consequences. It is something that comes with the territory. there are always a few mature teens, I was one of them but the majority suffer from something we pretty much all go through, having bodies that mature before our brains. the Frontal lobe of the brain doesnt finish growing until we reach mid twenties so thats about 10 years off for most of them. Anything they do before then is like using a computer with an incompleter OS or program. It aint gonna work well or at well. And so, you will find teens saying hurtful things and being generally real stupid but at your 10 yr reunion, the same kids have matured and are cognizant of their past failures and apologizing or if they dont recall them, at least they are currently behaving as very nice human being, totally different than who they were in school. I have witnessed that at my reunion. Major , major difference. Those who were snobbish towards me or ignored me were all of a sudden fun friendly people to be around.
A homophobic school could be the issue. If thats the case, find support for now in on line gay teen sites. Some sites cover all types of differences, LBGT. And don't come out to your peers until they have had more time to grow up.
You may have to decide to not hang around with such a person as friends for now if it is a constant gay bashing you're forced to hear while keeping your stance secret. It's not worth the stress to you to keep a friend. You could ask why he believes that way.
You might be able to give him a different perspective as a friend.
It happened for my daughter in high school. She was deciding to become pagan, Wiccan after our family began to change from Christian past to both us parents going that way and leaving it up to our kids to decide what they wished to follow as they were teens now. One chose Christianity, and this one choose Wicca. All her friends she'd hung out with were Christian or of some such belief with A Morman friend in the group too. She could easily still blend in and come across as Christian, even though she was now following and understanding a new path. The Morman girlfriend said something terribly judging about pagans and how we shouldn't have anything to do with them. My daughter spoke calmly and by the end of her contributing thoughts, the girl realized she was hasty to have hate for certain types of people, that they are all Gods children, no matter what they believe and we should at least be loving towards them, truly so, not just to get them to turn to your own belief, etc, etc. I remember being so proud of her. You may be able to share some differing thoughts to give him something to think about and he may come around. You dont have to reveal you are gay. If he asks if you are a homo friend or if you are gay yourself, you don't have to answer, just say, that we are all gods children no matter what we believe which means as sisters and brothers we ought to treat each other better if not at least tolerate each other. Or whatever you are led to say. You don't have to say anything. And that way, protect yourself but still have part in helping a friend possibly become more open minded and accepting. Good luck!
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I think you need to ask your friend why does he hate gay people? I feel like if he doesn't give you a good enough reason you need to think about keeping him as a friend or not
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