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why cant I feel when im sorry or feel what I want to? just sort of empty
I feel like sometimes I don't know if I feel emotion to the heart. I want to so bad. Like when I say sorry and I want to mean it but I just can't feel it for some reason. When I say I love you I'm not sure if I'm just saying it as a automated response but I don't feel anything but I do love my family and mean it. When I feel sad or guilty I feel it in my stomach sometimes but I live on. How does it feel to be sorry? I keep a diary and I write things but I think I write how I want to feel. How do I actually feel the way I want to.
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Maybe give some free advice about: What does it mean??
In a lot of cases the extent and depth to which we feel emotion is greatly affected by the environment we grow up in. Lets be straight, I am NOT saying that you have been in any way neglected or unloved and I'm sure your parents and family loved and still do love you very much. What I'm thinking is DISPLAYS of emotion. If parents are somewhat reluctant to outwardly show emotion (however deeply they feel it) then it can affect they way we mature. The tendency is NOT to develop into a strongly emotional person who deliberately masks or hides their feelings. Rather, because our childhood is such a formative time which determines many of our adult character traits, ther is somewhat more tendency for the child BE and FEEL less in touch with their emotions as they mature. Is this anywhere like the truth? Are your parents flamboyant and enthusiastic in their shows of emotion, or do they tend to be a little reserved and cool in their outward response? Whatever, I do know you feel a little remote and distanced from your emotions (you've told me!). Can we do anything to put you in closer touch? Can we 'un-learn' something we picked-up? We might start by using that "true feeling and outward display" idea, but the other way round. Think about other peoples displays of emotion. Do they hug, laugh hysterically, scream or shriek a bit? Talk loudly and praise each other, describe how they feel themselves in lavish, colourful terms? OK...next and every time it's appropriate for you....RUN WITH IT! Try going through the motions even though you are 'not really feeling it' and certainly not that passionatley. Do not think about it, do it anyway. I think you can see where I'm going? At first you'll probably feel like a big fat fraud! Then bit by bit, by copying and by continual repetition you might well re-invent yourself into a more emotional person, more in contact with their feelings. And you won't have to 'fake it' as much, or at all. Of course, we do not all gush sentiment and emotion like a running tap, we don't all tell anyone and everyone we love them and hug them. What we'd like is to get you to the point where YOU feel happy about how you 'feel about your feelings' (as we might say) and experience them on a level you are satisfied with and feel comfortable with. Why not give the idea a try? Break that "I can't feel" mindset. This will make you (metaphorically) reluctant to join the party even when you can see the other guests are having fun. You CAN feel, and I can prove it. If you truly could not feel, you would not care about not caring (you with me?) and would never have written your note. Best wishes. X
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For 20 years of my life, I've felt exactly how you're describing it. Empty. That the more i grew up, or indulged in friendships or relationship, people somehow started to notice, the very close ones to me, they would say 'You don't know love, you don't even know how to love someone,'
And it always upset me, cause I felt like alot of people meant so much to me, and I would do alot for them to show them how much I cared, so it would hurt me that this is how they perceived my feelings, but after time, i found out that they were right, it was like I was cold from inside, I would have someone who I would die for, but at the same time, when I tell this person I love him or her, it's like I don't really feel it.
On the 21st year of my life, I'm 21 years now going on 22, I finally feel something, and its like a rush of emotions suddenly came over me, like everything I ever wanted to feel I could feel it now. And I'm not sure if this is the reason, but it's because I've finally found my place in this world, I've finally found my reason to wake up everyday and love what I go through in my day. I finally found the love of my life that I've always dreamt of, met him, married him, living with him, waking up to him every day.
I also always loved my family, although they never believed it when I said it, but alot of problems happened in my family, mostly because they never really understood me, so one day I travelled across the world from where I lived, to a whole different place, and met that person I love and changed my entire life 180 degrees, and I found my place.
I'm not telling you to give up the life you have. I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying that, look at your life and see what is missing, how can you fill it. Maybe you need your family to be more understanding to you, maybe you need the right friend, maybe you need to really fall head over heels in love with someone who would cherish you, maybe it's your education, something new you want to do or study or get involved in, in your life. Think if you are where you want to be, where you always wanted to be in life, or not? And if you're not, how do you reach this place? And start working towards it.
If I've learnt anything, is that life is too short to feel nothing...you can wake up everyday and see something new, experience something new, and feeling it, all those emotions, is just priceless. You can't put a price tag on that.
So what's missing in your life?
Feel free to inbox me if you need to talk more about this.
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