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Should I forgive her?
So this is a question I asked a few weeks ago but I have to add more to the story to get some more advice: So about two days ago my friend Olivia asked me to prank text her friend Brandon. She sent me the prank message and I sent it to him. I got in trouble, she got in trouble, we apologized to Brandon. It was stupid on my end and I shouldn't have done it and I feel bad. Olivia got her phone taken away because of it but before her mom took her phone she posted a screenshot of the message on Instagram with this caption: getting my phone taken away for six weeks because me and Laura (I'm Laura by the way) decided to prank a guy who scares too easily... Idiot...." Why would she post that?! I'm so mad because now the entire school knows what we did. I feel so sad and embarrassed about it too because we really scared the boy we texted. She doesn't care though because according to her mother this isn't the first time she's persuaded a friend to do something like this. I can't text/call her about it because she doesn't have her phone. Can't go to her house either, I don't know where she lives. How do I get her to take the post down???? I'm a good girl, I usually don't do things like this and I've only gone to this school for about a months I this is sort of people's first impression of me so now anyone who saw the post will think I'm an asshole! What do I do? And after this is all over should I stop talking to Olivia???
Ok that's the question that I asked a few weeks ago. I've decided to give her a second chance, but not to let us become close friends again because she has a track record of doing bad things. I did this because it's a small school and a small town, it would be hard for me to ignore her. We're talking again because she got her phone back and do far she hasn't mentioned the incident. Eventually I worked up the courage to get her to take the post down. She did it happily with no complaint. She invited me to go to a One Direction concert with her, my mother and I agreed that I shouldn't go. I figure she was trying to make up for what happened but trust can't be bought with concert tickets, you know? Do you think she's genuinely sorry? Am I making the right choice by being her friend again?
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I remember your previous message. Thanks for the update. So it sounds like you are giving this much thought and trying to make mature decisions about this situation...so kudos to you!
I have always believed in 2nd chances. I also have a certain way of seeing the subject of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is something that you do for two people, for yourself and for the person who wronged you.
What happens internally in our bodies when we choose to not forgive, hold a grudge, become hateful or even to the point of wanting revenge, or just feeling bitter, is that all those negative energies held inside ourselves and constantly nurtured to continue growing and living in you...well...plainly put, it takes energy to keep those negative feelings going, energy that is being taken away from other parts of the vital functioning of your body. Think about this, it takes more muscles to hold a frown than it does to smile. When your body doesnt have what it needs to function at optimum levels, you begin to have physical or even emotional issues. Stress from other area's of life will have the same effect. You won't notice an immediate problem but over time the body will begin to deteriorate in some area.
When we forgive a person for their sake, some are wanting to hear they are forgiven and are genuinely sorry. Others show no inklings that they want forgiveness or need it or that they've done anything needing forgiveness. But whether a person knows you forgave them or not is not important, its more important for you that you did.
Being you are in a small school/small town, I think it a wise decision to at least be on speaking terms but to not choose to spend any length of time pursuiing any events or just hanging together considering her track record. This does not need to mean you never associate with her ever as a friend again. Don't burn bridges. It may not be within the year that she grows up and realizes she has been on a bad path and makes a change in his life. Being its a small town, if she has a true change of heart and character, you won't be the only person in town to notice it is genuine. It would be SOOO obvious, a total transformation of who she is....no guesses about it. If that were to happen and you wish to get back together as friends, there is no reason not to.
She is no longer a friend in status just because you acknowledge her and speak to her if you come across her but you no longer seek her out. She has fallen to a 'social acquaintance'....and as such doesn't deserve to receive that same kind of rewards that a true friendship brings, like spending of time together and going to concerts.
So don't worry at all dear. You are making good decisions and MOm is right for you not to attend with her. If for some reason you have been dying to go to this concert yourself before she asked, see if you can go with Mom or an older sis, or cousin, some family that understands the situation and can help keep you strong and on goal in case she approaches you at the concert so you won;t have a moment of weakness and go to hang with her. Not that I think you would, but she's less likely to try to invite you somewhere after the concert if you have this setup.
Good luck in life and blessings to you.
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