|
What to do in a relationship break?
So my girlfriend lost feelings for me, but still loves me so much, she tells me shes trying to get her feelings back, but for now, it hurts her when she knows shes hurting me.
Like, she feels really bad when I be nice to her and tell her I still love her despite her losing her feelings. I do admit, I spoiled her with love. We both want to fix our relationship. So we decided to take a 2 week break, so her feelings might come back when she experiences life without me. But we dont know what to do during a break...like do we still text or call? (Its a long distance relationship, 4 months in) what do we have to do during the break?
(Do's and don'ts will we helpful)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
DO:
- Text or call if you want to, but keep it to a minimum. The whole point is to make her miss you.
- Take this as an opportunity to re-discover yourself as an individual. Spend time doing the things that you love.
- See friends that you have not seen in awhile.
- Think about the relationship. Think about what you want and need from the relationship.
- Contact her three days late. If the break is supposed to end on a Friday, call her on Monday. This will really throw her off and might make her re-think her attitude.
DON'T:
- Take this as an opportunity to see other people. Even though this is technically not against the rules during a break, it is a bad idea. If you do get back together your girlfriend will be upset that you ever got with someone else.
]
Honestly, when I was young, I said the kinds if things she said when I cared about a friend, knew I had a good catch, but the attraction just wasn't there. Don't try to contact her, but don't let her keep you on the hook, either. "A break" without any clearly-defined goal isn't usually super useful. Being apart to stop drinking, organize your hoarding problem, climb a mountain, get some peace, focus on school, something with a personal goal attached I understand, but, more likely, you're way more into it than she is, and she likes the attention and spoiling, but she wants to see if something else, maybe something local, will work out, and if it doesn't, she'll want your attention on standby.
I could be wrong, but either way, she holds all the cards in your relationship. I'm not advocating power plays or pick-up artist nonsense, I'm just saying don't beg, step back and wait for her or someone else to be as interested as you are, and to show you the respect and affection you really want in a partner.
]
Hey!
So first off I'd be really happy that you have an honest girlfriend and are in a relationship where you can honestly communicate your feelings to one another.
During the break:
DO apply the no contact rule. This means N-O contact. No texting, Facebook messaging, phoning or whatever. Ever heard the saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' Well its true-so long as zero contact means zero contact. Never break this rule-well if you want to save this relationship anyways.
DONT get with other girls. To be honest seeing as she did the breaking up thing-its unlikely this will happen.
DONT be a pushover. If she gets with other guys during this 'break' then you really have to question yourself if she's just using you.
DONT beat yourself up. its easy for you to want to change yourself to become 'better' in her eyes. Sure, ask her before the break up period if theres anything she wants you to change. But during the break up period spend time with friends-keep enjoying life.
DONT put a time limit on a 'break'. Two weeks-especially as its a long distance relationship anyway-is simply not enough time. Just be more general and say 'a few weeks/a few months'.
She sounds like a caring girl who doesn't want to upset you at all but feels unhappy all the same. It was quite brave of her to choose to break up.
I think the best thing you can do is to rebuild your life without her in it. Four months isn't like 4 years-so this should be easier.
I know it sounds harsh but try to forget she existed. no contact or anything. You'll miss her like crazy but please remember that there is a chance she may not want to continue this relationship at all.
I know its easy to feel bitter towards her, but the best thing you can do (and this worked for me) is to deploy the NO CONTACT policy.
She's bound to get curious and wonder about you. If she texts you breaking the no contact rule herself. Simply inform her if you're still on a break.
So-No contact, carry on having fun without her, act like the break ups not really affected you (so its not like your dependent on her to be happy) and she'll most like come back to you.
]
More Questions: |