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Breaking up advice
Hey. I have a problem that I really need help with. So I got out of a relationship with a guy a couple months ago and I was really heartbroken about it, then a couple weeks ago a friend of mine said that he liked me and asked me to be his girlfriend. Me being the idiot I am, said yes. I thought I liked him and it would help me get through the breakup with the other guy, but now I realize that I really don't like him. Also, I won't see him at all in person so I need to break up with him over text. Please help me. What do I do. Helpppp
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I guess you picked up with the new guy 'on the rebound' to use an over-used cliche. Well you're not the first and won't be the last. Personally I would try to tell him on the phone, speaking. A text saying (in effect, however tactfully you phrase it) that it's all over seems a bit cold to me. But I'm maybe of a generation where it bothers me more than younger guys...perhaps texting is acceptable...but I still think it's cold! An acceptable approach may be that you just don't feel you want any sort of relationship right now, you want to be free to concentrate on what you want, without distractions or any stress? Needless to say "I just don't like you" is unlikely to please. OK, it is direct, honest and to the point. But remember that sometimes being 'straight talking' is actually a selfish thing rather than a quality. And a little white-lie can be much kinder, especially under these circumstances. Continuing a relationship based on an untrue premise is of course not defendable...but using one to end one more gently shows compassion and empathy and understanding if you handle it right.
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ik this sounds really dumb but maybe he just wanted u back because he was desprate just do what ur heart says
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I want to get straight what you are actually saying when you say " I thought I liked him " and "but now I realize that I really don't like him."
You said he is a friend of yours. You really kinda have to "like" a person if they are going to be your friend. For example, your girlfriends are your friends because you like them right?
So I can only assume you did not mean the word like, but that you meant that special chemistry, ie romantic attraction is missing.
It may truly be missing, or it may be there but because you have been friends for so long, he's got stuck in the friendship rut and its always hard for a girl to see a male friend as someone she could develop strong feelings for. Sometimes you can if he is given a chance. Other times it doesnt work. A few kisses can tell. Either it will feel like you are kissing a brother or a sweetheart. Some people feel flames of love and passion right at the start, which could totally take the stage and not allow for time to develop a friendship. Some relationships start out as best friends and a coal is ignited and slowly burns stronger and finally becomes a wild flame for the other. Both in the end are just as strong and real, just start differently. The reason I tell you this is just in case there might be something more there.
All successful relationships have both, the close friendship and the romance parts.
If you hardly ever see him in person, I wonder how it is he even asked you to be his girlfriend. If he lives far away, no matter how great a guy, a relationship like that cant grow cus of little time spent together in person. An on line relationship is lacking in so many things that it is for most parts occuring in the theater of the mind/your imagining it. So in case he lives too far away, even if it was a different guy, I'd still say, wait for someone who lives close whom you can interact with on a more regular basis.
One thing I think you may be realizing is that it isn't a good idea to use someone to help you forget another person, especially a friend. Since this friend asked you to be a girlfriend, he wasnt trying to help you take your mind off the other, he actually was making his move since you were single again and he has been attracted to you as more than a friend. So to say yes so quick without thinking of his feelings is going to really hurt him.
And if he is a friend you've known and seen in person then the best way to break up is in person and be truthful that you were too hasty and not thinking of his feelings. Embarrassing having to confess like that but at least he will still have respect for you that you are at least owning up to what you did and apologizing for it. Although, if the person you want to break up with is a cyber friend and although you have met in person it is mostly all cyber, then since the majority of what you have done is on line, then if you have No chance of seeing him in person and him believing you are his girlfriend for month after month, then, perhaps you will need to write to him on line.
My opinion if your male friend, now your boyfriend, is supposed to be mostly an online boyfriend, that in my opinion is not a real relationship to begin with so i feel the way of accepting or breaking up is just not going to be able to be done the same way as face to face relationships.
If you must text him, then be honest, mention your hastiness, not thinking straight since you were still grieving loss of the first guy, and admit you took advantage of him as a friend, thinking only how it might help you and forgot to consider his feelings. Now that you have accepted, you realize it wasn't fair as you see him only as a friend and have no feelings of romance toward him. Or if you are willing to give it time to see if feelings develop but don't have any at the moment, then i Would also be honest about that. In that case you could say that you cherish his friendship so when he asked, you were willing to try being his girlfriend, that at this time, you don't feel any romantic feelings towards him but are willing to see if they develop over time.
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Dumping someone over phone, Especially texting is cowardly. Don't do that!! They deserve better treatment than that. And just say that you're sorry but you arent interested in them or pursuing the relationship any further. Just be honest and polite.
If it is because you CAN'T see them in person, make something happen. Don't just say "oh well this is my way out" and dump him over text. Find a way to see them in person.
You got in this relationship in the first place so you need to find a way to break up with them without resorig to texting.
DO THIS IN PERSON.
-Hardcore-Band-Geek
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