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4 months and still depressed
So I'm a 14 year old girl and my family and I moved from Pennsylvania to New Jersey 4 months ago. At first the transition was difficult, changing schools at end of the school year and all of that (it's summer break now) but I'm a friendly person and I make friends quite easily. So for the first moth we were here I was cutting my arms and crying at night, just straight up depressed, and then I was ok after I got control and started getting use to this place. But now I'll I want to go back to Pennsylvania. My stage of being alright was temporary. I want to start cutting again but I'm trying not to, I cry every night and I'm getting into depression. I don't know why this is coming back again and I know that I'll never be happy here in New Jersey. I don't complain though because I don't want to hurt my parents. My friends here are great and all but I just want my old ones back. My family and I move around a lot but we ended up staying in the last place for a long time, that's why I'm so broken up. My dad was making a joke out of moving to New Jersey the other day. Here's how it went:
Dad: so do you like it here yet?
Me: no
Dad: will you ever?
Me: no
Dad:well we'll move again like always. Tell me when you have sine good friends and we'll move. (Whole family laughs, but I have to hold back tears for the rest if the car ride).
I don't think he meant to make the joke sound mean, he doesn't realize how hard this is for me because like I says, I try not to complain too much. So how do I cope with all these feelings and what can I do? (And it's not like we can move back to Pennsylvania, my dad's company wants him to run a store in New Jersey).
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I can honestly say I know what you are going through. My family moved Georgia to Pennsylvania while I was still in school. It took a long time for me to adjust. I remember not wanting to get out of bed for days at a time. This is pretty normal when you are grieving for your friends and everything you left behind but I am more concerned that you are cutting. My advice is to tell mom and dad that you feel depressed because of the move and you need them to make you an appointment with a counselor. You really need a safe outlet for your feelings right now. Please don't be so hard on your dad. Sometimes guys joke to lighten up a situation. He probably thought it would make you smile! Yeah, parents can be clueless! In the meantime maybe give your old friends a call, but also try to get closer with your new ones. Remember those old friends will still be there in PA and you can always choose to go back as an adult if you want. I know it is hard(it has been over 40 years and I still get nostalgic for Georgia)but try to see it as a growing experience. All through your life there will be changes, some good,some bad but how you handle them will determine the person you become. Please get that counseling appointment. If mom and dad are not willing then please go to your school counselor instead. There is nothing to be ashamed of, they will understand what you are going through and give you a chance to vent your feelings. Sometimes that is all you need, just an understanding person willing to listen. You sound like a very mature and caring daughter to be worried about your parents' feelings before your own, I am sure they are very proud of you and love you very much. They would never want you to harm yourself in any way so please take my advice and go to a counselor, okay? Best of luck to you in the future!
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I don't think your dad was trying to be mean with the joke he told. I think he was trying to make you laugh and it came out all wrong. It is unfortunate but some dads jobs have them moving to where the work is or the alternative is the family stays in one spot and dad lives away from home for long periods of time.
Every family handles this type of work differently as does the requirements of the employers. Your parents and or dads employer have made the decision or made a requirement that the family will move when dad needs to be moved. The belief is children are more resilient and can deal with the changes easily.
Some children deal with these moves easier than others. Older children, teenager, have more trouble with moves than younger children because this is the age they start socializing in an this is when they form their social circles in school. Once these circles are formed it is hard for an outsider to break into them.
So far I've told you what you already know. Cutting is not going to make things any better. In fact parents are aware of how hard moving is on older children though they have to do what has to be done in order to provide for the family. I know somewhat of a contradiction here but keep reading.
Cutting is dangerous; you could cut in the wrong place or to deep and end up in the hospital or worse. Mom and dad will find out you are cutting eventually that I can promise you as an adult and a parent. You cut because you are hurting and depressed and you do not have to be either.
You can get help for your depression and mom and dad will learn how hurt you are by this latest move. I can't promise you they won't be angry they will be but mostly because they will be scared and they will be angry at themselves for not seeing this. Unfortunately you will be in the line of fire of the anger at first. They will calm down and they will do what needs to be done to help you. I doubt you can move back though maybe visits can be arranged. When next dads asked to move and you are even older he might ask to hold off on this move as it is too upsetting on his children to move at this time.
BY not being honest with your parents and getting yourself depressed to the point of cutting, you are hurting yourself and them. Sure from dads joke he knows you don't like to move but I don't feel he knows how deeply these moves may be hurting you.
My advice is to tell your parents about the cutting. They know cutting is a sign of depression. They will get you help for that. Be honest with them and tell them how deeply these moves hurt. What they may see is a happy young girl that doesn't like to move but makes friends easily. You need to tell them how you're really feel.
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Aww! I'm sure you can visit your old friends in holidays or something and get phone numbers, email addresses etc. For now maybe speak to your parents about how you feel and see if they could help in any way. Maybe you also could explain how that joke made you feel. Everyone feels this way, losing childhood friends but once your older and have more freedom maybe you could go back and see your old friends.
Good luck!
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