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Every time I break up with my boyfriend, he starts crying.
My boyfriend and I are 17, and we’ve been dating a little over 5 months. Before then, we were strangers. After about the first three months, we've argued almost everyday, sometimes more than once. He is very insecure, jealous, overdramatic, inconsiderate, and he is my exact opposite. Even his brother has told us that before. Our ways of thinking clash... a lot. Sometimes I feel like I'm being used. yada yada yada. We break up often, and a lot of times I don't mean it, but he'll pressure me into doing it by telling me to, or constantly asking if we're done until I break and tell him yes. I used to not mean it, but lately I've wanted it to do it for good. I've seen a completely different side of him, and it isn't good. I just can't imagine marrying him while our relationship is like it is. We are too different, and we think different. How will that work if we have kids? Well, every time I break up with him, he'll start crying and apologizing, saying he wants to kill himself (one time he actually cut his wrist in front of me) So, I give him, because he seems like he will really change, until the next day we're fighting again. I do love him, and I can't imagine not having him in my life, but I can hardly take it anymore. What can I do? The future scares me.
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This sounds like my first boyfriend. I know it's hard to imagine not having him in your life, but he's not going to let you just be friends, and perish the thought you just get guilted into staying with him in perpetuity when you know it isn't the future you want for yourself! You know this drama is not how you want to live out the rest of your life, when you could instead have a partner who is your friend and lets you be yourself.
Mandolin is right, you know it has to end sooner or later. You can do it the hard, slow way, or just get it over with before it gets worse. If he's willing to slit his wrists, it seems foreseeable he'd be willing to slash his condoms to keep you, for example. Make a clean break and be done with it. It's hard, absolutely, but dragging it out doesn't make it easier
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Keeping you in the relationship by threatening to hurt himself is either abusive (if he actually would never really do anything) or he needs serious help. Either way, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. It's something that he has within himself. Do not spend another day in this unhealthy relationship. As bad as it is for you, it's just as bad for him to be learning that he can behave this way in a relationship in order to get what he wants. What you need to do is tell him that you're breaking up for good and completely stop talking to him. Block him from social media, texting, everything. The reason why this is important is because he has the ability to talk you out of your decisions by acting pathetic. You cannot allow him to do this again. Just in case he is serious about suicide, the right thing to do would be to tell a school counselor about the entire situation before you break up with him. That way, people will be making sure that he is okay and he will receive counseling if he needs it. His irrational thoughts and ideas are not your responsibility. You are not equipped to reason with someone that has these personality issues so stop trying because while it may seem like you're being nice and helping, you could be making things much worse. So, my advice to you is to tell someone about what has been happening, break up with him for good, and stop all communication with him. You don't want to be with him in the future because besides all of this you say that you're really not that compatible. It's not good that you've continued to stay with him for 5 months, but the real crime would be staying with him for another day. It's time. Do it before you chicken out and continue to help mold him into an unbalanced person. It's not just the best thing for you to get out of this, but it's the best thing for him too. Good luck!
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It doesn't sound as though this guy is the one for you. If you want to break up with him as safely as possible, the best idea might be to take him to a public place where he cannot be violent. Maybe Starbucks or something? Tell him you want to part ways because you want to experience what it is like to be independent. If he freaks out, make it clear that you are not interested in any other men. Tell him you just want your space. Allow him to digest this information at the coffee shop. Do not go anywhere in private with him or he might get very angry. If he asks to stay friends, agree to this but explain that for the next little while you are going to need a lot of space. Then, for the next month or so, try not to see him. If you do want to spend time with him, do not spend it alone with him. Invite some other friends along. This guy needs to get the picture that you need space.
Even though you might love him, this is an unhealthy relationship and you need to set some boundaries.
Believe moi. Moi has a charm that is lethal to men.
Miss Piggy
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