|
could I be losing interest?
I am in a four year relationship. My boyfriend is 23 and I'm 21. So I've found that I don't really enjoy the sex, I suppose I don't really like the feeling. He tries to satisfy me everytime, I only seem to orgasm through stimulation. I don't want to tell my boyfriend this, that would hurt his feelings, sometimes I do wish we didn't have to do it so often, because we do, almost everytime we see each other and this is worrying as I do see a future with him. What could be causing this feeling?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
It is actually next to impossible for women to orgasm vaginally. You are completely normal! It should not hurt his feelings because it is literally not possible to achieve orgasm through intercourse unless you are doing the woman on top position. And, even then it is extremely rare for a woman to orgasm.
Your boyfriend needs to learn about the female body. Show him what feels good and what doesn't. Don't worry about hurting his feelings. It is better that he knows the truth now. That way, you might actually start enjoying sex.
Good luck my little piglet,
Miss Piggy
]
It's not at all unusual to have orgasms through clitoral stimulation only. If that's what you need every single time, that's not too much to ask, he gets penile stimulation every time because that's what works for him, and you have as much right to sexual satisfaction in an encounter as he does. And his feelings shouldn't be hurt; just because your body expresses pleasure at one kind of stimulation and not another is not in any way an indictment of his ability as a lover. You can also have him stimulate your clit during penetration, or you can do it yourself, those are all great. The important thing is to know what it is that you like. Experiment alone and get to know your body, feel all the pleasure your physical self can offer, and get to know the eroticism of your mind. What fantasies work for you--do you want him to dominate you? Do you feel attractive when you pretend you're strangers hooking up in a bar? Maybe a romance novel scenario with sexy historical costumes? Once you know what feels best, then you need to communicate what feels satisfying to you. He wants you to be satisfied, so tell him what works for you in a matter of fact way, and don't worry about it hurting his feelings. If he gets self conscious that he was "doing it wrong" reassure him that you're discovering new things about your sexuality and you want him to try them with you. Open communication is so necessary for a future in any relationship! Say what you want, it's the only way to get it.
There are other possible factors--hormonal (some birth control and other drugs lower libido), emotional (depression, history of abuse, physical (not getting enough exercise or eating well can lower the sex drive and maybe how sexy and energetic you feel), and if those might be at play, they should be addressed, because they can get in the way of your overall happiness.
The last possibility could be simply a mismatch of sex drives. No couple is going to be in synch 100% of the time, so it could be a temporary shift, but if your stable preference when feeling at your physical, emotional, and hormonal best is to have considerably less sex than he wants, that may be something to consider when evaluating the future. I've been in relationships with people who need more or less sex, and having similar speeds really makes things easier. Being similar in backgrounds and lifestyle preferences in general makes relationships easier, but sex is a special case if you're looking for a monogamous long term relationship, because the expectation is that you are only getting this need met from each other. You don't want a lifetime of begging, going through the motions, and resentment on both sides, so similar sex drives in monogamous relationships are important.
Good luck!
]
I really cannot give you a good answer to your question as there is information needed that you did not supply. Information like how long you both have been sexually active, when did you lose your virginity when did he. Why this question.
Like everything else sex is a learned art. We what we learn early is what we practice until we find that our practice is shall we say in need of upgrading. This is not a disparagement. You are 21 and have been going with him since you were 18 and he was 19. If you started having sex at that age then it probably was more of a Wham, bam thank you ma'am type of deal. You are older now and where you have sex may be more comfortable and more secure from being intruded upon or discovered then at first. Plus at 21 you are more than entitled to have a sex life. So it would not be unusual that you would want more than you got when you were 18.
If I'm close to what you're thinking the solution is fairly simple and the problem is not unique to your situation. It happens to many couples including married couples. You need to talk to each other.
Remember I said you need to talk to each other. Good communications is the key to everything in our lives including sex. How can I know what your likes and dislikes are in the bedroom if you don't tell me ore you mine. How am I to know what your fantasies may be or what sexual things you might be willing to try if you don't talk to me.
The Kama Sutra has over a thousand pages of sexual positions. There are hundreds of sexual fetishes. Nothing that happens in the privacy of your bedroom is weird or kinky if the two partners are consenting to try something. The Key word here is CONSENTING.
Back to your original question. No I don't think your losing interest. I think you may becoming bored in the bedroom with routine sex. Maybe your sex life consists of foreplay which may include oral sex and fingering, then on to the missionary and possibly doggy position. That could get old. It does for many couples.
Some couples look to bringing a third person into the bedroom others look to swinging. TO me those are the wrong answers as one partner is usually not all that consenting. The solution is talking to each other and finding different things to spice up your sex life.
Talk to each other see what turns you on. It could be anything just remember what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. If you two enjoy it and are both consenting it is not weird or kinky. Some women have rape fantasies, why I don't know. Some men like to be dominated in the bedroom. BDSM are favorite bedroom fetishes. Dress up and role-play is another.
IF you two are good for each other in every other way don't let a stale love life be a deal breaker. Don't be embarrassed to ask for what you want in the bedroom.
One last thing. If you can orgasm through masturbation it is very possible you are more clitoral in nature than vaginal. Most guys go right for the vagina in foreplay and finger a girl until they, the guy, thinks they are ready for intercourse. The guys do this because this is what they learned to do. This is what they see in porno movies and what they read in porn magazines.
Most women can be stimulated just thorough vaginal stimulation. There are some and you may be among them that need their clitoris stimulated more than their vaginal in order to climax. If you are among those women there are positions in which your clitoris is stimulates during intercourse. You also need to show your boyfriend how to stimulate your clitoris and how to find your "G" spot inside you vagina.
If you don't know where your "G" spot it should be on the roof of your vagina just below and toward the opening of your vagina. Stimulating both of these should send you up a wall.
]
More Questions: |