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Problem because of my father's identity.
This is an odd problem, I think. So I'm a 20 year old college student in Ireland. I want to be successful and to be a decent, happy human. But I have a serious mental block in pursuing these things and trying to push myself because of the man my father is. My father is lazy, stupid, ignorant, close minded and greedy. He is all of these things to quite a high degree. This becomes more and more apparent to me the older I get. I feel like I Just feel like I'm genetically predisposed to be the complete failure of a person that he is. It seems impossible to me that I could be the complete opposite of my own father. As much as I try to overcome this feeling I just can't. It stops me from pushing myself to tap into whatever potential I may have. I'm often told by close friends that I don't think nearly enough of myself and that I don't take myself seriously. I think they're probably right but I find it very difficult to think that I can't shake off my DNA. I feel like this is really holding me back. If anyone has experienced something similar and has overcome this or knows of examples of people who have or can give me any kind of constructive advice Id greatly appreciate it. Thanks in advance
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
There are several famous movie stars in our country who have had a convict for a parent! Woody Harrelson's father was a convicted hit man!It didn't stop Woody from pursuing his dream and becoming famous! Drew Barrymore, Leighton Meester, Hayden Panetiere, Kimora Lee Simmons, soccer player Hope Solo and singer Kellie Pickler. All of these now famous people had a parent who spent time in jail or prison! Heck your dad sounds pretty mild compared to all that! Even if your dad is everything you describe there must be SOME good about him too, right? So why not assume that you got all of his GOOD traits instead! At any rate whatever you choose to become is up to you! If you choose to limit yourself, then put the responsibility where it belongs! Don't use your dad for an excuse or a scapegoat! Good luck!
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Hi,
As you try to find yourself and your identity, you will learn much more as the years go by. Your dad has made a decision to be who he is for some reason you might not be aware of yet. Accept him for who he is. At least you have learned this is not what you want for yourself. Don't judge him and let it be. You have total control to keep pursuing your personal goals. Focus on your education even with this distraction. Make smart decisions and you will be better than decent and happiness just follows you. :)
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I can relate but I'm not going to share how because my identity is not secret on here. What I will say is this: First, you have to start with acceptance. You have to accept that your dad is who he is, and you have to accept that he is part of what helped to create you (the good and the bad in you). You are his and your mother's child, in spite of what you think of either one of them. Start with accepting that. Here's the next thing you have to accept: You are going to have some similarities. Whether you want to or not. Not just bad things, good things. But you are their child, so you are going to share traits that you don't even realize you share. Accept that. Now... Here's what you really need to accept: You are an individual. You have your own mind, you have your own morals, you have your own goals, etc. So you can go and live your life and be who you want to be. I'll give you a great example (and I'm paraphrasing): There was a man that said that people should give from the heart because they are good people who truly care about their society, and not give just because it makes them Look like good people who care. And a lot of people just give because it makes them Look good, but ultimately, they don't really care, and this can be detrimental to a society. Those are some wise thoughts. I agree with them. You know who said that? Adolph Hitler. Now, because I agree with that comment, does that mean I agree with all of his ideology? Not at all. And I'm ethnic, so I would have been on Hitler's hit list. hahaha. So the point is, you are your own person. And just because you may be similar in some ways to certain people (relative or not) and just because you share certain ideals and thoughts, doesn't mean you are doomed to be THEM. The only thing that can truly hold you back is you. If there's something you are doing, a trait, (not "a trait that my father has") but just a trait that you don't find appealing in Anyone (cause you father isn't the only one), then be different than that. Be better than that. Be who you want to be. And be forgiving... to your father AND to yourself. ;)
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