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Boyfriend stopped trying
My boyfriend and I are both 22 years old and have been dating for 3 years. I feel as if he "jokes around" way too much by grabbing my "lady parts" per se in public and I tell him to stop and he doesn't. I feel like the only time he tries to be romantic or nice is when he's trying to get it in with me and I can tell it isn't genuine. He stopped doing alot of the cute date things he used to do and I he gets mad when I don't give him sex. It's so frustrating. I do love him but he gets mad because we only have sex on "my terms". But it's hard to get turned on to him when I feel like a giant meatsack being grabbed all of the time. I tried talking to him but he just gets mad and says things like "I can't believe you think I only care about sex blahblah" and then turns the whole thing around. Please help.
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I've noticed it's really not uncommon for people to stop trying after awhile in a relationship.
Some think since they got the girl, they don't need to keep doing the things they used to do to win her over, but obviously, that's wrong.
I know since you've been with him for 3 years it'll be difficult to say no and back away from him, but it's probably the best thing to do.
If your friend was in your situation and asking for help, I'm sure you would tell her to either break up or have a very serious talk with him.
He'll say that he isn't all about sex, but I guess he just doesn't want to see himself that way either.
But no one should keep doing something their partner doesn't like or feel comfortable with. Once they say no, they should never do it again.
And no guy should ever get mad when they don't get sex.
He really should care about how you feel and not blow it off. Like even if he truly felt that's not how it is, then he should show you, not tell you that you're wrong, he needs to prove it.
So if he's not listening, you might want to take a break because what's happening right now isn't working.
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What strikes me first is that you have tried to talk to him about this, he knows you don't like him treating you this way and he continues it. This reminds me of how a mom set the rules and boundaries and a kid is always going to test those boundaries to see if they can get away with all sorts of crap or if mom will dish out consequences for it.
Your guy will continue to treat you this way because asking him to stop is not 'Giving him consequences'. He needs to know how serious you are. And here is where most women blow it. Whatever the guy did once to get the gal to fall in love with him, that love is what keeps they with the guy no matter how terrible he treats her.
What the guy sees is that the lady has no respect for herself, has no backbone, no self confidence or doesn't know what she wants, is in love and therefore willing to settle for less than she could have.
Threats or ultimatums are usually not made to such a guy or if made, are never kept which makes the problem continue.
As has already been said, its pretty likely that this guy doesn't love you but lusts for you.
It is good for a man to have a strong sex drive. For some its stronger than in others but that is no excuse to not have manners and treat a woman with respect as if she were a Queen, his queen.
When I was your age, I did not have a long history of dating many guys to have enough experience to make the best decisions in dating and finding a great partner. As a result I ended up married to an abusive man. Thankfully later in life, I finally woke up and left him. Now with a wonderful man who treats me like a Queen but also has the sex drive when we are in private.
It's really up to you what you will do. Draw boundaries as you have with 'having sex on your terms' and follow it up with the consequence for him continueing on without change. This consequence would have to be that you are tired of settling for less and breaking it off with him. I know, the feelings are gonna get in the way and make it hard. But if you can't do this, life will get no better for you. Can you see yourself accepting this treatment for the next 5 years? How about the next 15? or for rest of your life? Can you handle the thought of that? If not, then you have to do the hard thing now. Good luck dear.
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Hi there! This is a sticky situation. I really hate telling you this, but I don't think he really loves you for you. This is a guy who wants you for your good looks and body. I know you love him, but if you want to be hurt and get pregnant from a man like him, you have to be crazy. He does only care about sex and won't be strong enough to admit it. There are so many other guys in the world looking for someone nice and kind and don't look for sex or beauty. You need to find that guy. In my advice, you should break up with him and find a guy who loves you for who you are. And don't try for someone good looking because that's not love. That's lust. But you don't have to take my advice. This is your decision. I really hope things can work out. I'm praying for you! If you need any more advice, please ask and I will answer immediately!
~glasses
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