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my first love !
my name is Rachel and I am a 25 year old female and almost a year ago I was dating this guy named Aaron who went to my church and he was very involved in the church and all my family and friends told me that he was a good guy so I didn't have to worry about him doing anything to intentionally hurt me in any way and I also assumed that since he went to church that he was a good guy and that I could trust him but both my family , friends, and I were wrong because he did hurt me and it wasn't by accident either . lets just say after 3 months into our relationship we had sex which it was my first time having sex with anybody I was virgin until him and it was the biggest mistake of my life losing my virginity to a jerk like Aaron and I regret it because I know that I can never get it back again . I know having sex that early in a relationship was to soon and that was my mistake. After we had sex he told me that he wanted me to tell my family and friends that I cheated on him if I were to end up pregnant because he didn't want anyone one to know that he had sex outside of marriage and when I told him that I wasn't going to do that he broke up with me and will not speak to me or even look at me anymore. I don't understand why he would do to me ? I don't understand what I did to deserve the pure hell and torment that he is putting me through . It's been a year now since it's happened and I am still not over him last night was far the worst melt down I've ever had . I was getting ready for church and I knew he was going to be there because he always is and I couldn't even get dressed by myself my cousin had to help me because I was sweating and shaking so bad my dad had to help me with my hair . I am just so embarrassed that when I am writing this I feel like crying . I ended up staying home from church yester because my cousin told me I didn't need to go if it was going to upset me that badly . I couldn't sleep at all last night . I didn't go to bed until midnight and woke up at 3:30 in the morning and my cousin had to lay down with me just so I could get back to sleep . she told me if I ever needed someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on she was there and if it wasn't for her last night I couldn't have made it through it by myself .why do I still love him after what he put me through? my cousin told me it was probably because he was the guy that I lost my virginity to and I will get over him eventually but it just takes some time please help me .
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I am pretty sure that the scar in your heart hurts a lot since the first cuts are the most painful ones.He is not a man more or less because he can not take responsibility for what he had done.If ever he got you pregnant he should be responsible for it it's his fault(most of it) and friend please never let your guard down on guys especially if he is the sweet kind and handsome type.
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Oh Hon, so sorry to hear that. In a way it happened to me, as far as a Christian guy fooling my parents (who didnt go to church) and friends thought he was great too. Married at 20 and found out very soon he was verbally and emotionally abusive towards me after we got married.
Moral of the story is: Just because you find a mouse in the cookie jar, that doesn't make him a cookie. (Heard that uttered by a visiting Pastor at my church.)
What we were being told is that just because you find someone attending a church, going through the motions of church life and professing to be a Christian, that doesn't mean they are truly a believer.
Another thing I have learned in life as I am now grandmother age, is that whether Christians or other Spiritual people of other faiths, there will always be varying degree's of maturity spiritually. Some are just starting. Some are forced to go and just fake their interest to keep the heat off from relatives, some are very devout and want to improve and make innocent mistakes that hurt others, and others are very mature spiritually but still open to learning and growing and showing others the path. This is an important lesson to learn in life, not to judge a person based on their title or label but by their heart, just as God does with us. You don't have to associate with any that you don't feel capable handling. Now a days, the soonest I see a glimpse of the true character of a person and I don't like what I see, I avoid them. Best example is when I was dating, before meeting myIf it makes you feel any better 2nd husband. Many appeared nice men. Once I was usually on the 2nd date their pretence if any with me, went away because they thought they hooked me since I agreed to see them again. They showed their true self and I saw things that looked like the behavior of my ex or that they were anti spiritual or just had nothing in common with me when they originally professed to like same things as me. Lying right off the bat, or asking me to change something about myself, or putting their needs before my own needs, interests, or my feelings and emotions, would automatically get me to drop them like a hot rock.
Now that you have unfortunately experienced this, you will have learned what to do next time. Don't be gun shy and put up a barrier and never attempt to meet and date another, its a good way to get to know a persons character. I dont call it dating tho...its hanging out, whether at the parents, out with friends, etc....just make sure the setting isn't you and the guy alone without other humans nearby that you could turn to for help if such a need came up again.
I know this doesnt help with right now. Time will heal your heart and emotions.
As for first times, people make so much more a big deal of what they experience the first time than realistically its worth. If you ask any person on the street of those who remember their first time, what they thought of it, whether it was special and loving and good, the great majority who are truthful will tell you, it was not special, either for same reason as you or even if with someone who treated you well as a first love you had sex, the reality is that no one knows what they are doing to make the first time really that enjoyable. My first time with 1st husband was a flop and failure. The rest of our married life in fact, a failure. He was oppositely as different from me as could be sexually and theres no way to know if trying to remain pure and virgin until marriage. More people than not, if they find a loving person, will eventually check them out sexually to test wheether they are a match. I hope this will help you in time to come. If you need to ask any other specific questions, feel free to write to me at my column.
God bless and heal your heart.
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