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getting adjusted with in laws and husband
Since 3yrs I have been married. I am trying to getting adjusted with my mother in law and husband but not successful. Though my husband is good generally in all aspects except on tackling me and my mother in law issues. I have tried to do many adjustments and infact she also but nothing works for long. I have asked many times to my husband that better we will leave separately from inlaws, he said yes but not ready for it finally. On daily or alternate basis something happens, sometimes she gets pinched sometimes I got pinched. It is that bad now that it affects my health, my relation with my husband and with my 3.5 yr old kid. I don't know what to do it now, Iam very depressed and I have developed suicidal tendencies very badly but not in a position to do it as I am lacking that courage to take it.
Please tell what to do?
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I am going to assume from the tone of your letter that you live in a culture where this type of arrangement is somewhat normal? Here in America I would tell you to pack up your child, move out ASAP and give hubby the choice to come along or stay with Mama! However I do realize that this type of thinking does not exist in many cultures. You need to to tell your husband exactly what you have told us here. Tell him how seriously this is affecting you and make him understand that he has to do something to help you NOW! You also need to get to a doctor and explain the feelings you are having. Whatever you do please don't act on these feelings! Your child will be the one who suffers the most if you do. Do you have any family or friends you could talk to who might be willing to help you if you have to get out of there? Do not try to handle this alone! It is a downright shame your husband can't be man and stand up to his mother! What would happen if you stood up to her? As I said not knowing your culture I don't want to advise you to do something that might make your situation worse. I certainly hope you have at least one other alternative besides having to stay there! Good luck to you!
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Tell your husband that he is being selfish, and that sometimes in life we have to do things before we are ready.
Let him know you are the lady of the house, and your wishes should be respected!
Miss Piggy
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I want to first address the suicidal thoughts you are having. This is very troubling to me as these thoughts while now just that can easily change. You are depressed that is something you admit to and suicidal thoughts are part of the depression syndrome.
What I would like you to do is see a doctor about your depression and to get help for it. Speaking as someone who has suffered with depression I can tell you that when in a depressive state we do not perceive things exactly as they may be presented to us. This would definitely add to the problems you are writing about.
If you feel actively suicidal call 911 or the emergency help number for the country you live in. Tell the call taker you are feeling suicidal and let them send help to you. You can all so go to any hospital emergency room and tell them you feel suicidal and they will help you.
I don't understand the following lines you wrote; "On daily or alternate basis something happens, sometimes she gets pinched sometimes I got pinched. It is that bad now that it affects my health, my relation with my husband and with my 3.5 year old kid." Who is doing the pinching and why do they pinch you or your mother in-law? How is it affecting your health and your relationship with your child? I can't really address these issues effectively unless I know who is doing so and why. From one point of view it sounds like sexual harassment or spousal abuse. These are legal charges that can be brought most all states.
My next question is about this sentence; “better we will leave separately from in-laws." From this I assume you live with your in-laws and he is not ready to move out. If this is true and you are being abused by him or your father in-law then my advice is simple. You take your child and you and the child move someplace safe. Tell your husband if you wish to continue your marriage, that when he is ready to leave mommy and daddy he will be welcome to share your bed and home.
If you decide to follow my suggestion make sure you see a lawyer and have the proper paperwork done to insure your husband is court ordered to support you and your child. This is very important for today when court ordered his paycheck will be attached by the courts to insure you receive the funds the court decides you are entitled to for child support.
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