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My boyfriend avoids me
Hey guys, I'm 19/f and my boyfriend and I have been together for about 1 years and a half now. Our relationship is perfect except for one thing, and that is I'm not social at all. I'm more of a quiet, laid back person. My bf in quite the opposite. He loves to be social and I think he has been avoiding calling me because when we talk on the phone most of time he does all the talking and he talks for a very long time. Sometimes I interact and say a few things but I always feel like it's never good enough. He has tried to make me more social but it never works. Sometimes I think he deserved better like someone who he can talk to and get feedback and I'm not that person. What can I do?
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I hate to burst your bubble dear, but you and your boyfriend are not living anywhere NEAR Perfect!Your boyfriend is trying to change you and you feel like what you have to say is not good enough!I rarely ever advise a break up unless there is abuse but I am going to make an exception in your case! I don't like way you are putting yourself down and assuming YOU are the one who is wrong because you not outgoing. You actually go as far as to say he deserves better than you. Who's better than you? Someone outgoing and talkative? No, different maybe but not better! You are just a quiet type but there is nothing WRONG with you. He shouldn't try to change you or make you feel bad about who you are. Unless you want to live the rest of your life feeling inadequate and unappreciated you should get out of this relationship, before you get damaged any further. I am sure there is a great guy out there who will love your quiet thoughtful nature and he won't want to change a thing about you! I guess your question was what can you do? Tell your boyfriend you're sorry but your personalities are just not compatible and then move on. If this isn't the advice you want to hear then you can try to change into the fluttering little social butterfly he wants you to be but I think you'll be miserable! Good luck!
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Has something changed in your relationship? You say he avoids you and in your message that you merely think he has been avoiding calling. What any person thinks and imagines is not necessarily the truth. I can't say if you have good reason to suspect this, perhaps something you failed to share with us because what you have shared about how he treats you doesn't send up any warning signals.
If he is actually not calling at all now or calling less, he could be busy. Something may have come up that required all his attention. Maybe he is doing something for his parents or there was a death in the family so his focus is off. It could be just about anything that can disrupt the pattern he has had with contacting you. That does not mean he is avoiding you. If he is distracted by other family or work related issues right now, the fact that you don't know that, has your imagination trying to come up with a plausible reason for why he isn't calling or isn't calling as much if thats really happening. So you try to come up with what seems logical to you as a reason, and you of course would think of your differences. You could be right but theres a chance you could be wrong. Your sentence is a bit misleading and we could all be interpreting it wrong. While you say:
I think he has been avoiding calling me (That makes us think he has not called at all for some period of time) because when we talk (talking currently on phone calls or talking about calls in the past before he stopped calling if he did stop calling) on the phone most of time he does all the talking and he talks for a very long time.(Just because he talks that much does not mean he wants to be around someone just like him. If he grew up in a family who were all chatterboxes like him, he may find you to be refreshing. ) When you said " He has tried to make me more social but it never works", I sensed I had to say something. Nobody can make another person change their behavior. If a person wants to change, then that urge and want must come from within a person, not from someone trying to encourage and help them change. This may not be something that needs changing. You need to be happy with yourself. There are many quiet, non talkative people who are quite normal and will speak to a person at least when absolutely necessary. Now if you know you've been struggling with shyness or have social fears and wish it were otherwise and want to change, then you would need to ask us those questions. If you've asked him for help, then you can't blame him for trying, he's doing so cus he loves you.
If you haven't asked for help and are happy as you are and the actual issue is your feeling uncomfortable with him trying to "fix" you or "change" you, then that is the problem. He needs to respect you for who you are and you need to make that clearly known. I am just guessing on all of this dear. It's hard to really know what your situation is cus all we have to go on is trying to interpret the sentences you wrote and the actual wording you put in them.
Just because he tried to help you be more social doesnt mean he is not happy with you as you are. I dont know what he's been doing. Maybe there is a chance he misunderstood that you don't like being so quiet and private and all he was doing is trying to help. The two of you may need to have a good heart to heart talk next time he calls. Or you could try leaving him a message to call you. Good luck dear. If there's anything else I can help answer, let me know or if you have more to add to your explanation.
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Lets see; you two have been together for a year and a half. He calls you on the phone and does all the talking and you do the listening. You think he would prefer someone more social more talkative?
Why, you have been together a year and a half, and as you say the relationship is perfect. Why suddenly are you questioning this? If he wanted something, someone different do you think he would still be calling you or continue this relationship with you.
Remember opposites do attract and this makes for great relationships. Also if something isn't broken don't try to fix it. Yes it is okay to have some insecurities from time to time especially at your young age. Based on what you have written I see no reason to question this relationship. If he wanted something more from your relationship he would either say something or find someone else.
Since it appears from what you have written he is neither asking anything of you and you are not aware he is looking for someone else. My suggestion is to relax and enjoy your relationship with him.
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