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He wants to break up when he moves, and I don't.
A few months ago, I began seeing this really great guy. We attend the same university, but I am a sophomore and he is a senior. He is graduating next month, and after that, he plans on moving to a city six hours away from where we go to school.
We go out on dates and are physically intimate, but he told me straight up that once he moves, we are to be just friends. He doesn't do long-distance relationships.
He plans on visiting the university when he moves, but he told me that we would be strictly platonic, nothing physical.
He doesn't understand how much this upsets me. I have tried so hard to keep from having feelings for him, but he's the kind of guy I'd want to be with, and I fear that I will never meet anyone like him ever again. I don't think he has any real feelings for me, seeing as he essentially placed an expiration date on our relationship.
It pains me to admit this, but I don't think I can convince him to carry on the "relationship" when he moves. So how can I keep myself from going crazy for the next month or so? I enjoy being with him, but I always end up nearly crying because I keep thinking about how awful it's going to be when he leaves.
Thank you for any advice :)
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Please, do not torture or embarrass yourself by allowing this relationship to continue for another month! Please, please, do not try to CONVINCE him of anything! You will NOT go crazy, I promise, because everything you have written about him so far proves that you are ALREADY crazy(I mean this in the kindest sense possible!)It is only by walking away from this now that you can restore your sanity!I do give him credit for being brutally honest about where you stand(that would be nowhere)so he really didn't do anything to you that you didn't allow or encourage. You are dead wrong however when you say he doesn't understand how this upsets you, he most certainly does, but he still wants sex right up until the day he leaves! You are wasting every good thing you have to offer on this person and he cares no more for you than a fly on the wall! Your greatest fear should be that you WILL meet someone like him again! Really,you need to dump this jerk yesterday!
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Can you keep yourself from going crazy when you know this has a clear expiry date?
Some people can do that, but maybe you can't. Maybe the cost of being with him now (the sadness of knowing it's going to end) isn't a price you are able to pay.
You need to seriously ask yourself if it's worth mourning the relationship now, or if you are able to enjoy for a few more weeks and mourn it then. There is no right or wrong answer here, you just have to take an honest look at yourself and decide what is best for you. If you really can't enjoy yourself, and end up crying and miserable each time you are together, that might be something worth continuing for the next few weeks.
You are right: It doesn't sound like he has any intention at all of continuing your relationship when he moves. That doesn't necessarily mean he has no feelings at all for you, but he doesn't have the kind of feelings that you are looking for. He's been pretty clear about this, and you should respect what he says.
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That's a difficult situation to be in.
Like the other adviser said, it sounds like he already has his life planned out.
I'd just stop being physical with him and stop "dating" him. It'll just end up bringing more pain and I guess he's not looking at you as something serious so you might as well cut this short rather than him do it.
You'll meet a guy who'll be better. Mostly because he'll actually want something real with you. You want someone who wants you. But just look at the qualities you like in this guy, I'm sure if you pay attention, you'll meet other guys with the same qualities. Just keep your eye out.
You can tell him how you feel, but I doubt it'd make a difference. So if I were you, I'd end it now.
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It sounds like he has his life planned out already. Thats good for him I guess, not so good for you.
Long distance relationships don't often work out.
A couple needs to be together for things to work. I doubt you will get him to continue the relationship after he moves. He probably should have been smart enough not to get into a relationship knowing he would be leaving.
You do need to tell him how you are feeling. Cry if you want to. Who knows, there is a small chance it could make a difference. I would not continue the relationship though unless he decided to stick around & be available.
The truth of it is you WILL find someone after he leaves. He will be even better. But first you have to go through all the pain of this guy leaving. You will get over it though. Grieve for a little while & then brush yourself off & get back out there. It will be awful. I'm sorry there isn't any good advice for this one.
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