|
not sure if I'm a lesbian
Okay so, My best friends name is Lindsey and she is a lesbian who recently came out. Sometimes we cuddle and we made out once. I used to be 100% sure I was straight but now I don't know. Lindsey just makes me feel really special and I want to hold her in my arms all the time. I don't know if I just like her as my best friend or more than that. And even if I do like her more than that I wouldn't want to tell anyone because I'm scared that people will think I'm a complete lesbian and then they won't like me. People as in boys. I just need help, like how do you know if your gay or not? Oh I'm 15 and a female by the way.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Relax you are not a lesbian far from it. You just don't wake up one morning and decide you're gay or lesbian. This is decided for you at the time of conception and you would have had feelings of this long before puberty kicked and at your current age.
Now it is possible as you discover your sexuality that you will become bisexual. Meaning you will enjoy sexual encounters with both sexes. This is a learned concept and not something instilled in your DNA.
Right now I would say you are bi-curious. A little more comfortable with someone of your own sex and more willing to experiment sexually with her than with a boy, this is normal. You may even find that from now through college it is safer and easier to get sexual relief from a girl than to run the risk of pregnancy and possibly ruin your future goals. You will still date boys but for sexual relief you will always have a girlfriend.
In college many girls find sexual relief with a roommate or girlfriend and they are far from being lesbians. They do so for girls far outnumber boys on many campuses, it is also safer to have sex with your own sex and it is easier to find. I know several girls from college who one would have sworn they were lesbians. Today they are married, have children and people look at them and their husband and referee to them as Mr. & Mrs. White Bread.
Also labels mean nothing though at your age to label yourself can cause you a great deal of harm with kids in school. Any label that is different than theirs will cause rejection, bullying and even possible harm to you. You don't need to label yourself especially because you have no need to label yourself. As I said in the opening sentence you are not a lesbian. Bi-curious maybe and if so that does not need to be a label you place on yourself.
]
You don't have to define or label what you are experiencing, especially as you are starting down the path of discovering sexuality. You don't have to be sure about anything...thats what is so cool about the concept of dating. Whether you decide to date your girl friend or a guy,our there is dating and hanging out for figuring out what you like and are attracted to in a person personality wise and it can work for sexual preferences too. Young people are often afraid of what their peers will think of them when it doesnt matter in the long run. People your age are not going to understand much about sex yet, it will come over the years through life experience. Just enjoy what you have for now. And for anyone who asks or is making assumptions, you don't owe them any explanation unless you want to or if they are close friends of yours. No matter what sexual orientation a person is, they can have friends of both sexes. Guys can be quite understanding if a girl is bi curious and experimenting or bi or gay. If she is open to going both ways, guys have no problem with a gal having another gal or several gals as lovers. Its other men they have a problem with. I have known many bi married women who for the most part did not like men at all until they met just the one they wanted to marry and have kids with. However these women were very attracted sexually to other women. My neighbor was bi and she took me to a club were people of alternative lifestyles met. I was not married to my husband at the time. I have even out of curiousity given it a try twice. I can go through the motions with a bi woman, even have the satisfaction of pleasing her but when it came down to being sexually attracted to and wanting that for myself...nope, it just wasnt there. You can love another female deeply, enjoy being intimate and close, even cuddling nude...I have no problem with that, its that I am sexually attracted to men, not women. It takes time to figure this out. I wasn't confused or wondering. I knew I was straight but wanted to experience this for the educational experience, to learn more about the types of people living this kind of lifestyle. The majority of married men going with their bi wives to the club were there to support her, not find another woman to fall for and eventually have sex with. If you are curious, try whatever appeals to you or raises your curiousity. Now is a good time to do it.
I don't know why you think people won't like a lesbian. I was at a friends potluck, a group of spiritual people I had beliefs in common with and a friend of theirs, a single female was there. I am naturally friendly and spoke to her. She assumed my speaking to her meant I was interested in her sexually. She told me she was a lesbian and I said I was straight. She said, Oh I am sorry, I won't bother you. I said, you weren't bothering me, we were just talking as new friends. She asked if I felt uncomfortable continueing conversation with her if she reveals she is attracted to me, I said no. Thanks for the compliment. Told her she was a pretty female too but I just dont get sexually attracted to females. I think two people can keep their heads on straight and not overreact in such situations, also guys discovering your exploration with girls. the only problem is that some teens havent matured mentally as quickly as others and may tease or avoid you. They aren't worth your time due to their immaturity even if just as friends. Don't worry ahead of time about things that may never become issues. good luck in life.
]
its not that your a lesbian it could be curiosity or you could be bi. no one could tell you what you are sweetheart they could only give u advice and my advice to you is to do what you feel is right your experimenting now because your young and being inside the closet is not a problem because your not sure if this is really what you want. so you could tell your friend you like her or you could continue to experiment until your sure you want to be more than just friends and if she really likes you and a good friend she will give you the time to come out about being bi or a lesbian just like she had her time and no matter what people say they dont matter its you and your life what you like to do they dont have to be in it. just make sure your not doing this because someone else do it for yourself...
good look ;)
]
More Questions: |