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I cannot understand my boyfriend
Hi! I am from India 22/f. I have a bf.we are together since 2010. He is much older than me. He is sweet. But i cannot find any match between us. He is very orthodox by nature. I am littlebit modern than he. He cannot like girls/woman, except his mother and sister.he has a negative point of view on women. But he had a relation before me.and he also proposed me.so i can't understand his mentality.also he has a big issue with working women.he thought that those who(woman) work in office,she cannot run a family and grows child.his idle woman should be stay at home after marriage,bt do household work only.i am educated and want a good career.also a husband and child.i think woman can easily handle both the thing easily.but he can't accept it.although he never force me to do so,but when we discuss such thing.he told me this. I love him so i remain silent always.what should i do?? Does his point of view is normal??plz suggest me. Thank you.
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You need to find a man with similar values and beliefs. I don't think you will be happy with him in the long run. He seems very close minded and I feel you will struggle trying to live out your goals while he looks down on your choices. I think the best thing to do if you really love him and if he respects you and loves you is to explain how you feel express the importance of your goals and dreams and see if he is willing to compromise and encourage you rather than discourage. If he is willing to try then that is great. If not you may want to move on.
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you should tell him that you'll marry him if he wants but that you have certain conditions and life expectations or goals for yourself that you'd like to reach. Now you can do those with or without him but since you love him, it'd be nice to have him along for the journey, if not tell him you understand and that you can parts ways.
You cant let someone else rule yourself, you may look back years later and have regrets, and end up resenting your husband for never letting you at least TRY to reach your full potential. He should at least let you try and if it doesnt work out then you can do whatever after that (LIKE staying home to raise kids)
I would also address his view on women with him before you agree to marry him. if he hates women what if you marry him and he ends up to be a wife beater, or abusive because you have no value to him? is that that kind of person you want to end up with??
these are all things you should ask yourself and try to sit him down and REALLY, seriously talk to him about before you go through with a marriage. try to do it in a respectful way to show him that you CARE but that you value yourself and your dreams too. good luck sweetie.
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It sounds like you understand him pretty well.
He doesn't believe that a woman can, or should, work outside of the home, and also have a successful home and marriage. He doesn't think women are capable of this. He insults and looks down on women work outside of the home.
It doesn't matter if this 'normal'. There was a time when slavery and beating your children was 'normal'. Normal is not the same as okay.
You need to stop remaining silent. If your vision of a happy married life and his vision don''t line, that needs to be openly discussed - or else both of you are doomed to be unhappy. You say you think he wont 'force' you, but listen to what he says about working women now. If you work, that's exactly what he'll think of you. Can you live with that kind of disrespect and ugliness being thrown your way? Do you want your children to grow up knowing that their father thinks their mother is a failure and bad parents because she works outside of the home?
Face this head on. It's not going to go away.
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