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I Can't Stop Feeling Bad About Everything
Every time I screw up, I feel bad about it and can't stop. I'll make it up to whoever I wronged, they'll forgive me, and more time will pass, but I still feel bad about it.
Like today, my car's got a problem with it's wheel bearing, so I'm sharing my mom's. I was supposed to keep my cell phone around, so when my mom was ready to leave work, she could call me to come get her. I ran an annoying, last minute errand that I shouldn't have had to run and took my phone with me in case she called. Then, like an idiot, I forgot it in the car when I got home and missed her call.
She called 24 times over the course of an hour and I didn't hear it. I don't know why I didn't think to make sure I had my phone around and she ended up having to call my elderly grandfather, who has poor mobility, for a ride. I feel so bad.
My mom forgave me and tried to cheer my up by saying she might take me for a movie and ice cream tomorrow. I LOVE movies and ice cream. I've seen the movie she wants to take me to and have always said I can't wait to see it again. I'm like a little kid when it comes to ice cream, especially at the place that she wants to get it at. I absolutely ADDICTED to it, but all I can think is, "Why would she want to do that for me? I don't deserve it."
This is just an example. I can forgive others, but I can't forgive myself. Why do you think that is and what can I do about it?
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I just think that you allow yourself a time to reflect on past behaviors and you feel bad about it.
That's fair. You're human.
You may also not want others to "keep" bringing up past behaviors. Therefore, you keep them in the front of your mind.
That's not a "terrible" idea, however, if you continue to do that, you may develop an internal social condition that will become habit.
After a certain time has passed regarding those previous histories, you need to pack them away somewhere.
If others go about bringing those things up, just think of it as if someone was really asking you to go into your attic/garage or something to bring out the smallest irrelevant item...
However, you decide to handle it... make sure that you help to prevent complications.. especially to yourself.
Another thing, train yourself to accept good too.
It tends to help a lot.
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Try to think about how much of your life you spend beating yourself up over things that are so minor like the example you gave? do you REALLY want to spend your days here on earth downing on yourself for something someone already forgave you about? that seems kinda unproductive do you think?
this is an issue youll have to learn to move on from. not EVERYTHING is ALWAYS your fault. thats just ridiculous.
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