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relationship crisis
Hello i am a 17 year old girl who is having a relationship crisis. I am really good friends with a girl who is one year older than me. We have been friend for quite a while now. I am very nice, loyal and trustworthy. I consider myself a people pleaser because I worry about other peoples happiness then me being happy my self. We are such good friends the we can literally predict on how we will react and what we will say. We care allot about each other that we will call ourselves sisters.
But a few months into our friendship She told me a small lie about her being friends with a spirit named Atem. Even though I did not buy it I told her I believed it just to be nice and for the sake of getting into an argument. I also began to see another side of her... I got to see her need and craving to constantly date someone. If she is single she will be depressed and very emotional. And since I am the phone with her all the time I end up hearing it. i began getting stressed and sad that i could not do anything to help her.
She than said that Atem her (her spirit friend)made a new friend named Nightmare, and she told me he loved me. She would talk to me about how much he loved me. I started to get the idea that she liked me, and began to like her a little.
Later on she made a Facebook and Gaiaonline for him. I ended up seeing him on the internet. I did not know what to think or do about him loving on me on the internet. I then started to have feelings for her. But at the same time i was confused, because she would tell me how much she hated bi/and les people. She would rant about it allot.
She began acting romantic towards me at her house. She would lick, pin and touch me (not in a very sexual way) she told me on the later that "Nightmare" was possessing her. She would do this every single time i visit her. I began to really like her.
I then started to get depressed. It started to hurt seeing her sad about not being with someone, and i am not able to help her. It hurt even worse when i watched her dating someone and hearing how much she loved him. I feel like i am not good enough for her, and it's very hard to hold in all my emotions so she wont know how i feel.
I sometimes consider just stop hanging out with her, but a part of me just cant let go of her because i am horrible at making friends and I don't think I will ever find a good friend like her. I really want to tell her i knew the spirit thing was all a lie and how i feel about her. But I am afraid that she will get mad at me or even worse, hate me.
Its all my fault for believing her little lie. I was just trying to be nice, and I get myself all into this mess. I get so depressed every day to the point were i want to cry and I sometimes wish that I could just sleep my whole life. I cant take it anymore. I am hurting so bad on the inside. I am tired of living a lie. :(
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Ok, sweetie, lets brake down what youve said and take it one step at a time because this sounds like culmination of things all mixed up here.
First off, even if she is your best friend, it isnt your place to take on her problems and allow them to eat at you in the way they do. you have your own life and your stuff you need to worry about without taking on other peoples issues too. no sane person can life a decent healthy life like that. which is probably why your feeling so badly right now. you cant live her life for her, or make life choices for her. you can feel badly for her and try to give her advice and be there for her but you cant lead a horse to water and make them drink. ever heard that statement?
Next, her saying the things she said about having an imaginary friend could have been a few things. It could have been to test you to see how far she could push you as a person to see how loyal you will be to her no matter what even if she goes on talking about crazy things. thats signs of the beginning of a manipulative person because then she'll know she can tell you anything and youll just go with it. when she doesnt have a boy, your her puppet.
secondly, her talking about how she hates gays but is willing to lick and or tackle you and cross boundaries like that doesnt exactly scream "im straight" either so if your not comfortable with it just tell her nicely. if you dont your allowing her to walk all over you and be her door mat. thats not a friendship.
sometimes people that talk all kinds of smack about gays are secretly really either gay themselves or arent sure of themselves sexually yet and just dont want anyone to know because they fear that it shows when it doesnt. (i grew up around alot of gays)
If shes saying things like "what they do is disgusting" and all this, tell her that if shes thinking about what two people do behind the privacy of their own walls when no one is around then shes the sick one" ((that usually shuts them up))
its also "not all your fault" YOU cannot control how people act no matter how hard you try to please, there are just some people out there that no matter what you do will be good enough for them, it will never make them "happy" or "act right" so its better you learn this sooner rather then later. we are all a product of the environment we grew up in, and we're all a work in progress. if you dont like where she is in life right now then stop hanging out with her for a while and just give her some space. she sounds a little "off" mentally, and you sound like you need some more normality in your life right now.
lastly if she wants to call you to talk about her issues or whatever, just let her vent and talk and respond with lots of "uhuh", yeah, wow, idk what to say" and try to stay neutral so you dont upset her. if you can build up the balls to call her out on the things she lied about do it and let her know that "that really wasnt cool"
sure you might lose her but is she really the kind of person you want in your life anyway? its better to have a few close friends then dysfunctional ones.
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Well for one thing it sounds like your friend has some issues and uses those "spirits" as outlets to act on impulses or to tell things that she has buried inside. And even though she says she hates bi/les whatever a lot of homophobics are actually gay. or even bi curious. If you like her say something. See where it goes from there. But you should be careful because it's very obvious she has some issues she still needs to work on and when I say that could lead to a bad path, I mean that.
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Well, my advice to you is you have to start loving yourself and learn to be happy even if others arnt. It is sad when someone you care about isnt happy but if youv tried helping and there is nothing you can do than thats that, dont get depressed about it you tried. Next if your getting upset because you have feelings for her than you need to tell her how you feel about her because your risking your own emotional health bottling it up inside. About your friend she seems just a little weird for me i am into the spirit realm and i believe in all those things but what your telling me isnt normal seems like she has a problem that she needs to seek help for. Alot of people who are scared of coming out of the closet talk ill about homosexuality thats nothing new. I myself am Bi and it was VERY hard to come out and tell people expecially people close to me. But anyways just tell her how you feel and tell her about your hunches and if she makes fun or does anything to hurt your emotional well being she isnt a very good friend. As for this "nightmare" on facebook id stop talking to her that way because that is childish and just feeding her poor choices. Good luck hope iv helped some.
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